Where My Girls At??? (Part Two)

I will attempt to convey my thoughts in this post that I originally tried to do two weeks ago. ūüôā

Long story short, I want to see sitcoms (because let’s face it, a drama may be far-fetched) of my peers on network television.¬†¬† Based¬†on the shows that I mentioned in Part One, I had friends that mirrored and shared some similarities with the characters on our television screen.¬† And those characters transcended race.¬†

Growing up, I could look to Whitley Gilbert, Khadijah James, Claire Huxtable, and Joan Clayton as women who inspired me to do great things and to aspire to become someone wonderful.¬† Who do the girls have to look up to today?¬† Snooki, Evelyn, and NeNe? If so, we are in a world of trouble.¬† I think it’s important for all of us to realize we must reach the children in our families and neighborhoods.¬† It’s up to us to serve as the positive role models that this generation can look up to.¬† And to show them positive images of women that they believe they can emulate or even transcend, even if it’s the women behind the scenes, like Shonda Rhimes and Mara Brock Akil.¬†

I really think I want to get into more writing and creating characters that all women, young or old, Black or White, can look at and say, “I want to be like her” or “That is SO me!” or “She reminds me of my best friend”.¬† I challenge all of you to make a decision on what you will do to conscientously make a positive impact on the lives of young women in your community.¬† And share with us here on the blog.¬† Feel free to recruit others and to bounce ideas off each other.¬† Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

So…You Have a Girlfriend?

First, I must say that this post is for all of you men who try to holla at ladies knowing full well that you have a girlfriend/fiancee waiting on you at home.¬† Don’t think you’re so slick that the new women you meet and talk to won’t find out, because we will.

So I had an experience yesterday that made me think of past issues I had and inspired this post.¬†¬†One of my “aunties” and another woman decided to play “matchmaker” with a certain young man and myself.¬† This young man and I work in the same location and really don’t have reason to interact with each other, but we would find ways to strike up a conversation and even planned to do things after work.¬†¬† Now, the first red flag (ladies, ALWAYS pay attention to the red flag) was this guy lied…alot.¬† For example, said auntie planned for the three of us to go out to a Happy Hour in the city after work one day.¬† Young guy¬†said he had to get a haircut and some other nonsense, so he would meet us later.¬† Needless to say, he didn’t show up and didn’t return a call that was made to him.¬†¬† And after this first time he didn’t¬†follow through, his number got deleted from my phone.¬† (Guys, I don’t know how it works with other women, but with me, once you’ve been deleted from my phone that means I’m done…and there’s no turning back.)¬† Since that time, he did the whole song-and-dance, you know, make plans, don’t follow through, and then apologize immensely.¬† Lucky for me, I didn’t trust him at his word anymore (I trusted his behavior), so I never really held credence to what he told me.¬† On yesterday, Matchmaker Auntie told me she found out he had a girlfriend.¬† Why was I not surprised?¬† That explains so much.¬†

When I was in Florida, I met two different guys who had girlfriends when we met.¬† Guy 1 and I met through a mutual friend’s party¬†and talked on the phone 2 hours the night we met (mind you we left the birthday party after 1 AM).¬†¬† He always called me first, let me know his schedule, and was very attentive.¬† Even though we didn’t go out that often, he made me feel like he was genuinely interested in me.¬† I, in my youth and being naive, made the mistake of befriending a co-worker and sharing my experiences with her; ladies, you know how it is-excited about the possibility of a new romance.¬† Turns out she had heard ol’ boy’s name before¬†and did some investigating of her own.¬† I get¬† a cryptic call from him one night, and it turns out that everything I told my co-worker she went around and shared with her friend…who happens to be friends with HIS girlfriend.¬† Yep, that’s right-he had a girlfriend.¬† So of course by the time he gets questioned by his girl, things are blown WAY out of proportion.¬† He proceeds to tell me something to the effect of, “We’re just friends, so I don’t feel like I have to justify myself to her, but she’s in this sensitive place right now, so I’m going to respect her wishes and not talk to you anymore.¬† But if I see you out I will speak.”¬† No need to worry about that, player.¬† After that conversation was finished, his number got deleted.¬† (I told ya’ll I don’t play.)¬† I believe he sent me a text that Christmas, but he got no response from me.

Guy 2 and I rolled in the same circle…I’m not really sure how we initially met, but there was some attraction and flirtation.¬† We never hung out one-on-one, but we would see each other out a lot, he would always approach me, and we had great dialogue.¬† I knew something wasn’t right because we never went out, and thanks to my “big brother”, I found out after about 3 weeks that this guy had a girlfriend. (Sigh…again????) But I never said anything to ol’ boy, and of course he never said anything to me.¬† After a few months, I was going to church one Sunday, and who do I see walking up the sidewalk in my direction?¬† Guy 2 AND the girlfriend.¬† (Yes, we knew we both attended the same church, but we never saw each other.)¬† Ladies, you¬†know how dudes get the “Oh Sh*t” face when something crazy happens?? Yeah, that’s the look he had once he realized it was me.¬†¬†When we passed each other, I said, “Good morning” to¬† both of them.¬† Wouldn’t you know it NEITHER one of them spoke??? Now¬†isn’t that just rude??? (Him, I could understand…slightly, but her???)¬† So I¬†keep walking thinking, “Wow…”¬† A few seconds later I hear my name.¬† Seems like he had a change¬†of heart and decided to speak.¬† He walked to¬†me, left his girlfriend where she was, and had a¬†brief conversation with me.¬† Didn’t bother to introduce his girlfriend, didn’t look at her and say “Honey, come meet Elle”, nothing.¬† I figured they were both rude and probably made for each other.¬†¬†About a¬†year later they got married, and as far as I know they are still in marital bliss.

Men, we ladies will ALWAYS find out when you already have a girlfriend, well those ladies that pay attention to context clues.¬† I don’t know why you guys feel the¬†need to omit stuff.¬†¬†If it’s so that you won’t¬†hurt our feelings, trust, we’re big girls and can handle it.¬† Or maybe you think you can find something you think is better.¬† I’m not sure what it is, but I¬†hope some of you can enlighten me, because I, and probably some other ladies, would really like to¬†know.¬† Honesty is the best policy.¬† I mean, wouldn’t you want a woman¬†to tell you if she had a¬†man?¬† Until next time, I’m just a Southern¬†girl…in the city.