You’re Bad For My Spirit

The older I have gotten, I have realized that, in dealing with the opposite sex, that it is of the utmost importance to take care of yourself first.  Not your man.  Not your woman. No one else but you. YOU.  If you allow them, people will suck the life out of you and take all of  you.  Why?  Because people are selfish as f*ck.

About two years ago, I met a guy (I’m sure I’ve referenced him here before; I just don’t feel like going back and linking previous posts) at an alumni event.  The first year passed without much incident. That second year…. We went on dates, we hung out, we laughed, things were good. Until they weren’t.  The last time he and I spoke in August, I told him that we should make a clean break, and if we see each other in the street, we say “What’s up?” and keep it moving.

Earlier this week, my phone rings.  I think it’s my eye doctor, so I answer. It’s this dude. (Huh????) He says he’s calling to find out if I’m going to a football game our alma mater is having later this month and that I crossed his mind and he thought about me.  I asked him if he remembered our last conversation, to which he replied yes.  This is then how the conversation went:

Me: If you remembered then I don’t think you would be calling me. 

Him: Why do you say that? 

Me: Because I told you that we should make a clean break.  But here you are calling me after three months.  A few weeks after our conversation, I told a friend of mine about you, and she was playing devil’s advocate.  She thought that maybe I should give you the benefit of the doubt and that I didn’t make myself clear with what I wanted while we were dealing with each other.  

Him: OK.

Me: So that there is no confusion, I don’t like talking to you.  You’re bad for my spirit.

Him: Oh, that’s cryptic. 

Me: How so?  

Him: Uhhhhh…

Me: If you don’t understand, say so so that I can explain it to you. 

Him: I don’t understand. 

Me: Then I’ll explain it to you.  I’m in my 30s. I’m passed the point in my life where I’m dating just to date.   And I’m done going back and forth with you.  Over the past two years, it’s been up and down and sometimes we’re dating and sometimes we’re not. So we just need to cut our losses and keep it moving. 

Him: Ok.

Me: So, again, so that I can make it clear, I don’t want to be your friend.  You keep popping back up in my life and I’ve got way too much going on to try to figure out what you want from me every few months.  So you have fun with whatever you’re doing tonight, tomorrow, whenever. Bye.

Today, this post is for ladies in general.  Single ladies in particular. Those single ladies that have had to deal with men that take us for granted.  Those men that feel they can play with our emotions.  Those men that are sometime-y.  Those men that are non-committal. Those men that feel like they can treat us any ol’ type of way.  And think that we are going to stay around to put up with it. Take back yourself, ladies. Take back your strength. Take back your independence. Take back your courage. And let these men know that we’re not putting up with their sh*t anymore.  We deserve better.  And these boys that think they’re men are going to continue to treat us this way if we allow it.  So demand better.  Treat yourself better.  You deserve it.  Don’t let these boys mess with your spirit; they’re not worth it.

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

ReBlog- Fellas, Good Luck Finding that Perfect Purple Flying Unicorn That Lays Golden Eggs

Yesterday, my blog idol/play cousin/friend-in-my-head Michele Grant, over at Black n’ Bougie reiterated why I LOVE her blog.  The title of my post today is her post from yesterday.  While the world, and I literally mean the entire world, tells single, educated, successful (Black) women what we need to do in order to get a man, no one is talking to the men…and I mean nobody.  I don’t think Steve Harvey has written a book yet directed towards (Black) men instructing them on what they need to do in order to find that “special, perfect one”.   I haven’t seen a book titled, “Why Women Love A–holes” (a play on words to the book “Why Men Love B-tches”).  And correct me if I’m wrong, but I haven’t seen a book titled “Make Her Beg to be Your Girlfriend”; yes, there is a book with this similar title-change “Girlfriend” to “Boyfriend”.  So my girl Chele gave men a mirror, told them to take a look, and strongly suggested they do a little self-evaluation.  To see if they are as great as they would like everyone to think they are.  To see if they are bringing to the table what they DEMAND in a mate.

So, I strongly implore all of you to mosey on over and take a look at her post from yesterday.  Sometimes, I think Michele and I were separated at birth.  She’s Southern, she’s a writer, we share the same last name, and, most importantly, she loves Prince and the color purple (not the movie, but the actual color).   Feel free to comment on my blog, her blog, or both.  And if you do not read her blog on a regular basis, you are losing in life.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

My Sunday- A Time for Self-Reflection

It’s funny how things happen.  I haven’t been to church since last month.  For me, a Southern girl who grew up in the South and went to church every Sunday, that’s major.   Southern Mom and I went to church EVERY Sunday when I was growing up.  I was a part of the Youth Choir and Youth Group, and I ushered and attended Sunday School.  Even when I was in Jacksonville, I attended church on a regular basis.  But since moving to the District, going to church hasn’t been a priority of mine.  When I first moved here, I started attending a church that reminded me of my church in Florida, and I attended that church more frequently than any other church.  My last time going to that church, which was last month, I decided to become a member.  

Due to my working every other weekend, I’ve allowed that to affect how often I go to church, which I shouldn’t, especially since this church has a 7:30 AM service.  This morning, I decided that I wanted to go to church, despite blowing my hair out and having to press it (that’s a blog for a different day…and a different site).  Since another church in the DMV has a late afternoon service, I asked my partner-in-crime/sister-girl/soror/road dawg Original Najeema if she wanted to attend church with me. 

In any event, as I was getting ready for church, I decided that in order for my entire life to change, I needed to change actions in ALL aspects of my life-spiritually, personally, and professionally.  I can honestly say the profession part has started to evolve, but I wasn’t focusing on other aspects of my life.  I decided the next aspect that deserved my attention was my spiritual self.  I decided there were some things that I needed to stop doing in order for God to bless me in my life.  Yes, we all sin, but we choose to sin; as we get older, we have to decide if we’re going to continue to do wrong or if we want to make a change.   The title of the sermon today?  “The Power to Conquer Sin”.   I would say it’s ironic, but nothing concerning God is ironic.  I was exactly where I needed to be today. 

I may turn off some of my readers talking about God and spirituality, and I’m ok with that.  I know my heavenly Father will take care of me, and it’s my responsibility as His child to share His message and His goodness.  The pastor instructed us to read the book of Jude (you know the one-before Revelations. :)) this week.   I would like to suggest you all read it, as I will be doing the same. 

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

*As I was getting ready for church, my favorite gospel song came on, and I’m sharing it with you guys.  I hope it blesses you just as it blesses me.*