So, I am at this place again where I’m not interested in dating. This place is not new to me; heck it’s not new to you all. If I can be frank, I had a HORRIBLE date last week. (Don’t worry, you’ll hear all about it before the week is out because this guy needs to be outed.) As I sit here and ponder the current state of my life (instead of being productive), my mind goes back to my time living in Florida. I was younger, more carefree (well, not really), and definitely a girl about town. I was social, active, and rarely spent time at home. I was super active with church, my sorority, and other organizations of which I was a part. There were guys I was interested in and vice versa, even though some of them weren’t the best catches, at least for me, and a little shady, but I thank God for allowing them to cross my path. Because if I had never met them, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. But having a boyfriend/being in a relationship wasn’t really that important.
I think the reason why I enjoyed my time in Florida was because I was just living life. I had an amazing group of friends, people who cared about me, and a beach that was 20 minutes away…but I digress. Recently, I think that I have gotten so caught up with wanting a companion that I’ve forgotten to live life. (It could also be contributed to the fact that most of the women around me have or are getting rings on that special finger and are adding the title of “Mommy” to their resume.) Yeah, I am active with my sorority, the other organizations of which I belong, hang out my friends, and do other stuff, but I’m not living. I’m just doing and being-and sometimes that’s not enough. And the fact I’m officially in my 30’s now and not in my mid-20’s could be contributed to the way that I feel.
But when I was in the Sunshine State, I was super involved with church-attended service each Sunday, volunteered with the Youth and Young Adult Ministries, and performed with the Step Team. I can’t tell you the last time I went to church in DC. And that bothers me. If I can be honest, I think that’s my problem. Actually, I KNOW that’s my problem. Somehow, I’ve lost my connection with God. And in the midst of finding a church home in my “new” city, I’ve given up. Sure I still pray and bless my food at each meal, but I don’t worship with others. I don’t even watch Joel Osteen on Sunday mornings if I don’t make it to the house of the Lord anymore.
In short, I think I’ve solved my own dilemma. I know what needs to be done. I need to pray about this season in my life. And ask that God give me the clarity needed to make it through this temporary space. And to enjoy life. And to LIVE life, not just go through the motions. The question is will I do what needs to be done? Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.