The One That Won’t Go Away

Some people cannot take a hint.  Guy A from this post is one of those people.

I didn’t go into details about all of the things wrong with this guy, so I’ll elaborate slightly.  He felt that I should cancel/change plans so we could go out.  He felt that I should respond to text messages IMMEDIATELY after he sent one.  He was jealous and insecure (oh, I think I mentioned that in my previous post).  After I didn’t respond to a text message quick enough on my way to church one Sunday, he sent a snarky reply.   That is when I told him to lose my number and have a nice life.  (Oh, he still sent me a message on G-Chat that afternoon; I quickly blocked him.)

That weekend is when DC was hit by Hurricane Sandy.  Two days later, he sent me a text to “check on me” and “make sure I was ok”, to which he got no response.  A week later, because I deleted his number, I answered a call from him.  He totally heard the shock in my voice.  After that call, I saved his number as DNA (Do Not Answer).

A year and a half later, he has popped back up.  A few months ago, he sent me a request to connect on LinkedIn.  And just this week he requested to follow me on Twitter (on my private account).  You would think that after not speaking with someone in almost two years and making it PAINFULLY obvious that you have no desire to speak with or be involved with a person, he would go on his merry little way…but alas, that is not the case in this situation.  In 2012, TyAnthony made sure to ask me if he knew where I lived, to which I was all too happy to state “no” and that he had never been to my house.

So what do you in this situation?  Do you continue to ignore this person that won’t go away?  Do you reach out and once again state to leave you alone?  (I won’t be doing that.)  On the flip side, what makes someone not go away?  What keeps making him reach out?  To see what I’m doing?  To try to make sure he stays in the forefront?  In any event, I wish he would crawl back into the hole he went in in 2012…and stay there.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

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Know When to Cut the Strings

I am a social person.  I love people.  I love being around people (once I get to know them :)).  I value my friendships.

Over the course of my 30+ years on this earth, I have met a lot of people-classmates, church friends, bandmates, sorors, co-workers, and people I volunteer with.  I totally understand there are folks who are in your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.  Social media has allowed us to re-connect with people from yesteryear and keep up with what they are doing now…or what they want to you to see/think they are doing now.  We text, call, video chat and the like to keep in touch with those we care about.  But what happens when you reach out-you text, you call, you initiate the video chat-but the person doesn’t reach back?

I recently had two different discussions with friends about when to end friendships with people.  Ending a friendship is an EXTREMELY hard thing to do, especially if it is someone you have known for years.  Sometimes life gets in the way.  People move, get married, have children, and have to deal with issues that come along with living for a few years.   But, what happens when you reach out, make plans, invite friends to hang out, they confirm their attendance, and then…they don’t show up?  What happens when you are the one to always pick up the phone to make the call but no one calls you?  There’s a difference between being busy and being ignored.

Since my birthday last month, I have decided to cut the strings with a number of people.  With most, though they have not been close to me recently, social media has allowed us to reconnect.  Dialogue was had, memories were shared, plans-some tentative, most confirmed-were made, and yet…they have been no shows in one way or another.   So as to only expend energy to those that expend energy to me, I’ve decided to not make any effort to attempt a relationship.

At the end of the day, we all must come to a point when we realize that some relationships have come to an end.  And that is perfectly ok.  Not all people are meant to be in our lives forever.  You’ve got to learn when to just let things go.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

 

Thoughts From a Southern Girl

Just so you know, this post is about to be real random.  Why?  Because I have a lot of things I want to say…but I don’t really have anything to say.  Make sense?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.

First, let’s talk about the return of “Scandal”.  I was not excited about the premiere, until I saw a clip of Mellie and Olivia at a faux lunch.  Mellie laid into my girl Liv, I put a smile on my face, and prepared to enjoy the mid-season premiere. The premiere was good, a bit predictable, but I think “Grey’s Anatomy” was WAY better!

Unfortunately, or fortunately for some, it snowed in the DC area on Monday.  (And there are reports we will get more snow next week. -_-)  So, the good thing for me was that I used that day to catch up on some missed television, namely the Oscars.  Yes, on Sunday evening I propped myself on the couch to catch the awards show, but somewhere between the award for Best Production Design or something like that and the evening news I fell asleep.  (I am such an old woman.)  I woke up to the news that Lupita won for Best Supporting Actress and “12 Years A Slave” won Best Picture.  Thankfully, the Oscars were on On Demand, so I was able to see Ellen’s shenanigans, Matthew McConaughey’s AWESOME speech, and Steve McQueen jump at the end of his acceptance speech.

Honestly, that’s all I’ve got.  I don’t really have anything else to say.  My life is pretty boring at the moment.  Well, maybe not boring.  Uneventful is probably a better word.  I’m just working and trying to get my personal affairs in order.  I do plan on juicing for Lent.  Since I have not consistently done it in the past like I was supposed to.  And the days that I do not juice, I will not succumb to food.  I will just drink H2O all day.  Jesus made a sacrifice for me, and for the next 40 days, I can make that sacrifice for Him.  I am planning how I am going to celebrate my birthday, which happens to be during the Lenten season.  So far, I am pleased with what I’ve come up with; I just need to figure out where it’s going to be.

For someone who didn’t have anything else to say I am not surprised I found some extra words. 🙂  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

It’s A New Day

There is a LOT going on in Elle’s world.  I’m on the cusp of so many life decisions and things that I want to do.  As Southern Dad told me a few months ago, I’m not getting any younger and it’s time I start to get settled in some things.  Meh, not sure I totally agree with that, but I’ll see what I can do! 🙂

Yes, it’s true I’m getting older, but I feel that as long as I’m not responsible for anyone but myself, I can change my mind on a whim if something doesn’t fit my fancy.  It may seem a little shallow, whimsical, or like I don’t know what I want/what I’m doing, but I’m ok with that…to a degree.  That’s probably why I’m always hesitant to tell my friends/family my plans. Because the next thing you know, they’re asking you how’s the planning for such-and-such going?  I STILL having people talking to me about law school. -_-  I think it’s ok if we change our mind and decide we want to do something different.  It shows that we aren’t stagnant and that we continue to grow and evolve and change.  But, because I like stability I’m not changing all willy-nilly.  Before I make any major life decision, I make sure my ducks are in a row.

For example, on this particular day, I have decided what I want to accomplish for 2014.  My vision board is complete, and now I have to do things in order to realize my visions.  For example, I have decided to seriously work on opening and starting my business.  I have the proper reading materials in place, and my next steps are to do the legal legwork to make it legit.  Not to mention this is a field where I do not have a ton of experience, so I need to do my research/interning/speaking with experts to get all of the knowledge that reading a book isn’t going to teach.

Secondly, as a way to get healthier and in better shape, I’ve decided to do a juice fast/cleanse.  I’m pretty excited about it, and my lunch (kale, strawberries, pineapples, apples, and blackberries) is SO yummy!  I’m excited to try out these other recipes I have and create some of my own.  I’m easing in to this fast, based on the side effects that I have read come along with only juicing.  But I have an awesome support group, so I know I can do this and stay committed.

So while it may seem like your friend/cousin/girlfriend is all over the place, maybe she isn’t.  Maybe she knows EXACTLY what she wants to do and is doing it.  And if you start to do something and it turns out to be something you didn’t expect, that’s ok.  Keep working at finding what works and fits for you and the life you want to live.  Because at the end of the day, the only person’s happiness that matters is yours.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

I Finally Had My Olivia Pope Moment

It’s a few hours after Fitz is shot.  Olivia returns to the White House to “handle it”.  After she talks Mellie into addressing the public, she goes to the closet of the First Couple to get a suit for her.  Once she enters, she’s sidetracked when she sees Fitz’s clothing-his suits, his jeans, his sweatshirts.  She grabs a sweatshirt, sits down, and inhales his scent.  Then…she cries.  Not too hard and not too long.  But she cries.  Then all of a sudden, she stops.  She gets up, replaces the sweatshirt, grabs Mellie’s suit, straightens her jacket, wipes her eyes, and leaves.

I cried yesterday.  Not hard.  Not long.  But I cried.  And then I wiped my eyes, washed my face, and kept it moving.

It’s hard being a woman.  Sure we look pretty, are friendly, and have things together, but it’s hard.  We have to deal with crazy things at work, possibly at home, and with our family.  It’s not easy keeping things together.  Or appearing to keep things together.  You may see us in our suit or our heels with a smile on our face, but you have no clue what’s occurring beneath the surface.

Now don’t misunderstand, it’s not a complaint or a feeling of being ungrateful.  But it’s not always easy when the life you currently have is not the life you envisioned for yourself.  Or when people don’t do right, you have to be the fixer.  Or if things start to fall apart and go awry, you have to put them together again.

It would be great if you had that support system that you could go to when things got rough or a little complicated.  And sometimes you do.  But you don’t want to be a burden or you don’t want them to worry. It would be better if things never got rough or complicated.  But that’s not realistic.  Life is experiencing the good with the bad and the easy with the difficult.  Sometimes you wonder how long this not so great season will last.

It’s hard being a woman.  It’s even harder being Superwoman.  To have the appearance that nothing phases you, that all your ducks are in a row, that you have everything together is not easy.  But some days you need to cry.  You could be sad or angry or frustrated and you don’t know what to do.  So you cry.  Not hard and not long.  Just enough to get the frustration out. Then you get up, wipe your eyes, put on your big girl panties, and keep it moving.  I’m sure Superwoman cried sometimes, too.

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Partition

The other title for this post was going to be “I Want Beyonce’s Body”.   That’s what I told a friend a while back.  I actually think I said, “I’m going to get Beyonce’s body”, to which she gave me a major side-eye. (You know who you are, and I still love you! :))  But I can understand her giving me the side-eye of life.  I have a LOT of pounds on Beyonce and attaining a body that can even compare to hers may be unreachable for the regular girl that’s already a size 8.  But for someone who is bigger than a size 8??? You know what?  This post is not about my weight-moving on…

If you’ve read my “About Elle” page, you know I love Beyonce.  I have every album she has released, including her latest “Beyonce”.  I am not ashamed to admit that the visual is currently in my DVD player and the audio has been in HEAVY rotation since I bought it Christmas weekend.  I definitely have my favorites, including “Superpower”, “Mine”, “Flawless”, and the bonus video “Grown Woman”.  But the video that keeps me the most mesmerized is “Yonce/Partition”.

We all know that Beyonce has sex appeal.  And I don’t know what it is about that darn video-the wadrobe, the movements, or just the song itself-but I can never turn away.  I’ve thought of the scenario in my head.  The woman has rented out this club, got some costumes, and gathered up a few of her girls to put on a show for her man.  Then, when the show’s over, they (the woman and her man) go home.  And I want to do that.  Well, minus asking my friends-I wouldn’t want my man to fantasize about them every time we did couple stuff.  But when I do get into a relationship, I want to put on a burlesque show for my dude, complete with costumes, make-up, lighting, the works!  And I want to do it to “Partition”.  Really, I could come up with a couple of dances to a couple of Beyonce songs.  And have my man swooning.  I want to be his fantasy come to life.  But I need to get her body.  And a man.

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

I Don’t Want to Be Here Forever

A few months ago, I found this AMAZING blog.  It was well-written, funny, and engaging.  And I could totally relate to the author.  She was a single woman with no children.  She has a job she loves.  She lives in a major city.  She is enjoying living her life.

But she also has a plethora of friends, some of whom are married.  And at times she hangs out with those friends.  And their married friends.  In one post, she mentioned that she has had friendships come to an end due to the girlfriend/wife not feeling comfortable with her friendship with the boyfriend/husband.  Although nothing ever happened between them and there is no attraction between the two.  (Think TyAnthony and me.) And even with the friends of friends-sometimes the wives think she may want their husbands.  I mean, she IS a single woman, which means she’s probably always looking.  Even if she’s with a group of married people. (I hope you noted my sarcasm.)

But, there are some instances where she and a friend make jokes about “sharing” said friend’s husband, specifically when it comes to home improvement.  She’s like me-she’s not that handy.  And when things need to get done around the house, said friend has no problem offering her husband to come help.  The girls hang out and catch up while the husband fixes whatever needs fixing.  They laugh and joke about sharing the husband. Then the couple leaves, and she does whatever single women in large cities do.

While reading her blog, I was thinking, “OMG!!!  She’s writing my life!” (Of course with a number of exceptions.)  I was totally going to immerse myself in her blog and read every word she had ever written.  But then I realized she’s 50+.  And is not married.  And doesn’t have any children.  While I can totally relate to her now, I don’t want to be her in 20 years.  She apparently has no plans to get married or have children.  And I think that’s amazing that she chose that life.  But that’s not the life I want.  So just know I won’t be in this place forever. And whatever place you’re currently in, it’s just a pit stop on your journey through life.  Stay faithful and true and know your (our) time is coming. 🙂 Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!