I Have Awesome Friends

I had a birthday party when I turned 16.  Southern Mom made me invite an old friend…we’ll call her Alicia.  We had been friends for about 3 years, until about two months prior.  I’m not sure why I didn’t care for Alicia anymore, but my mom made me invite her because she included me in her birthday plans, which was about three months before mine.  At my party, I didn’t really talk to her too much, and she ended up spending most of her time with my “crush”, Anthony.  Anthony was my middle school boyfriend and ended up being my prom date two years later.  But at the time, I was too…teenager-y to admit that I really liked Anthony.  In any event, my two best friends Shayla and Carmen had my back at my birthday party.  As we huddled up and watched Alicia and Anthony, I distinctly remember them not liking Alicia even more because she was all over “my” man.  We did what girls tend to do-being snarky, petty, and vicious.  I’m not sure if Alicia felt our eyes on her and Anthony for most of the night, but I felt awesome since my girls had my back.

Southern Cousin is probably one of the people I’m closest to.  Yes, we’re family, but I honestly feel that if we weren’t related, we would be friends. (Hopefully she feels the same way.)  Even though most times when I reach out to her, she always thinks something’s wrong, her first concern is that I’m always ok.  She indulges me when I need to vent, she always offers great advice, and she even laughs at me in all of my ridiculousness (which is actually a good thing).  Southern Cousin brings me down to earth and reiterates that the stuff I think is pseudo life or death really isn’t that serious.

My linesister, Vanessa, and I have always had a great relationship, before we even pledged.  But I think our sisterhood has solidified our friendship.  As I was taking her to the airport a few weeks ago, I was relating how a person really close to me kinda did me dirty…and how I’ve always done nice things for them, not because I was expecting something in return, but because that’s who I am as a person.  I also told her how Southern Dad was kinda annoyed at the situation as well and how he kept reiterating that I needed to be sure I’m not taken advantage because of my nice, kind nature.  It was funny how she felt the same way he did-she was PISSED!  And I so appreciated it.

Over my life, I have been blessed with having awesome friends come into my life.  They support me, the entertain my wacky ideas, and they always have my back.  Hopefully, you’ve been blessed to have great people come into your life.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

Names have been changed to protect the guilty. 🙂

I Need To Diversify

Over the past few months, I’ve realized that most of my friends think and/or look like me.  But I shouldn’t be surprised.  I went to an HBCU.  I’m part of a predominantly African-American sorority.  And most of my closest friends come from those two communities.   I’ve come to the realization that I need more non-Black friends.

Growing up, most of my friends were white.  It wasn’t until I got to high school that my best friends were black.  In middle school, I remember praying for black friends when I got to high school.  And that’s what I got-for the next 18 years.  And don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not complaining.  But when you have friends that think like you and agree with you on pretty much everything, it sometimes gets old.

Of course I’m Facebook friends with a number of the white kids I went to elementary, middle, and/or high school with, but we don’t hang out or do brunch or have dinner together.  (I actually take that back. I do have a white girlfriend that I have known since 6th grade and every time I go home, we see each other.  And we even did dinner when she came to DC last year with her students.)  I did reach out to one of my high school classmates that lives in Northern Virginia for brunch about a year ago.  We weren’t necessarily friends in high school, but it was great to see a familiar face from home in DC.  And there is another friend that I went to high school with who was my buddy.  He lived in DC for about a year, and we went out to dinner (with his now ex-girlfriend) while he was here.  And I’m happy that he came out to help me celebrate my birthday when I was home in April.

At the end of the day, one off dinners and lunches, and friends that live 8 hours away, don’t necessarily count.  Well, they do, but I want more.  I want non-Black friends in DC that I can hang out with on a regular basis.  Those that I can talk to about my life and who have a genuine interest in getting to know me.  And I want to take an active role in their lives-celebrate their monumental moments and do fun things with them.  I also truly believe having a diverse group of friends will make me a better person.

But, for now, I will cherish the friends that I do have.  And look for opportunities to expand my DC circle.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

The One That Won’t Go Away

Some people cannot take a hint.  Guy A from this post is one of those people.

I didn’t go into details about all of the things wrong with this guy, so I’ll elaborate slightly.  He felt that I should cancel/change plans so we could go out.  He felt that I should respond to text messages IMMEDIATELY after he sent one.  He was jealous and insecure (oh, I think I mentioned that in my previous post).  After I didn’t respond to a text message quick enough on my way to church one Sunday, he sent a snarky reply.   That is when I told him to lose my number and have a nice life.  (Oh, he still sent me a message on G-Chat that afternoon; I quickly blocked him.)

That weekend is when DC was hit by Hurricane Sandy.  Two days later, he sent me a text to “check on me” and “make sure I was ok”, to which he got no response.  A week later, because I deleted his number, I answered a call from him.  He totally heard the shock in my voice.  After that call, I saved his number as DNA (Do Not Answer).

A year and a half later, he has popped back up.  A few months ago, he sent me a request to connect on LinkedIn.  And just this week he requested to follow me on Twitter (on my private account).  You would think that after not speaking with someone in almost two years and making it PAINFULLY obvious that you have no desire to speak with or be involved with a person, he would go on his merry little way…but alas, that is not the case in this situation.  In 2012, TyAnthony made sure to ask me if he knew where I lived, to which I was all too happy to state “no” and that he had never been to my house.

So what do you in this situation?  Do you continue to ignore this person that won’t go away?  Do you reach out and once again state to leave you alone?  (I won’t be doing that.)  On the flip side, what makes someone not go away?  What keeps making him reach out?  To see what I’m doing?  To try to make sure he stays in the forefront?  In any event, I wish he would crawl back into the hole he went in in 2012…and stay there.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Know When to Cut the Strings

I am a social person.  I love people.  I love being around people (once I get to know them :)).  I value my friendships.

Over the course of my 30+ years on this earth, I have met a lot of people-classmates, church friends, bandmates, sorors, co-workers, and people I volunteer with.  I totally understand there are folks who are in your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.  Social media has allowed us to re-connect with people from yesteryear and keep up with what they are doing now…or what they want to you to see/think they are doing now.  We text, call, video chat and the like to keep in touch with those we care about.  But what happens when you reach out-you text, you call, you initiate the video chat-but the person doesn’t reach back?

I recently had two different discussions with friends about when to end friendships with people.  Ending a friendship is an EXTREMELY hard thing to do, especially if it is someone you have known for years.  Sometimes life gets in the way.  People move, get married, have children, and have to deal with issues that come along with living for a few years.   But, what happens when you reach out, make plans, invite friends to hang out, they confirm their attendance, and then…they don’t show up?  What happens when you are the one to always pick up the phone to make the call but no one calls you?  There’s a difference between being busy and being ignored.

Since my birthday last month, I have decided to cut the strings with a number of people.  With most, though they have not been close to me recently, social media has allowed us to reconnect.  Dialogue was had, memories were shared, plans-some tentative, most confirmed-were made, and yet…they have been no shows in one way or another.   So as to only expend energy to those that expend energy to me, I’ve decided to not make any effort to attempt a relationship.

At the end of the day, we all must come to a point when we realize that some relationships have come to an end.  And that is perfectly ok.  Not all people are meant to be in our lives forever.  You’ve got to learn when to just let things go.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

 

Thoughts From a Southern Girl

Just so you know, this post is about to be real random.  Why?  Because I have a lot of things I want to say…but I don’t really have anything to say.  Make sense?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.

First, let’s talk about the return of “Scandal”.  I was not excited about the premiere, until I saw a clip of Mellie and Olivia at a faux lunch.  Mellie laid into my girl Liv, I put a smile on my face, and prepared to enjoy the mid-season premiere. The premiere was good, a bit predictable, but I think “Grey’s Anatomy” was WAY better!

Unfortunately, or fortunately for some, it snowed in the DC area on Monday.  (And there are reports we will get more snow next week. -_-)  So, the good thing for me was that I used that day to catch up on some missed television, namely the Oscars.  Yes, on Sunday evening I propped myself on the couch to catch the awards show, but somewhere between the award for Best Production Design or something like that and the evening news I fell asleep.  (I am such an old woman.)  I woke up to the news that Lupita won for Best Supporting Actress and “12 Years A Slave” won Best Picture.  Thankfully, the Oscars were on On Demand, so I was able to see Ellen’s shenanigans, Matthew McConaughey’s AWESOME speech, and Steve McQueen jump at the end of his acceptance speech.

Honestly, that’s all I’ve got.  I don’t really have anything else to say.  My life is pretty boring at the moment.  Well, maybe not boring.  Uneventful is probably a better word.  I’m just working and trying to get my personal affairs in order.  I do plan on juicing for Lent.  Since I have not consistently done it in the past like I was supposed to.  And the days that I do not juice, I will not succumb to food.  I will just drink H2O all day.  Jesus made a sacrifice for me, and for the next 40 days, I can make that sacrifice for Him.  I am planning how I am going to celebrate my birthday, which happens to be during the Lenten season.  So far, I am pleased with what I’ve come up with; I just need to figure out where it’s going to be.

For someone who didn’t have anything else to say I am not surprised I found some extra words. 🙂  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!