The “Heavy” Girl Got Married

 

Photo courtesy of DavidsBridal.com

So maybe I’m being a little sensitive and looking too much into this. I’ll own that. And it’s ok. As people, we’re not going to always like the things we see. In order not to hurt anyone’s feelings or keep the peace, we keep mum on a lot of things. I used to be one of those people. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that’s not healthy. I should let people know when I’ve been hurt or disrespected, but not in a confrontational way. Yesterday, I read the Savvy Dating blog. I love reading her blog, and the title “The Type of Women Men Marry” caught my eye. I read it, along with the comments of her readers. In the first paragraph, the author told the story of a conversation she had with a friend. Said friend couldn’t understand why an ex recently married a “heavy” girl but was always on her to lose weight. One of the comments relating to “heavy” girls was:

He gets the “heavy girl” because her self-esteem/self worth may not be as high as everyone else. This is what I call the “investment chick”. She has all the basics that he wants but she still has room for improvements that he can help her make. His {He} gets a return on his investment after “encouraging” her to lose the weight. Not only does {she} lose the weight making her the 10 he originally wanted, but she is going to truly think he loves her because he took the time to support her getting healthy but really it’s for his personal gain.

There are SO many things wrong with this statement. First, who says that “heavy” girls have low self-esteem/self-worth? Neither of these is directly correlated with one’s size. A girl who is a size 4 can feel completely dissatisfied with herself while a girl who is a size 18 knows her worth and won’t settle for anyone who doesn’t realize it also.  Next, is a man really going to date a woman who is overweight just for the simple fact he can encourage her to lose weight and be her savior??? Uh, I don’t think so. Maybe the woman he married had something this other woman didn’t; maybe she loved herself how she was, loved this man for who he was, he saw her as a helpmate and not a hindrance, and maybe she was bringing something to the table this man liked. Lastly, just because a woman is not a size 6 doesn’t mean she’s not a “10”. I’m really surprised no one called this woman out on this comment. Men like confident women, and the woman who is a size 16 and walks into any room like she owns it is going to the get the attention rather than a woman who is a size 6 and walks in like she’s scared.  As my “auntie” Casey tells me all the time, “There’s a taste for every shape.”

I have a cousin who as long as I’ve known her has never been a small woman.  She has always been confident, been fly, been attractive, and had herself together.  She turned 40 this year and also celebrated her 19th wedding anniversary. To my knowledge, her weight has never been an issue with her husband. He loves her for who she is and what she brings to their relationship.

In my adult life, I have never been smaller than a size 12, and I’ve never had a problem with my self-esteem or self-worth. My mother taught me growing up that I was smart and pretty and that I have a lot to offer to the world, not just a man. No, I’m not always happy with my size, but who is? I know plenty of women who are a size 6, 8, or whatever (smaller than me) and they want to lose weight. If and when I decide to lose weight, it’ll be my decision. Not because I want to impress/get/keep a man. I’ve had enough men to approach me being the size I am now.

What do you guys think? Am I being too sensitive? Do you agree with this young lady’s statement about “heavy” girls? Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Tell Us Why You Mad, Son-Take Two

Brian White, you know the cutie from the feature film “Stomp the Yard” and TNT drama “Men of a Certain Age“, got married this weekend!  But everything wasn’t blissful for the groom.  Apparently, some people are hating on Brian and his new bride, Paula Da Silva, because she is not black.  Brian, who is a very vocal celebrity on Twitter, even retweeted comments that his friends made stating that people (i.e. black women) are hating on him because his wife isn’t black. 

Apparently, Brian spent some time on his honeymoon giving energy and credence to the people who were not excited about his interracial marriage.  Some people seem to think that his getting married nullifies the rumor that he was suspect, others claim they never wanted him in the first place, and more people could probably care even less.  It appears to me that instead of his giving credence to these people who mean him no good and whom he’ll probably never meet in life anyway, Brian should enjoy himself with his new bride and the life they are going to spend together.  But he really must have been hot under the collar to pay attention to all these people.

So what say you Southern Girl audience?  Was Brian right in giving these people his attention during what should be one of the happiest moments in his life?  Or should he just ignore them?  And is interracial dating even an issue in 2010?  (Oh, it is according to Dr. Laura; we “blacks” have become much more sensitive about race since President Obama has been elected…#please)  Do black women even want Brian White?  Or is this just an example of an arrogant actor getting his rocks off thinking everyone wants him?  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

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This Week in the News

Before I begin today’s post, I just want to send special prayers to the families of Zenani Mandela, great-granddaughter of Nelson Mandela, and Maryland State Trooper Wesley Brown.   Both were senselessly and unexpectedly killed early this morning. 

As each week brings tons of news to us from around the world, I have decided each Friday I will (attempt to) discuss topics that are hot right now (or at least have people’s tongues wagging).  I’ll share a little bit of the story and provide my lively commentary to what’s going on. 

First, what seems to be the talk of the hip-hop world, is Slim Thug’s comments to Vibe magazine regarding Black women and relationships. (To read the article in its entirety, click here.)  Before I read the entire article, I was a little perturbed at what he said, or what people were quoting, which was pretty much all of the bad stuff.  Despite what I think about him as a rapper or a person or what have you, he did make some valid points about relationships.  Now, he really should not have generalized his statements as all ethnicities are probably guilty of what he accused Black women of, but his derogatory comments were too much.  My advice to him, which I have put into my own personal practice, is don’t make generalizations from a few people that you have met.    But quietly, I’m thinking that he made these comments on purpose.  Is Slim Thug really relevant anymore???  Did he make these comments just so his name would still in people’s mouths???

Next up, Joran van der Sloot.  Do I REALLY need to say more?  This guy, at only 22 years old, is all sorts of trouble.   First, a woman, 21 year old student Stephany Ramirez, is found dead in his hotel room in Chile-the reason?  According to van der Sloot, it’s because she found evidence that linked him to the Natalee Holloway disappearance.   Next, he tells the Chilean authorities that he will reveal the location of Holloway’s remains, but only to Peruvian authorities.  Lastly (or at least the last thing I heard), was that he was arrested for extortion as he contacted the Holloway family to pay him $25,000 to reveal the location of Natalee’s body.   (Read all of the details in this article.)  I really hope that if he is guilty (as we are all innocent until proven guilty) he gets the maximum punishment.  It really seems as if he has no remorse.  And did he really think that contacting the family and asking for money was smart?  I mean, doesn’t he know that they would unquestionably contact the proper authorities and his butt would be arrested?!?!?  I wouldn’t be surprised if he showed up on an episode of “World’s Dumbest Criminals”.   The guy does have to be pretty smart to elude prosecution so far, as he had to be let go (twice) from police custody for lack of evidence.  I do hope both families get the closure they need and both girls get the justice they so rightly deserve. 

The NBA Finals- I have only one thing to say…  GO CELTICS!!!  I’m so glad I was able to watch the last few minutes of the game last night.  I really feel like there is a competition going on, and I can’t wait to see Game 5 on Sunday! (Wait, it is Sunday, right?!) 

Last, but certainly not least, is the breakup of the 40 year marriage of Al and Tipper Gore.  (Yes, I know this is last week’s news, but I still feel the need to discuss this.)  Ok, seriously, who does that?   As someone who truly believes in true love and all that, I was very disheartened when I heard this news.   This is not a good look, at all.   After going through so much and still sticking by each other, they’re just going to throw 40 years away.  Some experts say that due to longer life expentancies more long lasting marriages are ending in divorce.   This does not sit well with me at all.  So, this message is for my future husband, whomever and wherever he may be- I don’t plan on getting divorced…ever.  I’m in it for the long haul, and you should be, too.  If you’re not sure you can make a lifetime commitment to me, then I may not be the one for you.  (Ok, thanks for letting me take that little break.)   And to add insult to injury, their oldest daughter Karenna is getting divorced as well.  *Sigh*  But the Gores say their split is amiacable, so I guess that makes it ok…(no it doesn’t, but I’m trying to play diplomatic.)

So, what are your opinions of what’s going on?  Feel free to comment on any of the stories I mentioned, and please share some news of your own or anything that I did not mention.   I want to hear from you!!!  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Marriage: Is It for Everyone?

This must have been the weekend of love.  Two of my sorority sisters got engaged! Yes, very happy occasions, and I can’t wait to hear the details of how their fiancees proposed.   But, on the other hand, a friend of a friend celebrated her 30th birthday this weekend by having dinner Saturday night, and a number of people thought her boyfriend was going to propose to her.  She has been with this man for almost 12 years (they met and started dating in undergrad) and is about to move in with him (I said she’ll be pregnant within a year-that was harsh, huh?!?!).  And come to find out her best friend, who was also in attendance at this dinner, is set to marry her fiancee next August.  A group of us have discussed this young lady’s situation in length-how she has been with this man for years, and they show no signs of getting married.   While we in our personal lives and the media make a big deal out of getting married, not every woman’s goal is to become a Mrs. one day.

Now, as a little girl growing up in the South, I was very traditional-to the extent that I knew I wanted to get married, have the house with the white picket fence, 2.5 children (the national average a few years back), a cool SUV (’cause I am NOT driving a mini-van), and maybe a family dog.  It never dawned on me that not every little girl dreams of getting married.  A co-worker pointed out to me that may be the case with a few people in society.  To use her as an example (hope you don’t mind!), my co-worker had been married for about 20 years (they’ve recently divorced), but neither she nor her ex-husband wanted to get married.   She felt pressure from family asking, “So, when are you going to get married?” And even when it was time for the big day, her future husband asked her, “Why are we doing this again?” 

As I grow, mature, and EVOLVE, I’m happy to know that I don’t know everything, and to really expand my mind so I can take others points of view into account.  I can say that my eyes have been opened wide.  While I know I want to become a Mrs. one day, I am not rushing into it by any means.  But  I also know that not everyone wants to get married, and 20 years ago when people thought others were crazy for not getting married, that doesn’t seem so crazy now.  I mean, a woman doesn’t need to have a husband to have a child or paying her bills or for “after hour” activities (ya’ll know what I’m talking about) if you want to take it to the extreme.  While I still think my friend’s friend is crazy for not marrying this boy after 12 years and moving in with him, I’ve decided that we must let people live their lives and do what makes them happy. 

Please feel free to share your thoughts on marriage for the masses.  Have we gone away from tradition?  Is it right to be a bachelor/bachelorette for our entire lives?  Until the next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.