Guy Week – He’s Not Here

In December, a friend of a friend posted something on Facebook that inspired me so much that I wrote it down.  In essence, she was stating how as women, we are taught to plan and strategize for our professional careers.  But the main thing that God ordained for people-marriage-we let happen by chance.  We don’t plan and prepare for our mate; we just let the chips fall where they may.  I have no issue saying I want to be in a relationship and one day hope to be married.  And while I do not know if God will keep me in DC, I know that’s where I am now.  But what if my future mate isn’t?

I can think of two relationships from the top of my head where each party lived in a different city.  One couple has been married for a few years. Before their marriage, they lived thousands of miles away from each other.  Once they became husband and wife, they wanted to live in their hometown, but due to the husband not being able to find a job in his field, the wife moved to where he lived. The other couple just became engaged, and the woman moved to where her fiancee lives.  I have thought and joked around MANY times that my future husband is not in DC.  And what if I’m right?  I clearly do not plan on moving every 3-5 years just to potentially meet my husband.  But would that be completely foolish or would it be strategic planning?  If I don’t move to where he is or he doesn’t move to DC, am I just supposed to be content with never getting married?  Or end up getting married for the wrong reasons?

I totally believe that God has this perfect person for me.  And I have no problem (well, maybe slight impatience) waiting on him.  I’m not saying I want to be married tomorrow.  I’m just saying I would at least like to know who my husband is and begin building our relationship.  Hopefully he’ll cross my path soon if we don’t already know each other.  Maybe we’ll meet on one of the vacations I have planned this summer.  Or maybe we’ll meet when he visits his boys in DC.

In the meantime while I’m waiting for him to find me, I’ll continue living my life.  I’ll prepare to celebrate my birthday, for my crowning as Ms. DC Exquisite 2013, for the trips I have planned (and the ones I’m thinking about planning), and on becoming a better Elle.  With anything in life, you have to prepare and plan.  You wouldn’t go into a job interview without planning the right suit to wear or what time you need to leave your home to make sure you arrive on time or researching the company or thinking about what questions they might ask you.  It’s the same for a mate.  I need to plan to meet him, so when God does allow our paths to cross, I’ll be ready.  In a sermon I once heard, the pastor stated if you ARE ready you don’t have to worry about GETTING ready.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

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The Other Woman

Boy meets girl.  Boy likes girl.  Girl likes boy back.  There’s just one problem.  Boy is married…to someone else.  For some people, that doesn’t seem to be a deterrent.  For the rest, that’s a sure sign that some mess could happen, and they walk away.

Yesterday, on the “Doug Banks Show”, their People Poll question was something akin to, “Why do people put all the blame on the ‘other woman’ for being a homewrecker?”  This was directly related to comments that Gabrielle Union made about her relationship with Dwayne Wade, who had a very public divorce and custody battle.  Gabrielle also mentioned (earlier this year) that the reputation she had of being a homewrecker ruined her career.  Her argument is that she makes Dwayne happy and that should be what matters.

Maybe it’s the traditional, Southern, Christian girl in me, but if a man is married and is hitting on me, I run in the other direction.  If a man is unhappy in his marriage, he needs to leave it.  While the other woman is to blame, the man is, too.  And men will continue to cheat on their wives if they find a woman who will agree to be the “side chick”.  For some, being the mistress has worked out (see Alicia Keys and Angelina Jolie).  But I honestly think that nothing good can come out of being with another woman’s husband.  Even if you’re unhappy or separated, that’s not good enough.  Let me see a divorce decree then we can talk.

There are a few things that make me uneasy about being with a married man.  One, he could be messy and not cover his tracks.  That can only bring trouble to my home.  God forbid his wife find out where I live and come knocking on my door.  Two, karma is a mean, ugly itch with a “b” in front, and I don’t want some chick sleeping with my husband (when I get one) because that’s what I did.  Third, what’s going to happen when I want to take our relationship further and for him to get a divorce?  For him that’s not an option, so I’m stuck watching from the sidelines and not having the opportunity to build a meaningful relationship of my own.

I’ve had some friends mention that you can’t break what’s already broken.  If that’s true, why is the man still in his marriage?  It may be easier said than done, but get a divorce.  Who wants to be in a miserable marriage?  I can be unhappy by myself.  And if you have children, they pick up on the tension between mom and dad.

So, the jist of today’s post is simple.  If you are with someone who is married, if they truly, honestly are unhappy and they truly, honestly want to be with you, let them handle their affairs and get a divorce.  Once the dust has settled and the divorce is final, he or she can pick up the phone.  If you’re meant to be together, things will work out in your favor.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city

Witty Wednesday-The Carmen Jones Effect Part 2

Happy Wednesday!  No Way Back Wednesday post.  I have something I want to share with you guys that I was supposed to share yesterday.  Since I was MIA, you’re getting it today.  And I’m not sure how witty this post will be, but I needed something catchy that started with a “W”. *shrugs*

On Monday evening, I had the pleasure to hang out with two of my favorite sorority sisters, AT and TJP.  Over hair, food, celebrity gossip, and personal anecdotes, we began talking about Brad and Angelina.  (I don’t think I have to use last names.)  We discussed the fact that they have a beautiful family, give back effortlessly, but they’re not married.  We also discussed the fact that “marriage” seems to be a dirty word.  Everyone (well most people) are happy with shacking up or running around seeing how many people they can be with.  The topic of cheating was also discussed and how Angelina took Brad from Jennifer.  AT asked TJP and me if we still liked Angelina even though she was a homewrecker.  (For the record, I love Brangelina.)  Our responses can be summed up in these words-“While we don’t like the fact that she was with a married man, it takes two to tango.”  TJP also stated that, “You can’t break what’s already broken.”  I also mentioned that this topic was similar to my post “The Carmen Jones Effect“.  Maybe Angelina was this femme fatale who sank her claws into Brad and wouldn’t let him go until he was hers.  I also mentioned maybe Brad was the aggressor.  But what amazes me are the similarities between this movie and real life.  Jennifer is the proverbial good girl (Cindy Lou), Brad is the do-gooder (Joe), and Angelina is the gorgeous girl with a bad streak (Carmen).  So, I think this answers the question that I had in my original post-is the story (Army Boy leaves Good Girl to go with Aggressive Woman) possible in real life?  From the outside looking in, it appears that way.  But John Q. Public will never know what truly happened between Jennifer, Brad, and Angelina.  And if the story can happen in real life, do they live happily ever after?  It appears that Brad and Angie are doing ok.

I want to know what you guys think.  Is marriage a dirty word?  Did Angelina seduce Brad or did he go after her?  Are there other similarities between this fictional movie and real-life?  The floor is yours!  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

My Obsession with Mark Sanchez

Happy Tuesday!  I hope you all had a great MLK weekend and were able to give back to your community in some way.  I had a phenomenal weekend, even though each day was busier than the previous one.

If you don’t know, I’ve started to get into enjoying/watching/learning about the sport of football.  It started about 5 years ago.  I thought watching the Jaguars games together would be a great way for Southern Dad and I to bond.  (Growing up, my sport was basketball, and bad-a$$ Latrell Sprewell was my man.)  Even though he gave me the side eye at first, once he saw I was serious, he actually started answering my questions and teaching me a little bit. (Yes, I know this story has absolutely nothing to do with my title, but just stay with me; I’m giving you backstory.)  So, this love for the Jaguars grew into a love of football.  Though the Jaguars will always be my team, I enjoy watching good match-ups, like the play-offs.  Last week during the divisional round, I was able to get a good look at Mark Sanchez, quarterback for the New York Jets.  Noticing he was a little cutie, I looked him up on Wikipedia to check out his story.   I shared with my soror @ISayWord, who is my football watching buddy, that he was 24, originally from California, single (the most important thing on the list), and enjoys going to plays on Broadway.  I was further impressed when I found out he gives back to his Mexican community by volunteering and speaking and working with kids.  It was after this research that I decided Mark and I will be married.  We can go to Broadway plays together, volunteer, and just enjoy life. 

Now, I have to admit I wasn’t going for the Jets last week when they were playing the Colts.  I mean, HELLO!  They were playing the Colts.  But to everyone’s surprise, the Jets pulled out a win!  And they surprised everyone again on Sunday by beating the Patriots.  I guess I should stop underestimating them, especially since I’m going to be Mrs. Mark Sanchez someday.  I told my mother last night about the marriage and that she was going to have Blaxican grandbabies, which was alright with her.   She asked if that meant I was going to be moving to New York, to which I replied, “Probably so.”

So, if you have any tips or suggestions on how I can meet Mark, I’m all ears.  I don’t want to get arrested, so nothing illegal folks.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city! 

P.S. I hope you all realize this is a little tongue-in-cheek/satirical.  But if I EVER have the chance to meet Mark Sanchez, I’m on it!

This Week in the News-I’m Not Feeling It

Happy Friday!  I have to be honest with you guys-I don’t feel like doing ANYTHING today!!! (And that includes writing on this blog.) Now, don’t get me wrong.  I love you guys, and I love writing, but I’m just not feeling it.  I want to go home, lay down, and take a nap.  To keep with the theme of “I’m Not Feeling It”, I’ll share some news this week of people or things that I’m not feeling.

First, let’s talk about Eva Longoria Parker filing for divorce from cutie Tony Parker.  Now, I must admit I didn’t think this marriage would last that long, but not because of infidelity.   I just didn’t think it was gonna work out.  And it looks like Tony cheated.  I haven’t seen the woman who is the alleged mistress but from reading people’s comments on Facebook, I think it’s safe to say the side piece wasn’t as pretty as Eva.   I will not use this post to talk about how or why men cheat on gorgeous women, but I will say it takes more than a pretty face to keep a man.   No matter what happens, I hope Eva and Tony find peace and happiness whether together or apart.

I’m not a Chelsea Handler fan, so I’m not that familiar with her jokes or her show.  As I was driving into work this morning, I heard a clip from her show earlier this week where she basically said Phaedra from “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” was living the “African-American” dream because she was an attorney and was married to an ex-con.  (To watch the entire clip, go here.)  It’s really in poor taste, but from what I gather most things she does is in poor taste.  And what is her obsession with 50 Cent?!?!

Uh, so I don’t watch “Dancing with the Stars” on the regular, but I definitely won’t be watching the finale now that Brandy has been voted off, and Bristol Palin is still there.  #thatisall

That’s it for me today, folks! What are some things you’re not feeling? Have a great weekend, and until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

The “Heavy” Girl Got Married

 

Photo courtesy of DavidsBridal.com

So maybe I’m being a little sensitive and looking too much into this. I’ll own that. And it’s ok. As people, we’re not going to always like the things we see. In order not to hurt anyone’s feelings or keep the peace, we keep mum on a lot of things. I used to be one of those people. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that’s not healthy. I should let people know when I’ve been hurt or disrespected, but not in a confrontational way. Yesterday, I read the Savvy Dating blog. I love reading her blog, and the title “The Type of Women Men Marry” caught my eye. I read it, along with the comments of her readers. In the first paragraph, the author told the story of a conversation she had with a friend. Said friend couldn’t understand why an ex recently married a “heavy” girl but was always on her to lose weight. One of the comments relating to “heavy” girls was:

He gets the “heavy girl” because her self-esteem/self worth may not be as high as everyone else. This is what I call the “investment chick”. She has all the basics that he wants but she still has room for improvements that he can help her make. His {He} gets a return on his investment after “encouraging” her to lose the weight. Not only does {she} lose the weight making her the 10 he originally wanted, but she is going to truly think he loves her because he took the time to support her getting healthy but really it’s for his personal gain.

There are SO many things wrong with this statement. First, who says that “heavy” girls have low self-esteem/self-worth? Neither of these is directly correlated with one’s size. A girl who is a size 4 can feel completely dissatisfied with herself while a girl who is a size 18 knows her worth and won’t settle for anyone who doesn’t realize it also.  Next, is a man really going to date a woman who is overweight just for the simple fact he can encourage her to lose weight and be her savior??? Uh, I don’t think so. Maybe the woman he married had something this other woman didn’t; maybe she loved herself how she was, loved this man for who he was, he saw her as a helpmate and not a hindrance, and maybe she was bringing something to the table this man liked. Lastly, just because a woman is not a size 6 doesn’t mean she’s not a “10”. I’m really surprised no one called this woman out on this comment. Men like confident women, and the woman who is a size 16 and walks into any room like she owns it is going to the get the attention rather than a woman who is a size 6 and walks in like she’s scared.  As my “auntie” Casey tells me all the time, “There’s a taste for every shape.”

I have a cousin who as long as I’ve known her has never been a small woman.  She has always been confident, been fly, been attractive, and had herself together.  She turned 40 this year and also celebrated her 19th wedding anniversary. To my knowledge, her weight has never been an issue with her husband. He loves her for who she is and what she brings to their relationship.

In my adult life, I have never been smaller than a size 12, and I’ve never had a problem with my self-esteem or self-worth. My mother taught me growing up that I was smart and pretty and that I have a lot to offer to the world, not just a man. No, I’m not always happy with my size, but who is? I know plenty of women who are a size 6, 8, or whatever (smaller than me) and they want to lose weight. If and when I decide to lose weight, it’ll be my decision. Not because I want to impress/get/keep a man. I’ve had enough men to approach me being the size I am now.

What do you guys think? Am I being too sensitive? Do you agree with this young lady’s statement about “heavy” girls? Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Tell Us Why You Mad, Son-Take Two

Brian White, you know the cutie from the feature film “Stomp the Yard” and TNT drama “Men of a Certain Age“, got married this weekend!  But everything wasn’t blissful for the groom.  Apparently, some people are hating on Brian and his new bride, Paula Da Silva, because she is not black.  Brian, who is a very vocal celebrity on Twitter, even retweeted comments that his friends made stating that people (i.e. black women) are hating on him because his wife isn’t black. 

Apparently, Brian spent some time on his honeymoon giving energy and credence to the people who were not excited about his interracial marriage.  Some people seem to think that his getting married nullifies the rumor that he was suspect, others claim they never wanted him in the first place, and more people could probably care even less.  It appears to me that instead of his giving credence to these people who mean him no good and whom he’ll probably never meet in life anyway, Brian should enjoy himself with his new bride and the life they are going to spend together.  But he really must have been hot under the collar to pay attention to all these people.

So what say you Southern Girl audience?  Was Brian right in giving these people his attention during what should be one of the happiest moments in his life?  Or should he just ignore them?  And is interracial dating even an issue in 2010?  (Oh, it is according to Dr. Laura; we “blacks” have become much more sensitive about race since President Obama has been elected…#please)  Do black women even want Brian White?  Or is this just an example of an arrogant actor getting his rocks off thinking everyone wants him?  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

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