My Life is NOT Boring!

Yesterday at a meeting, I told my friend that my life was boring when she asked me what I’ve been up to.  For a long time, I used to associate my dating life with whether or not my life was interesting.  Yeah…I’m glad it took me 30 some odd years to come to my senses.  On the contrary, my life is far from boring.

First, let’s talk about my job.  Some folks don’t like their jobs.  But not me.  And I’m not just saying that.  I love what I do.  Some of my co-workers find it hard to believe when I say that I’m glad I’m there. Don’t get me wrong-there are definitely aspects that I wish I could change (nothing’s perfect).  But on the grand scheme of things, my job is pretty snazzy.

Second, I’m still super involved.  I serve on a few boards, I’m becoming more involved with my local sorority chapter, and I’m heavily involved with part of the planning for the DC Black Theatre Festival (which I always love!), that is scheduled for the end of June.

Third, I have a social life.  Just this weekend, I went to happy hour, the Wizards/Bulls game, AND an NFL playoff watch party.  I had fun!  I hung out with some old friends and met some new folks.  And I played Spades, which I haven’t done in awhile. And though my partner and I didn’t win, I know if we had kept playing the second round we would have redeemed ourselves!

Lastly, I actually DO have a hot date this Friday.  It’s someone I’ve known for awhile, and I’m glad this opportunity presented itself for us to hang out so we could get to know each other better.  We’re going to hear one of my FAVORITE artists.  Oh, who is it, you may ask??? Well, it’s me!  🙂  It’s been awhile since I’ve taken myself on a date, unless you count me sitting on my couch watching “Scandal” and “The Walking Dead”.  To be honest, I definitely thought about inviting my friends to go with me…but I decided not to.  It’s been way too long since I’ve gone out by myself and enjoyed my own company.   And in an effort to take care of me in 2015, I feel like I can be a little selfish.

So, as you can see (and you being me), my life is far from boring.  I have stuff going on.  And my social calendar for January is continuing to fill up as we speak…well, as I type this.  In any event, I charge all of you to take yourself out on date.  If there is something you enjoy doing, go do it.  Don’t invite your girls, your boys, or your boo.  Go by yourself.  And rediscover how great of a person you are.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

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Revamping My Dating Habits

Man and Woman Drinking at Bar

I have a friend, we’ll call her Michelle, who loves getting to know new people. When you talk to her, she’s so engaging that she makes you feel as if everything you said is the most interesting thing she’s ever heard. She’s confident, not cocky, and has the ridiculous ability to connect with people she just met. Not surprisingly, this girl has no problem in situations where she doesn’t know anyone. Her congeniality and charisma has gained her a great group of friends and helped her receive an offer for every job she’s ever interviewed for. But arguably more impressive, this girl has never had a bad first date.

I know.

Granted, it’s not like Michelle has a revolving door of men in and out of her life, but I would think even hitting 5-6 first dates and they’ve all been good is pretty damn impressive.

I have to admit, I held onto a little contempt for her since I’ve had my fair share of bad dates. But then I started thinking about some of the reasons she gave for why she thinks that they usually go so well, and admittedly, I realized there are a few things that I could be doing to make my dates better too.

One thing I learned I need to work on is giving people the benefit of the doubt. Everyone wants to put on their best impression during a first date. But there are plenty of things that could cause people to be off their game on a first date. Of course there are nerves, but sometimes, there are other things that might be making them uneasy. For example, my co-worker once told me that he had to leave a date early because he had horrible gas after eating a Fiber One bar. Apparently these things are no joke. There’s even a message board dedicated to the topic on My Fitness Pal, and the comments span over three years. The poor guy had no idea the bars caused such “unpleasant” side effects. He simply couldn’t stand it any longer, and had to cut the date short. His date left thinking he was a squirming weirdo and declined his invitation for a rain check.

When your date seems to be a little on edge (hopefully from nerves, not gas), Michelle says she’s tries to reassure them by saying something along the lines of “I was a little nervous but I’m having a great time!” or she compliments them on their restaurant choice or wardrobe.

And it’s not just Michelle that thinks it’s a smart idea.  A blogger over at “Adam and Eve” said that, “Most ladies will try and make an anxious date feel more comfortable,” in a recently shared dating guide for guys blog post. I tend to be more passive and I suppose I usually just absent-mindedly hope that the guy will make me feel more comfortable. I guess I figured that because he asked me out, he was confident and didn’t need reassurance. Now I’ll be more conscious about being just as complimentary to the guy as he is to me.

She also said that if her date’s nerves seem to be getting the best of them, she tries to take the reigns a little throughout the night. To engage her date, she asks them questions about things that they’re passionate about. She’ll also suggest something fun to do that won’t interrupt the night, like stopping for ice cream or popping into an interesting shop that they pass. Not only does it help take the pressure off of the other person, but it also gives you a sense of responsibility for having a good time throughout the night.

Finally Michelle said she always tries to keep an open mind. There are plenty of guys that turned out to be amazing once she got some one-on-one time with them. Even now she’s dating one such guy, and is still great friends with another. Obviously a lot of men and women are guilty of not giving the other the time of day if they don’t feel that “spark” right away. It seems like a waste of time when you don’t feel anything from the get go. But like the “Huffington Post” says, if you’re still single, it’s obvious that your past type hasn’t been working for you.” You’ll never know if there’s something better out there for you unless you give someone new a shot.

Maybe I won’t have a spotless dating record like Michelle, but by changing my own behavior, hopefully I’ll set myself up for some better first dates in the future.

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The Single Life

For the first time in a LONG time I have no potentials.  No one I’m dating.  No one I’m talking to.  No one.  It’s weird.  This is a new space for me.  And it’s been this way since February.  Being the serial dater I am (or at least used to be), it’s nothing for me to pick up the phone and call someone, or have someone call me, to go to dinner, catch a movie, see a play, whatever.   I wouldn’t say I crave attention from the opposite sex, but it’s nice to have.  Someone to flirt with.  Someone to hang out with.  Even if I knew the guy had no staying power, I can admit it was nice to feel attractive and wanted and to hang out with someone that wasn’t my homegirl.

Saturday night, after a fun-filled day of celebrating with friends at a housewarming, I got to my house and felt antsy.  It was still light out, was a gorgeous evening, and I didn’t want to spend another Saturday night at my house watching tv.  I had someone that I wanted to call, someone that no matter what I do I can’t get him out of my system.  And as much as my finger has been itching to dial his number, I have resisted the urge.  (YAY me!)  So, I called up two of my friends instead (really I called more but they were the ones that answered), and we headed out to enjoy dinner, cocktails, and cupcakes.  Of course, the conversation turned to how we were all single.  And how negroes ain’t ish (one of us just had a nasty break-up).  And we talked about how the craziest, meanest, rudest people always seem to find each other and stay together, while us nice folks finish last and keep meeting people who do us dirty. (To quote one of my friends, “The horrible people always seem to find each other.”) Even the young lady at the table next to ours chimed in her agreement.

But, at the end of the day, we all agreed that a man perfectly designed for each of us IS out there…and they are going to find us.  And even though we’ve experienced heartbreak, jerks, and a few lonely Saturday nights as of late, it’s not going to be that way forever.  Though I’m 30 something years old, I still have this fairy tale fantasy that the man for me is out there.  And he’s going to find me…while I’m still in my prime and can bear him some children after we walk down the aisle.

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

On The Come Up

Earlier last week, my friend…we’ll call her Miss Chi-Town and I were having a discussion about men and women and babies.  Specifically, we were talking about men that get women pregnant on purpose.   Because we live in a “man’s world”, every bad thing that happens is the fault of women.  And I have heard ad nauseum about women who get pregnant on purpose to trap a man.  But what about men that get women pregnant on purpose?

Let’s be honest.  I live in a city where people are educated and have pretty good jobs, or they are on their way to getting a pretty good job.   But, just as there are women doing well, there are men that are looking for a come up, which essentially means they would like to find a woman to take care of them.  Or least lay up in her house for a while.  And what seems to be a surefire way to make that happen is to have a baby.

After reading this article about Omarion, where he got his girlfriend pregnant on purpose, it really just brought this to life for me even more.

If  can be transparent for a minute, I recently met a guy who seemed like he’s cool.  He’s in his late 20’s, divorced, and is a dad.  But, he seems as is if he has no real ambition.  He works at a bar, where we met, 3 days a week.  When I asked him what he does when he’s not working, his response was, “Chill”.  -_- Say what now?  You all may be thinking I’m jumping the gun a little and should give this dude the benefit of the doubt but…I don’t think so.  And I’ll tell you why.  A few weekends ago, homeboy (let’s call him A.J.) asked if I had any plans.  I told him I was free until around 6 pm.  He stated he and his homeboy wanted to watch the Wizards game.  I asked where they were trying to go, thinking he wanted to meet and hang out with me.  He said, “We wanted to come to your place.”  SAY WHAT NOW?  Now, A.J. and I had yet to go out (due to my going home for a few weeks), and we’ve only talked on the phone.  Not to mention I’m not letting two strangers know where I live.  Not mention I care about my safety.  I told him, “Yeah…I don’t let just anyone come to the Batcave.”

Needless to say, A.J. and I never did have that first date…and we may not ever have it.

I totally think men use women for come-uppance ALL the time.  I think it was shown on “Being Mary Jane” with Avery and Andre, and I have read stories about this happening in real life.   So, to all of you in this crazy dating world, good luck to you!  And be wary of people looking to use you to advance themselves but not offering to bring anything to the table.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

He Hasn’t Called…Yet (An Update)

A hard head makes a soft behind…

After speaking with a good friend of mine, who has gotten married and had a baby within the last two years, I decided to follow-up on Jonathan.  Hey, following up with a potential suitor worked out great for her.  Anywho…

On Saturday, I called my groom-to-be friend-let’s call him Brad.  After getting the pleasantries out of the way, I asked Brad what was up with his friend Jonathan.   Brad had read last week’s post but had NO clue I was talking about his brunch.  (SMH, men…) Well, Brad said Jonathan was a good guy, and it was ironic that I called him because he and Jonathan had plans later that night.  So he had no problem asking Jonathan what he thought about me.  During our discussion, Brad mentioned we were ALL feeling happy during the brunch (there were unlimited mimosas, and our waitress may have been a little heavy handed) and that might be attributed to why Jonathan asked for my number-because we were all feeling a little friendly.  Possibly Jonathan hasn’t had a chance to call me due to a busy schedule. Or maybe he didn’t think of me in an “I’m interested” way but maybe in an “Elle is cool people” way.  I told Brad NOT to embarass me, which he assured me he would not do.  We even discussed doing a follow-up post, regardless of Jonathan’s response.  So I’m sure you all are wondering what happened…

Turns out, Jonathan is not interested in Elle; he got my number just to increase his contacts/make connections in DC, so is the reason Brad told me.  And I believe him.  Because if Jonathan WERE interested, he would have called a LONG time ago.  Oh, and he still hasn’t reached out.  But I’m ok with that.  Honestly, as I said to Brad during our conversation, my life is about to get so crazy now that I probably won’t have the time to seriously date anyone.

If, and that’s a BIG if, Jonathan calls, I’ll chat with him.  Besides, every girl needs someone that she can call on to be a Go To Guy.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

 

He Hasn’t Called…Yet

Two Sundays ago, I went to the engagement brunch of a couple of which I’m friendly with both parties, but I met the groom-to-be first and am somewhat a closer friend to him than the bride-to-be. I knew NO ONE else at the brunch. But, as luck would have it, I ended up sitting with some fellow South Carolinians, and as more luck would have it, we knew a few of the same people. One young lady and I are from the same (small) city. There was a guy I ended up sitting next to-let’s call him Jonathan. Though there were about 5 of us that kept conversing throughout the brunch, there were times Jonathan and I would have our own private conversations, most of which were initiated by him.

It started to snow (darn you, DC winter!), so everyone starts to scramble to pay their bills and get home before the weather gets bad. After I took a picture with the happy couple (I had to post the good news on Instagram), Jonathan asks for my number. He pulls out his phone, types in my number, AND asks for my last name. Jonathan’s cute, is tall, and has a deep voice, so I’m kinda excited he’s interested. And I can only gather that he’s interested, because HE asked for my number AND went through the trouble of saving it in his phone AND asked for my last name. I mean, that means he’s interested in me, right?

Well, it’s been almost two weeks, and I haven’t heard from Jonathan. Because I overanalyze everything, I begin to think he’s not interested and he’s not gonna call. Or maybe all of his contacts got erased from his phone and he lost my number. Or maybe I should stop tripping and ask for somebody to decipher the guy code. So what do I do? Of course I go to TyAnthony. I give him the scenario and ask why he wouldn’t call. He let me know that sometimes guys ask for a number for sport. He also said he may call-just to give him 2 weeks. My response is, “So he’s not interested? And what am I supposed to do after two weeks?” Ty said he would not have asked for my number if he wasn’t interested; he just may not be as interested as I want him to be. And not to do anything after 2 weeks; I shouldn’t be chasing dudes. Honestly, I swear he must be able to read my mind, because I was seriously thinking about going to my friend and asking about Jonathan. But based on the advice I received, I’ll let it go.

If it’s meant to be, he’ll call. If not, it’s back to the drawing board. Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Find Your Love in the New Year with Match.com!

http://blog.match.com/

The new year is upon us.  Hopefully you’ve made your New Year’s resolutions.  If you’re single, you may have told yourself that this year is THE year you find love!  And if it is, I’m sure you’ve thought of online dating.   As a matter of fact, in a recent poll,  Match.com found that 51% of singles’ New Year’s resolutions will be to socialize more and focus on finding that special someone, making the desire to connect with someone a driving force for singles’ to get online after the holidays.   And that’s  a pretty significant number.  So Match.com is helping all of the single folks out with a 3 day date pass!  Did you know that Match.com’s peak season, the site’s busiest time of year, kicked off New Year’s Day and spans all the way through Valentine’s Day, where Match will see a 25-30% increase in registrations to the site.  That seems like a great time to join and possibly meet the love of your life!  Simply log onto http://www.match.com/datepass to claim your 3-days free offer. 

Who knows, you could get lucky in love like this Match.com couple — have you seen their proposal?

So what are you waiting for?  Don’t let love wait!  Sign up for Match.com’s 3-day date pass today!  You have nothing to lose, but you have LOVE to gain!  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

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*This is a sponsored post for Match.com*