Marriage is Sacred

I know you might be thinking “DUH!” with the title, but with the way things are going with pop culture nowadays, I’m not so sure.

There were numerous things that inspired this post.  Earlier this week, TyAnthony and I were having a discussion about the number of African-American children that were born out of wedlock, specifically in the last 5-10 years.   Now, before I you all go getting on my case, I KNOW that is a sensitive subject and something we don’t talk about.  And at the risk of sounding like “I have tons of black friends, so I can’t be racist”, I have family members, friends, and sorority sisters that fall on both sides of this demographic.  Some ended up marrying their child(ren)’s parent while others decided to end their relationship.  And because of the sensitivity of this topic and the fact I might offend some people, Ty suggested I shy away from this topic.  So I’ll move on.

Another factor was an e-mail I received from friend of SGITC, Paul Carrick Brunson.  If you don’t know, Paul is a successful matchmaker, husband, and father of two.  This week, Paul made an appearance on “Good Morning America” to discuss the new reality show “Married At First Sight”.  Basically, the premise of the show is that four experts  (in different fields) pair of couples, the first time they meet each other is when the bride is walking down the aisle, and they are given one month to make things work.  If they discover they love each other and everything is honky dory, then the experts did a good job.  If they discover they are too different and believe they aren’t a match, they get a divorce.

Lastly, today, LeBron James, star basketball player (for those of you who don’t know who he is), decided to leave the Miami Heat and go back to playing for the Cleveland Cavaliers.  Apparently, in an interview some time ago, James stated that he would weigh his decision on whether to stay with Miami and have conversations with his wife and mother to decide what was best.  And a number of my friends on Facebook, most who are married, indicated that he had a discussion with Savannah, his wife, and she wanted to go back home.  If that is the case, because only LeBron and Savannah know what their discussion was like, if indeed there was one, can confirm if it was a decision based on what would be best for their family.

Marriage is sacred.  Marriage is important.  Marriage is a partnership.  Marriage is about compromising.  Marriage is about being unselfish.  Marriage is love.  And marriage is a lot of other nice words that I could type.  I think it’s one thing to date someone on tv (a la “The Bachelor” or “The Bachelorette”-although the premise the main ‘character’ will marry the last wo/man standing, it’s not a requirement”), but when you have to marry a stranger, and then if things don’t work out after 30 days you can end it, where’s the sanctity in that?  Marriage is a commitment.  And serious business.  And to make it seem frivolous and meaningless on a television show is…pathetic.  You know, I get it.  There are some people who want to get married and find a lifetime partner, and because of bad dating experiences or relationships that didn’t last think they will never find The One.  I’ve had that thought a time or two myself.  But I don’t think I could ever marry someone sight unseen.

So what have we learned here today?  Marriage isn’t something to play with (to use a term stated numerous times by Southern Dad).  It’s about partnership and compromise and love.  It is not about reality television and getting a divorce after 30 days if it doesn’t work.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

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The Single Life

For the first time in a LONG time I have no potentials.  No one I’m dating.  No one I’m talking to.  No one.  It’s weird.  This is a new space for me.  And it’s been this way since February.  Being the serial dater I am (or at least used to be), it’s nothing for me to pick up the phone and call someone, or have someone call me, to go to dinner, catch a movie, see a play, whatever.   I wouldn’t say I crave attention from the opposite sex, but it’s nice to have.  Someone to flirt with.  Someone to hang out with.  Even if I knew the guy had no staying power, I can admit it was nice to feel attractive and wanted and to hang out with someone that wasn’t my homegirl.

Saturday night, after a fun-filled day of celebrating with friends at a housewarming, I got to my house and felt antsy.  It was still light out, was a gorgeous evening, and I didn’t want to spend another Saturday night at my house watching tv.  I had someone that I wanted to call, someone that no matter what I do I can’t get him out of my system.  And as much as my finger has been itching to dial his number, I have resisted the urge.  (YAY me!)  So, I called up two of my friends instead (really I called more but they were the ones that answered), and we headed out to enjoy dinner, cocktails, and cupcakes.  Of course, the conversation turned to how we were all single.  And how negroes ain’t ish (one of us just had a nasty break-up).  And we talked about how the craziest, meanest, rudest people always seem to find each other and stay together, while us nice folks finish last and keep meeting people who do us dirty. (To quote one of my friends, “The horrible people always seem to find each other.”) Even the young lady at the table next to ours chimed in her agreement.

But, at the end of the day, we all agreed that a man perfectly designed for each of us IS out there…and they are going to find us.  And even though we’ve experienced heartbreak, jerks, and a few lonely Saturday nights as of late, it’s not going to be that way forever.  Though I’m 30 something years old, I still have this fairy tale fantasy that the man for me is out there.  And he’s going to find me…while I’m still in my prime and can bear him some children after we walk down the aisle.

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Know When to Cut the Strings

I am a social person.  I love people.  I love being around people (once I get to know them :)).  I value my friendships.

Over the course of my 30+ years on this earth, I have met a lot of people-classmates, church friends, bandmates, sorors, co-workers, and people I volunteer with.  I totally understand there are folks who are in your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.  Social media has allowed us to re-connect with people from yesteryear and keep up with what they are doing now…or what they want to you to see/think they are doing now.  We text, call, video chat and the like to keep in touch with those we care about.  But what happens when you reach out-you text, you call, you initiate the video chat-but the person doesn’t reach back?

I recently had two different discussions with friends about when to end friendships with people.  Ending a friendship is an EXTREMELY hard thing to do, especially if it is someone you have known for years.  Sometimes life gets in the way.  People move, get married, have children, and have to deal with issues that come along with living for a few years.   But, what happens when you reach out, make plans, invite friends to hang out, they confirm their attendance, and then…they don’t show up?  What happens when you are the one to always pick up the phone to make the call but no one calls you?  There’s a difference between being busy and being ignored.

Since my birthday last month, I have decided to cut the strings with a number of people.  With most, though they have not been close to me recently, social media has allowed us to reconnect.  Dialogue was had, memories were shared, plans-some tentative, most confirmed-were made, and yet…they have been no shows in one way or another.   So as to only expend energy to those that expend energy to me, I’ve decided to not make any effort to attempt a relationship.

At the end of the day, we all must come to a point when we realize that some relationships have come to an end.  And that is perfectly ok.  Not all people are meant to be in our lives forever.  You’ve got to learn when to just let things go.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

 

Partition

The other title for this post was going to be “I Want Beyonce’s Body”.   That’s what I told a friend a while back.  I actually think I said, “I’m going to get Beyonce’s body”, to which she gave me a major side-eye. (You know who you are, and I still love you! :))  But I can understand her giving me the side-eye of life.  I have a LOT of pounds on Beyonce and attaining a body that can even compare to hers may be unreachable for the regular girl that’s already a size 8.  But for someone who is bigger than a size 8??? You know what?  This post is not about my weight-moving on…

If you’ve read my “About Elle” page, you know I love Beyonce.  I have every album she has released, including her latest “Beyonce”.  I am not ashamed to admit that the visual is currently in my DVD player and the audio has been in HEAVY rotation since I bought it Christmas weekend.  I definitely have my favorites, including “Superpower”, “Mine”, “Flawless”, and the bonus video “Grown Woman”.  But the video that keeps me the most mesmerized is “Yonce/Partition”.

We all know that Beyonce has sex appeal.  And I don’t know what it is about that darn video-the wadrobe, the movements, or just the song itself-but I can never turn away.  I’ve thought of the scenario in my head.  The woman has rented out this club, got some costumes, and gathered up a few of her girls to put on a show for her man.  Then, when the show’s over, they (the woman and her man) go home.  And I want to do that.  Well, minus asking my friends-I wouldn’t want my man to fantasize about them every time we did couple stuff.  But when I do get into a relationship, I want to put on a burlesque show for my dude, complete with costumes, make-up, lighting, the works!  And I want to do it to “Partition”.  Really, I could come up with a couple of dances to a couple of Beyonce songs.  And have my man swooning.  I want to be his fantasy come to life.  But I need to get her body.  And a man.

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Is The Ring Enough?

Today, we have a guest post from one of my oldest friends from Florida, Cristin Jordan.  She’s a reality tv buff, like me.  We message each other ALL the time on Facebook about various shows to share our thoughts on these crazy people we watch on television.  And it seems as if she has a little inside scoop and some thoughts about “Love and Hip-Hop” veterans Chrissy and Jim Jones. 

From what I could sniff out on various social media channels, it looks pretty good that the reality show “Chrissy and Mr. Jones” is coming back for another season. Being an old married chick myself, I love watching the dynamics of other people’s relationships play out.

For most of us ladies, it’s all about getting the ring, right? And when it comes to Chrissy, my gosh what a ring it was! Did you see it? I’m tempted to say it’s hard to describe it with just mere words. I doubt the Queen of England has anything that nice. I don’t believe you should ever stare, but the ring is worth a second, heck even a third look if you happen to pass Chrissy at the grocery store.  My inside scoop tells me that the ring is from Avianne & Co., a popular New York City jeweler that works with many celebrities, including Lil’ Wayne and Ciara. (If you haven’t checked out their jewelry before it is a must-see as their pieces are exquisite.) 

Chrissy must be a rabbit because her ring has carats for days! It’s nearly 10 carats set in 18K white solid gold. The center diamond was specially cut and imported from Israel. It took almost two weeks to make.

 So she did it. She got the ring, and it looks like she got the man.

I really wish them the best. I’m a big proponent of marriage. It’s not easy, and I hope the two of them can make it work, especially when the cameras stop rolling.

That exquisite piece of jewelry on her left hand isn’t attainable for most of us. At $140,000, it cost more than the average home in a lot of cities. But I do believe a good solid relationship is within everyone’s reach.

For starters keep the communication going and don’t ever take anything for granted, especially each other.
 
So Chrissy, I lift my glass and say cheers. Here’s to a life as magnificent and blinged out as those perfectly cut diamonds on your left hand.

Cristin Jordan is a freelance writer from Jacksonville, FL.  A mom, she loves rachett, or shall we say reality, tv even though even she will admit the drama goes too far. Cristin loves to travel, and when her bags aren’t packed, she’s trying to figure out how she’s going to take her next trip.

ReBlog- Fellas, Good Luck Finding that Perfect Purple Flying Unicorn That Lays Golden Eggs

Yesterday, my blog idol/play cousin/friend-in-my-head Michele Grant, over at Black n’ Bougie reiterated why I LOVE her blog.  The title of my post today is her post from yesterday.  While the world, and I literally mean the entire world, tells single, educated, successful (Black) women what we need to do in order to get a man, no one is talking to the men…and I mean nobody.  I don’t think Steve Harvey has written a book yet directed towards (Black) men instructing them on what they need to do in order to find that “special, perfect one”.   I haven’t seen a book titled, “Why Women Love A–holes” (a play on words to the book “Why Men Love B-tches”).  And correct me if I’m wrong, but I haven’t seen a book titled “Make Her Beg to be Your Girlfriend”; yes, there is a book with this similar title-change “Girlfriend” to “Boyfriend”.  So my girl Chele gave men a mirror, told them to take a look, and strongly suggested they do a little self-evaluation.  To see if they are as great as they would like everyone to think they are.  To see if they are bringing to the table what they DEMAND in a mate.

So, I strongly implore all of you to mosey on over and take a look at her post from yesterday.  Sometimes, I think Michele and I were separated at birth.  She’s Southern, she’s a writer, we share the same last name, and, most importantly, she loves Prince and the color purple (not the movie, but the actual color).   Feel free to comment on my blog, her blog, or both.  And if you do not read her blog on a regular basis, you are losing in life.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

Guy Week – The Conclusion

Well, we are at the end of another work week.  And we’re at the end of Guy Week.  We’ve learned that every girl should have a go-to guy for handy work around the house (or learn to do somethings yourself :)), how to avoid smooth talkers, your dream guy may not live in your same city, and to realize that there are some things that you are not willing to work through.  The same lessons can be applied to men when it comes to women.

As I was creating some of my posts this week, I sensed a resounding theme-that not everything is going to be “diamonds and Rose’, but it should be.” (Ha!  Sorry I couldn’t help it!  If you watch the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”, you totally got that!)  As I am coming upon another year of life, I’ve come to the realization that I should not be afraid to speak my truths.  I didn’t always speak up for myself when it mattered, according to Southern Mom.  And I’m inclined to agree with her. But as I’m approaching 31 in a just a few days (YIKES!), I realize I shouldn’t be afraid to speak my mind.  I shouldn’t be afraid to say what I need.  I shouldn’t be afraid to say what I want.  And I darn sure should not be afraid to go and get those things.

The posts this week are my truths.  They most likely are not yours.  And that’s ok.  The wonderfully splendid thing is that we are ALL different, so we each have a different story to tell.

One thing that I totally should have touched on was the relationships guys have with their daughters.  A father is the first interaction a little girl has with a man.  That relationship shapes this girl’s interactions with men for the rest of her life. If I can be candid, Southern Dad and I have had our relationship ups and downs.  I love my daddy fiercely, but there are some times where I just want him to leave me alone.  (And I think we can all relate to that on some level with both parents.) I try not to  dwell on that as I’m learning not to take him for granted.  Mainly because I think about my uncles that have passed, and I realize how blessed I am to still be able to pick up the phone and talk to my dad.  Unfortunately, not all of my cousins have that.  But they do have an extra angel in heaven looking down on them.

The good and bad things that are apparent in a daughter’s relationship with her father can (and most likely will) seep over into any and all romantic relationships she encounters.  And I can testify to that.  And even at my age, I’m still discovering things, good and bad, about my relationships.  And honestly, I don’t think I could have discovered these things without taking the time to work on and getting to know me.

So, if you are a man with a daughter, think about the relationship you have with her.  Think about how your presence or non-presence can manifest itself when it’s time for her to become a wife and mother.

Well, I guess I ended up talking about the father/daughter relationship after all. 🙂  I hope you all have an amazing weekend.  I know I am!  It’s officially Birthday Weekend!!!  (Well, technically not until 5:30 pm EST.)  Enjoy your Friday and Saturday and Sunday!  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!