Don’t Take Any Wooden Nickels

“I’ve been gone for a minute, now I’m back with the jump-off!”  Yes, I know it’s very rare that I quote Lil’ Kim; actually, that might be the only time I quote her.  So relish in this moment…

Now, since that’s out of the way…I’m back!   I’ve been MIA for a minute.  Southern Mom was in town, so I was basking in her greatness-spending quality time together, riding around the DMV, and enjoying Georgetown Cupcakes! 🙂  As mothers have a tendency to do, they always impart some words of wisdom upon you.  My mother talked to me about everything, including men, money, safety, decorating-you name it, we probably discussed it.  One thing that she told me, which was sort of my mantra this past weekend, was to stand up for myself and not to let anyone take advantage of me.  Nothing occurred in particular to make her say that to me (that she knows of), she just happened to say it.  But like all mothers, maybe she had this sixth sense that some things just weren’t right.  Let’s start with this weekend.

While I had a GREAT time in Atlanta, there were some things that came to light and let me know where I stand with people.  Nothing good, nothing bad-I just opened my eyes a little wider to my surroundings and truly saw who cared about my well-being.  Upon returning to DC, some more things are in the works to make this writing and PR thing more real for me and not just as a hobby.  As my mother pointed out to me, I’m helpful to a lot of people, but who’s being helpful to Elle? 

The moral of today’s post?  Don’t let anyone take advantage of you.  Know your worth, and make sure others know your worth.  If they don’t realize it, cut them off.  If you think they are the only ones who are there for you or who can help you, you’re mistaken.  There’s someone out here who will always have your back and make sure that you get what you deserve.  But, it really doesn’t matter what other people think, say, or do when it concerns you.  As long as you know you’re worthy, that’s all that matters.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

The “Heavy” Girl Got Married

 

Photo courtesy of DavidsBridal.com

So maybe I’m being a little sensitive and looking too much into this. I’ll own that. And it’s ok. As people, we’re not going to always like the things we see. In order not to hurt anyone’s feelings or keep the peace, we keep mum on a lot of things. I used to be one of those people. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that’s not healthy. I should let people know when I’ve been hurt or disrespected, but not in a confrontational way. Yesterday, I read the Savvy Dating blog. I love reading her blog, and the title “The Type of Women Men Marry” caught my eye. I read it, along with the comments of her readers. In the first paragraph, the author told the story of a conversation she had with a friend. Said friend couldn’t understand why an ex recently married a “heavy” girl but was always on her to lose weight. One of the comments relating to “heavy” girls was:

He gets the “heavy girl” because her self-esteem/self worth may not be as high as everyone else. This is what I call the “investment chick”. She has all the basics that he wants but she still has room for improvements that he can help her make. His {He} gets a return on his investment after “encouraging” her to lose the weight. Not only does {she} lose the weight making her the 10 he originally wanted, but she is going to truly think he loves her because he took the time to support her getting healthy but really it’s for his personal gain.

There are SO many things wrong with this statement. First, who says that “heavy” girls have low self-esteem/self-worth? Neither of these is directly correlated with one’s size. A girl who is a size 4 can feel completely dissatisfied with herself while a girl who is a size 18 knows her worth and won’t settle for anyone who doesn’t realize it also.  Next, is a man really going to date a woman who is overweight just for the simple fact he can encourage her to lose weight and be her savior??? Uh, I don’t think so. Maybe the woman he married had something this other woman didn’t; maybe she loved herself how she was, loved this man for who he was, he saw her as a helpmate and not a hindrance, and maybe she was bringing something to the table this man liked. Lastly, just because a woman is not a size 6 doesn’t mean she’s not a “10”. I’m really surprised no one called this woman out on this comment. Men like confident women, and the woman who is a size 16 and walks into any room like she owns it is going to the get the attention rather than a woman who is a size 6 and walks in like she’s scared.  As my “auntie” Casey tells me all the time, “There’s a taste for every shape.”

I have a cousin who as long as I’ve known her has never been a small woman.  She has always been confident, been fly, been attractive, and had herself together.  She turned 40 this year and also celebrated her 19th wedding anniversary. To my knowledge, her weight has never been an issue with her husband. He loves her for who she is and what she brings to their relationship.

In my adult life, I have never been smaller than a size 12, and I’ve never had a problem with my self-esteem or self-worth. My mother taught me growing up that I was smart and pretty and that I have a lot to offer to the world, not just a man. No, I’m not always happy with my size, but who is? I know plenty of women who are a size 6, 8, or whatever (smaller than me) and they want to lose weight. If and when I decide to lose weight, it’ll be my decision. Not because I want to impress/get/keep a man. I’ve had enough men to approach me being the size I am now.

What do you guys think? Am I being too sensitive? Do you agree with this young lady’s statement about “heavy” girls? Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.