And People Wonder Why…

Most of my Facebook friends have already commented on this, but I’ll go ahead and piggy back off of them (If you are one of my linesisters, you know how much we detest that phrase.)  Rachel Jeantel is a 19 year old girl.  Yet, people have been tearing her down.  Some have taken it upon themselves to think “Today’s youth are a mess” and “Why does she sound like that?” and “Why doesnt’ she speak up” and “What’s with the attitude?”.  She may not be the brightest student or the most articulate person or whatever else mean thing you may think about her.  But at the end of the day, she’s a human being.  She’s a young girl that has to deal with the loss of a really good friend.  And she has to deal with a defense attorney that was annoying (to her).  She may not understand the gravity of the situation she’s in.  She may not understand how important her testimony is.  Is that her fault?  Maybe, maybe not.  But if the WORLD is treating her with such disdain and talking about her, no wonder she didn’t want to come forward or want anyone to know her identity.  You people are vicious.  And without a heart.  It’s no wonder our young women have self-esteem issues.  Because instead of offering to help her or find someone to help her, you ridicule and joke and make fun of her.

Focus on the facts.  She stated that when she was on the phone with Trayvon, he stated someone was following him and that he was going to try to lose him.  THAT’S what’s important about what she said on that stand.

I don’t think I need to say much else.  But I felt compelled to write this after seeing a photo posted of Ms. Jeantel comparing her to a not-so-nice and not-so-attractive movie character.  You may get a chuckle and your friends may find it hilarious that you’re making jokes about this person.  But at the end of the day, is it worth this young girl’s (or a young girl that looks like her or sounds like her) self-esteem and self-worth???  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

“Bridal Plasty” Sends the Wrong Message

In my tv surfing last night, I came across the new show on “E!” “Bridal Plasty”, which is hosted by former beauty queen and reality tv star Shanna Moakler.  The premise of the show is that the winner will receive all the plastic surgery her heart desires. 

Now, I have to admit when I saw the commercials for this show before its debut last night, I was less than impressed.  I know when some women are getting ready for their big day, the biggest worry they have is losing those last 10 pounds so that they can get into their dress.  The women on this show want to take it to a whole new level.  They want nose jobs, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tucks, etc.  Any plastic surgery procedure you can think of, they want it.  According to the plastic surgeon on the show, ALL of the contestants needed liposuction and/or a tummy tuck.  And the crazy thing is only one woman, from my observation, was truly overweight.  That happens to be Alexandria, a former “Biggest Loser” contestant whose fiancee’ proposed to her during the finale.  And like one of the girls in the house, Alexandria was getting on my nerves, too, talking about being on the “Biggest Loser”; it was just too much.

My first thought on this show was, “What are we teaching our girls?”  That they have to have the perfect hips, thighs, and butt to get married?  That they have to have the perfect figure to marry the man of their dreams?  That they have to look like a “supermodel” in order to walk down the aisle?  This show is the prime example of what is wrong with America’s concept of beauty.  Little girls are taught growing up that in order to be considered attractive you have to be a size 0, have long hair, long legs, and be at least 5’8″.  If I believed that, I would think I was the ugliest person in the world.  I’m definitely not a size 0, I have short hair, I do have great legs, and I’m only 5’4″.   If you do decide to let your daughter/niece/sister/friend/whatever watch this show, keep reiterating to her that she is beautiful just the way she is.  She doesn’t need to alter her looks for anything.  That’s what we need to be teaching the young women in our lives. 

I will say “Shame on you, E!” for this show.  Yes, these are grown women who know what they are doing and are old enough to make their own decisions, but if I were a betting woman, I’d wager a small amount that most of these women growing up did not receive the proper reinforcement from their parents and other loved ones that they were beautiful just as God made them.  To all of you reading this, be happy with who you are.  Love yourself for how you look right this second.  That’s the message that we need to be sending.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

P.S. To add insult to injury, when the first contestant, Ashley, was voted off last night, Shanna’s response was akin to (I’m paraphrasing), “Your wedding will still go on; it just may not be perfect.” WHAT?!?!?!

The “Heavy” Girl Got Married


Photo courtesy of

So maybe I’m being a little sensitive and looking too much into this. I’ll own that. And it’s ok. As people, we’re not going to always like the things we see. In order not to hurt anyone’s feelings or keep the peace, we keep mum on a lot of things. I used to be one of those people. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that’s not healthy. I should let people know when I’ve been hurt or disrespected, but not in a confrontational way. Yesterday, I read the Savvy Dating blog. I love reading her blog, and the title “The Type of Women Men Marry” caught my eye. I read it, along with the comments of her readers. In the first paragraph, the author told the story of a conversation she had with a friend. Said friend couldn’t understand why an ex recently married a “heavy” girl but was always on her to lose weight. One of the comments relating to “heavy” girls was:

He gets the “heavy girl” because her self-esteem/self worth may not be as high as everyone else. This is what I call the “investment chick”. She has all the basics that he wants but she still has room for improvements that he can help her make. His {He} gets a return on his investment after “encouraging” her to lose the weight. Not only does {she} lose the weight making her the 10 he originally wanted, but she is going to truly think he loves her because he took the time to support her getting healthy but really it’s for his personal gain.

There are SO many things wrong with this statement. First, who says that “heavy” girls have low self-esteem/self-worth? Neither of these is directly correlated with one’s size. A girl who is a size 4 can feel completely dissatisfied with herself while a girl who is a size 18 knows her worth and won’t settle for anyone who doesn’t realize it also.  Next, is a man really going to date a woman who is overweight just for the simple fact he can encourage her to lose weight and be her savior??? Uh, I don’t think so. Maybe the woman he married had something this other woman didn’t; maybe she loved herself how she was, loved this man for who he was, he saw her as a helpmate and not a hindrance, and maybe she was bringing something to the table this man liked. Lastly, just because a woman is not a size 6 doesn’t mean she’s not a “10”. I’m really surprised no one called this woman out on this comment. Men like confident women, and the woman who is a size 16 and walks into any room like she owns it is going to the get the attention rather than a woman who is a size 6 and walks in like she’s scared.  As my “auntie” Casey tells me all the time, “There’s a taste for every shape.”

I have a cousin who as long as I’ve known her has never been a small woman.  She has always been confident, been fly, been attractive, and had herself together.  She turned 40 this year and also celebrated her 19th wedding anniversary. To my knowledge, her weight has never been an issue with her husband. He loves her for who she is and what she brings to their relationship.

In my adult life, I have never been smaller than a size 12, and I’ve never had a problem with my self-esteem or self-worth. My mother taught me growing up that I was smart and pretty and that I have a lot to offer to the world, not just a man. No, I’m not always happy with my size, but who is? I know plenty of women who are a size 6, 8, or whatever (smaller than me) and they want to lose weight. If and when I decide to lose weight, it’ll be my decision. Not because I want to impress/get/keep a man. I’ve had enough men to approach me being the size I am now.

What do you guys think? Am I being too sensitive? Do you agree with this young lady’s statement about “heavy” girls? Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.