The Other Woman

Boy meets girl.  Boy likes girl.  Girl likes boy back.  There’s just one problem.  Boy is married…to someone else.  For some people, that doesn’t seem to be a deterrent.  For the rest, that’s a sure sign that some mess could happen, and they walk away.

Yesterday, on the “Doug Banks Show”, their People Poll question was something akin to, “Why do people put all the blame on the ‘other woman’ for being a homewrecker?”  This was directly related to comments that Gabrielle Union made about her relationship with Dwayne Wade, who had a very public divorce and custody battle.  Gabrielle also mentioned (earlier this year) that the reputation she had of being a homewrecker ruined her career.  Her argument is that she makes Dwayne happy and that should be what matters.

Maybe it’s the traditional, Southern, Christian girl in me, but if a man is married and is hitting on me, I run in the other direction.  If a man is unhappy in his marriage, he needs to leave it.  While the other woman is to blame, the man is, too.  And men will continue to cheat on their wives if they find a woman who will agree to be the “side chick”.  For some, being the mistress has worked out (see Alicia Keys and Angelina Jolie).  But I honestly think that nothing good can come out of being with another woman’s husband.  Even if you’re unhappy or separated, that’s not good enough.  Let me see a divorce decree then we can talk.

There are a few things that make me uneasy about being with a married man.  One, he could be messy and not cover his tracks.  That can only bring trouble to my home.  God forbid his wife find out where I live and come knocking on my door.  Two, karma is a mean, ugly itch with a “b” in front, and I don’t want some chick sleeping with my husband (when I get one) because that’s what I did.  Third, what’s going to happen when I want to take our relationship further and for him to get a divorce?  For him that’s not an option, so I’m stuck watching from the sidelines and not having the opportunity to build a meaningful relationship of my own.

I’ve had some friends mention that you can’t break what’s already broken.  If that’s true, why is the man still in his marriage?  It may be easier said than done, but get a divorce.  Who wants to be in a miserable marriage?  I can be unhappy by myself.  And if you have children, they pick up on the tension between mom and dad.

So, the jist of today’s post is simple.  If you are with someone who is married, if they truly, honestly are unhappy and they truly, honestly want to be with you, let them handle their affairs and get a divorce.  Once the dust has settled and the divorce is final, he or she can pick up the phone.  If you’re meant to be together, things will work out in your favor.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city

This Week in the News

Before I begin today’s post, I just want to send special prayers to the families of Zenani Mandela, great-granddaughter of Nelson Mandela, and Maryland State Trooper Wesley Brown.   Both were senselessly and unexpectedly killed early this morning. 

As each week brings tons of news to us from around the world, I have decided each Friday I will (attempt to) discuss topics that are hot right now (or at least have people’s tongues wagging).  I’ll share a little bit of the story and provide my lively commentary to what’s going on. 

First, what seems to be the talk of the hip-hop world, is Slim Thug’s comments to Vibe magazine regarding Black women and relationships. (To read the article in its entirety, click here.)  Before I read the entire article, I was a little perturbed at what he said, or what people were quoting, which was pretty much all of the bad stuff.  Despite what I think about him as a rapper or a person or what have you, he did make some valid points about relationships.  Now, he really should not have generalized his statements as all ethnicities are probably guilty of what he accused Black women of, but his derogatory comments were too much.  My advice to him, which I have put into my own personal practice, is don’t make generalizations from a few people that you have met.    But quietly, I’m thinking that he made these comments on purpose.  Is Slim Thug really relevant anymore???  Did he make these comments just so his name would still in people’s mouths???

Next up, Joran van der Sloot.  Do I REALLY need to say more?  This guy, at only 22 years old, is all sorts of trouble.   First, a woman, 21 year old student Stephany Ramirez, is found dead in his hotel room in Chile-the reason?  According to van der Sloot, it’s because she found evidence that linked him to the Natalee Holloway disappearance.   Next, he tells the Chilean authorities that he will reveal the location of Holloway’s remains, but only to Peruvian authorities.  Lastly (or at least the last thing I heard), was that he was arrested for extortion as he contacted the Holloway family to pay him $25,000 to reveal the location of Natalee’s body.   (Read all of the details in this article.)  I really hope that if he is guilty (as we are all innocent until proven guilty) he gets the maximum punishment.  It really seems as if he has no remorse.  And did he really think that contacting the family and asking for money was smart?  I mean, doesn’t he know that they would unquestionably contact the proper authorities and his butt would be arrested?!?!?  I wouldn’t be surprised if he showed up on an episode of “World’s Dumbest Criminals”.   The guy does have to be pretty smart to elude prosecution so far, as he had to be let go (twice) from police custody for lack of evidence.  I do hope both families get the closure they need and both girls get the justice they so rightly deserve. 

The NBA Finals- I have only one thing to say…  GO CELTICS!!!  I’m so glad I was able to watch the last few minutes of the game last night.  I really feel like there is a competition going on, and I can’t wait to see Game 5 on Sunday! (Wait, it is Sunday, right?!) 

Last, but certainly not least, is the breakup of the 40 year marriage of Al and Tipper Gore.  (Yes, I know this is last week’s news, but I still feel the need to discuss this.)  Ok, seriously, who does that?   As someone who truly believes in true love and all that, I was very disheartened when I heard this news.   This is not a good look, at all.   After going through so much and still sticking by each other, they’re just going to throw 40 years away.  Some experts say that due to longer life expentancies more long lasting marriages are ending in divorce.   This does not sit well with me at all.  So, this message is for my future husband, whomever and wherever he may be- I don’t plan on getting divorced…ever.  I’m in it for the long haul, and you should be, too.  If you’re not sure you can make a lifetime commitment to me, then I may not be the one for you.  (Ok, thanks for letting me take that little break.)   And to add insult to injury, their oldest daughter Karenna is getting divorced as well.  *Sigh*  But the Gores say their split is amiacable, so I guess that makes it ok…(no it doesn’t, but I’m trying to play diplomatic.)

So, what are your opinions of what’s going on?  Feel free to comment on any of the stories I mentioned, and please share some news of your own or anything that I did not mention.   I want to hear from you!!!  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.