Guy Week – The Conclusion

Well, we are at the end of another work week.  And we’re at the end of Guy Week.  We’ve learned that every girl should have a go-to guy for handy work around the house (or learn to do somethings yourself :)), how to avoid smooth talkers, your dream guy may not live in your same city, and to realize that there are some things that you are not willing to work through.  The same lessons can be applied to men when it comes to women.

As I was creating some of my posts this week, I sensed a resounding theme-that not everything is going to be “diamonds and Rose’, but it should be.” (Ha!  Sorry I couldn’t help it!  If you watch the “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”, you totally got that!)  As I am coming upon another year of life, I’ve come to the realization that I should not be afraid to speak my truths.  I didn’t always speak up for myself when it mattered, according to Southern Mom.  And I’m inclined to agree with her. But as I’m approaching 31 in a just a few days (YIKES!), I realize I shouldn’t be afraid to speak my mind.  I shouldn’t be afraid to say what I need.  I shouldn’t be afraid to say what I want.  And I darn sure should not be afraid to go and get those things.

The posts this week are my truths.  They most likely are not yours.  And that’s ok.  The wonderfully splendid thing is that we are ALL different, so we each have a different story to tell.

One thing that I totally should have touched on was the relationships guys have with their daughters.  A father is the first interaction a little girl has with a man.  That relationship shapes this girl’s interactions with men for the rest of her life. If I can be candid, Southern Dad and I have had our relationship ups and downs.  I love my daddy fiercely, but there are some times where I just want him to leave me alone.  (And I think we can all relate to that on some level with both parents.) I try not to  dwell on that as I’m learning not to take him for granted.  Mainly because I think about my uncles that have passed, and I realize how blessed I am to still be able to pick up the phone and talk to my dad.  Unfortunately, not all of my cousins have that.  But they do have an extra angel in heaven looking down on them.

The good and bad things that are apparent in a daughter’s relationship with her father can (and most likely will) seep over into any and all romantic relationships she encounters.  And I can testify to that.  And even at my age, I’m still discovering things, good and bad, about my relationships.  And honestly, I don’t think I could have discovered these things without taking the time to work on and getting to know me.

So, if you are a man with a daughter, think about the relationship you have with her.  Think about how your presence or non-presence can manifest itself when it’s time for her to become a wife and mother.

Well, I guess I ended up talking about the father/daughter relationship after all. 🙂  I hope you all have an amazing weekend.  I know I am!  It’s officially Birthday Weekend!!!  (Well, technically not until 5:30 pm EST.)  Enjoy your Friday and Saturday and Sunday!  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

Guy Week – How Much Do You Invest?

I started talking to an old beau again.  Which one? It doesn’t matter.  One, I don’t think it’s going anywhere since we haven’t talked in over a week.  Two, even if it did have the potential to work, I’m not sure I’m willing to invest the time and energy it would take to make this particular relationship work.  I know I’m not a perfect person, but there are a few things about him that I find undesirable.  They do not outnumber the good, but their weight is greater.  The good thing is that he admitted he had an issue.  The next thing is that he has to work on that issue.  So far, there hasn’t been any change.  And I know that because of what I see.  If I work on that issue more than him, to me, that means he really doesn’t want anything to be “fixed”.  Or I want it to be fixed more than he does.  In either case, the ending won’t be pretty.   Because it will end.

In all tense and purposes, he’s a good guy.  We enjoy each other’s company and have great dialogue.  But since there are no deep-rooted feelings (yet) I think it’s in my best interest to walk away now-before I have too much invested and it’s harder for me to let go.

When you meet someone that you are attracted to and feel there may be potential, what’s your breaking point?  What makes you go in the opposite direction?  Or do you aim to work at everything, no matter what you see?  For the most part, I’m pretty easy going and can be somewhat of a pushover.  And I have put up with A LOT from the opposite sex.  Mainly because I like to keep things copacetic and even keel, even if I’m setting myself up for failure or I’m not completely happy and/or satisfied.  But as I have matured and gotten older, I realize I’m doing a disservice to myself by being so accommodating.

So, the moral of this post is, when you meet someone, how much are you willing to put up with/ignore/work on in order to make the relationship work?  If you have to fix a few kinks here and there in order to have the perfect relationship for you, I’m totally willing to work on that.  But if there are major issues that need to be worked on/resolved/addressed, wouldn’t it be easier to just walk away, especially in the beginning before you get all wrapped up in the other person?  Maybe I’m a little too impatient or uncaring or a little of both.  At the age I am now, I believe there are some things that a man should already know when it comes to dating someone.  But there has to be something to make me want to put in the effort it’s going to take to make this thing sustainable. And it definitely can’t be a one-way street.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Guy Week – He’s Not Here

In December, a friend of a friend posted something on Facebook that inspired me so much that I wrote it down.  In essence, she was stating how as women, we are taught to plan and strategize for our professional careers.  But the main thing that God ordained for people-marriage-we let happen by chance.  We don’t plan and prepare for our mate; we just let the chips fall where they may.  I have no issue saying I want to be in a relationship and one day hope to be married.  And while I do not know if God will keep me in DC, I know that’s where I am now.  But what if my future mate isn’t?

I can think of two relationships from the top of my head where each party lived in a different city.  One couple has been married for a few years. Before their marriage, they lived thousands of miles away from each other.  Once they became husband and wife, they wanted to live in their hometown, but due to the husband not being able to find a job in his field, the wife moved to where he lived. The other couple just became engaged, and the woman moved to where her fiancee lives.  I have thought and joked around MANY times that my future husband is not in DC.  And what if I’m right?  I clearly do not plan on moving every 3-5 years just to potentially meet my husband.  But would that be completely foolish or would it be strategic planning?  If I don’t move to where he is or he doesn’t move to DC, am I just supposed to be content with never getting married?  Or end up getting married for the wrong reasons?

I totally believe that God has this perfect person for me.  And I have no problem (well, maybe slight impatience) waiting on him.  I’m not saying I want to be married tomorrow.  I’m just saying I would at least like to know who my husband is and begin building our relationship.  Hopefully he’ll cross my path soon if we don’t already know each other.  Maybe we’ll meet on one of the vacations I have planned this summer.  Or maybe we’ll meet when he visits his boys in DC.

In the meantime while I’m waiting for him to find me, I’ll continue living my life.  I’ll prepare to celebrate my birthday, for my crowning as Ms. DC Exquisite 2013, for the trips I have planned (and the ones I’m thinking about planning), and on becoming a better Elle.  With anything in life, you have to prepare and plan.  You wouldn’t go into a job interview without planning the right suit to wear or what time you need to leave your home to make sure you arrive on time or researching the company or thinking about what questions they might ask you.  It’s the same for a mate.  I need to plan to meet him, so when God does allow our paths to cross, I’ll be ready.  In a sermon I once heard, the pastor stated if you ARE ready you don’t have to worry about GETTING ready.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Guy Week – Don’t Fall For Harley

Last weekend, I saw Tyler Perry’s new movie “Temptation” with a few of my cousins.  While the movie wasn’t the greatest thing I’ve seen, it definitely had some lessons to be learned.  I’ll try not to tell the whole movie (actually if you have a desire to see the movie, you may want to skip this), but as you can guess, a happily married woman has an affair.  Drama and mayhem ensue. People get hurt.  The End.  Harley, The Other Man, was an attractive, confident (and cocky), smooth talking, chocolate-y scrumptious, wealthy man.  He was also conniving, manipulative, ruthless, and narcissistic.  Harley was able to get into Judith’s head.  He preyed on her insecurities.  He saw an opening and forced himself in.  And, most importantly, he would not take no for an answer.  No matter how many times Judith said “No” and resisted temptation, Harley would continue to pop up and work on the seduction.  Even after they had sex (the first time) and Judith stated she didn’t want to see Harley again, he continued to keep popping up.  Judith finally fell victim to Harley, for good.  She became a completely different person. She changed her style of dress. She disrespected her mother.  She left her husband.  She even became a drug addict.

Men who are like Harley mean women no good.  Their goal is to conquer.  They’ll get you at first by being a smooth talker, telling you what you want to hear, and giving you things.  They’ll promise you passion beyond your wildest dreams.  But at the end of the day, they can become mean and controlling.  Watching this movie made me think of “Scandal”. (I know, I know-don’t judge me.)  During their official break-up, Liv told Edison that she wanted a love that was filled with passion and pain.  Edison’s response was that love should be full of passion but it should not hurt.  And he couldn’t be more right.  Yes, Judith’s husband, Brice, took her for granted, and they were getting along to get along, but at the end of the day, Brice loved her.  Ladies, don’t get blinded by the shiny lights.  The grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

The greatest thing you can do for yourself and your relationship is to tell your mate if something isn’t working.  If he chooses to ignore it, that’s when you leave.  You don’t make a bad situation worse by lying to your mate to go do things with someone else you know you shouldn’t be doing.  And not only that, when someone shows you his crazy, believe him.  Harley showed Judith multiple signs of his crazy, but she chose to ignore it.  Don’t get so caught up in the promises that one is making that you also throw away bad.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Guy Week – My Go-To Guy

Guy Week is here! A little delayed, but it’s here none-the-less. I hope you guys enjoy!

I have a bookcase that I want to get.  But I’m a weakling.  And I’m not handy.  And I live on the 2nd floor of my building.  I could call Southern Dad to help…but he lives in Florida.  I don’t have any brothers, so that’s not an option.  And my closest cousins live two states away.  And I’m single.  You see where this is going.  Who in the heck am I gonna get to help me put this bookcase together?!? And there’s my problem.  That’s why I still don’t have a bookcase, but I do have three stacks of books in my bedroom.

My friend Ms. A and I were having a conversation a few weeks ago (the same one that inspired Guy Week), and one of the things we discussed was the good and bad of living away from home.  Yes, we’re independent and made friends and have made our own way.  But we’re far from family.  Yes, we have male friends, but no one that we would want to ask for help, for fear they would want something in return that we aren’t willing to give.  Or we don’t feel comfortable asking them.  Or we just don’t want them to know where we live.

When I first moved to DC I had a friend, we’ll call him Brick, who was my Go-To Guy.  When my cousins brought my furniture from Southern Mom’s house, Brick helped us move (although he was ridiculously late).  When I realized I left the slats for my bed, Brick came over, measured my bed, went to Lowes to get the slats, and came back and put them under my mattress.  When my car was snowed in during Snowmaggedon, Brick took me to work. (It helped we worked at the same place.)  He even changed the showerhead for me. Brick did all of these things not because he was looking for something.  He did them because he’s a nice guy.  And I should also state this was a give and take situation.  I did things for Brick as well.  That was the type of friendship that we had.  I’m really sad he’s back in Florida.

It always help to have some muscle around, no matter what people say.  There may come a time when there’s some minor repair you need to get done.  Or there may be times when your car is snowed in.  Or you come across this nasty bug that you’re afraid to kill.  I tried for two seconds to shovel my car out of the snow and decided this wasn’t working well and called someone to do it for me.  But I can kill a bug, after my heartbeat slows down and I catch my breath.  I could always take TyAnthony’s advice and put together the bookcase myself.  But I don’t really like that idea.  I feel like there are some things a man should do.  And working with tools and putting this bookcase together is one of them.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!