I Don’t Want to Be Here Forever

A few months ago, I found this AMAZING blog.  It was well-written, funny, and engaging.  And I could totally relate to the author.  She was a single woman with no children.  She has a job she loves.  She lives in a major city.  She is enjoying living her life.

But she also has a plethora of friends, some of whom are married.  And at times she hangs out with those friends.  And their married friends.  In one post, she mentioned that she has had friendships come to an end due to the girlfriend/wife not feeling comfortable with her friendship with the boyfriend/husband.  Although nothing ever happened between them and there is no attraction between the two.  (Think TyAnthony and me.) And even with the friends of friends-sometimes the wives think she may want their husbands.  I mean, she IS a single woman, which means she’s probably always looking.  Even if she’s with a group of married people. (I hope you noted my sarcasm.)

But, there are some instances where she and a friend make jokes about “sharing” said friend’s husband, specifically when it comes to home improvement.  She’s like me-she’s not that handy.  And when things need to get done around the house, said friend has no problem offering her husband to come help.  The girls hang out and catch up while the husband fixes whatever needs fixing.  They laugh and joke about sharing the husband. Then the couple leaves, and she does whatever single women in large cities do.

While reading her blog, I was thinking, “OMG!!!  She’s writing my life!” (Of course with a number of exceptions.)  I was totally going to immerse myself in her blog and read every word she had ever written.  But then I realized she’s 50+.  And is not married.  And doesn’t have any children.  While I can totally relate to her now, I don’t want to be her in 20 years.  She apparently has no plans to get married or have children.  And I think that’s amazing that she chose that life.  But that’s not the life I want.  So just know I won’t be in this place forever. And whatever place you’re currently in, it’s just a pit stop on your journey through life.  Stay faithful and true and know your (our) time is coming. 🙂 Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

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I Now Know Why

… I said I wasn’t going to date for awhile.  Unfortunately, I went back on my word and went on a date last night.  Yes, I believe I told someone that I wouldn’t go out on another date until there was another election (think mid-term)… Well, DC has a special election tomorrow, so does that count???

Anywho, not only did I go on a date, but it was with someone that I met online… I swear I’m a complete glutton for punishment.  As I told TyAnthony a few weeks ago, I got bored just working on me.  So I decided to do something about my boredom.  I put myself back on the dating scene.  I totally should not have done that.

My date last night was AWFUL!  Dude had NO personality.  I spent more time talking to the bartender and watching the Lakers/Spurs game than talking to my date.  And can someone PLEASE tell me what part of the game it is to invite a girl back to your place to “watch movies” on the first date???  -_-  I’m not the one.  Now, he did preface that statement by asking me what I was doing after our date was over.  But that’s really no excuse.

And not only was he a dud, but the restaurant was whack.  I’m glad that I was kind of still full from brunch and wasn’t really hungry, because I was not impressed with the food.  I even sent the first appetizer back, and I NEVER send food back.

Anywho, long story short, I’m going to continue to do what I was supposed to be doing in 2013-being focused on my reign as Ms. DC Exquisite, getting my business in order, and working on Elle, both professionally and personally.  And although there is another dude lurking in the shadows, I’m most likely going to keep him at a distance.  There is no country for Southern girls who encounter whack men.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Is This Appropriate?

As a single woman (who hopes to one day not be single), I am always cognizant of attractive (single) men.  (Well, always may be a stretch…)  Let’s just say I pay attention to my surroundings.  So when I went out with my neighbor Saturday night and one of her friends joined us, I noticed he was cute AND ringless on the finger where it mattered.  But alas, sad to say, he was married. 

After the UFC fight was over (after midnight), my neighbor (we’ll call her Erica) asked her married, ringless friend (we’ll call him Sean) to give us a ride home.  Sean agreed, and we all trooped out to his car.  Once we were all buckled in, Sean decided he wasn’t ready to go home yet.  After driving around (and some convincing from Sean since Erica and I were sleepy), we settled at a bar on U St.  While enjoying our drinks and hanging out, Sean asked us what was the freakiest thing we had ever done. o_O Say what now???  You guys don’t need to know what exactly was said; let’s just say we engaged in dialogue that, in my opinion, should not have been had between a married man and a woman that was not his wife.  We stayed at said bar until the lights came on, and then we left.  I think I got home around 3 in the morning. 

Sad to say, this is not the first time some woman’s husband has approached me from left field.  I’ve been propositioned, hit on, flirted with, and even told that an ex-girlfriend said it was painful to be with him (you get what I’m saying).  As I commented on Facebook yesterday, men and women can be doggish.  But I always give the side eye to men who are a little too forthcoming with information and a little too flirtatious.  And, as it was also pointed out to me, I will be married some day.  And I believe Karma is a mean, ugly b—-, and she comes back with a vengeance.  Would I want my husband to have these type of conversations with another woman?  Absolutely not.  Are these types of conversations appropriate?  IMHO, no. 

Since Erica didn’t have the answer to why he didn’t wear a ring, I asked Sean.  His response was, “I don’t wear rings, so I don’t have a wedding band.  And sometimes bands attract more women that not wearing one does.  Actually, none of my boys that are married wear one.”  But to me, a band is not for other women; it’s for your wife-as a symbol of your commitment to each other.  Sean said he’s never cheated on his wife, and she must be REALLY understanding if he can stay out til 3 o’clock in the morning.

So, am I completely innocent in the events of Saturday?  Sadly, no, but after writing this  out and doing some reflection, I realize that I need to do better.  Just because I’m a flirt by nature doesn’t mean I have the right to flirt with someone else’s husband, no matter how innocent it may appear to be and if he is the instigator.  Some people may not think anything is wrong with the scenario from this weekend.  As Erica told me, we don’t know the rules of their relationship.  Sean’s wife may be fine with him being out all hours of the night….without her.  I’m not sure I could ever be that understanding.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Maybe It’s Me

I can admit that I want to be in a relationship.  Being single is slightly overrated. I can also admit sometimes I come off a little too strong…maybe eager…when it comes to the opposite sex. And by eager, I mean accommodating-in the sense of losing a little bit of myself and compromising when I’m not getting compromise in return.

So, I could easily blame the guys I meet and put the blame on them, but what’s the common denominator? Me.  I know there are things in my actions that I will have to change in order to attract the right man.  But where do I start? With prayer.  I know I rarely talk about my faith, but if I want a Godly man I need do the right things to attract HIM to ME. 

I definitely won’t rush the process.  Everything happens in His time, not ours.  If I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that we make plans and God laughs.  And you may ask, “How do I know I’m meant to be in a relationship and eventually married?”  For the Bible tells me so; God didn’t intend for man to be single.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl
…in the city!

Who Am I Kidding?

In an effort to up the male population at my birthday party next week (YIKES!), I’ve taken to communicating with some guys that I haven’t spoken to in months.  Guys who are nice (in their own right), but nothing really popped off, there were no sparks, etc. 

Well, a simple conversation that started off with inviting one guy (I’ve mentioned him here-the one I met in ATL- and here) to brunch on my birthday, it ended in a TOTALLY different realm.  I will not go into too much detail (Southern Mom reads this blog), but I will say that he and I flirted incessantly and had a conversation that I don’t have with too many people…really with anyone.  We had a discussion about taking our relationship in a different direction.  His eyes were opened (I think I totally shocked him-and myself), and I have to admit I learned some interesting things about him. 

But I need to be honest with myself, this conversation is absolutely going NOWHERE.  I totally thought I would move my life in a different direction than I initially intended for it to go, but that’s not happening with ol’ boy; although he’s attractive, intelligent, witty, and has a lot going for him, we want different things. 

And since I’m doing the 31 Day Reset, there’s no reason why I should be moving backward, in any aspect of my life.  So, while it’s always nice to have somebody yummy to look at and have around, it’s not worth your morals, ethics, or beliefs.  It was fun, though, while it lasted.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

P.S. Oh, did I mention it’s Birthday Month?!?! 🙂

Why Go Back?

When it comes to relationships, most people are done (and I mean DONE) when they break up with their significant other.  But there are some who, for whatever reason, decide to re-visit an old romance.  Maybe they broke up because someone was moving away or their parents forbade it or the timing was off.  Whatever the case, some people have no problem getting back with an ex.

I have to admit, a few weeks ago I broke down and called The Boy.  I wanted to tell him I got the job (ok, maybe I wanted to brag a little), so I reached out to him.  I had decided that just because things didn’t go the way I wanted them to go didn’t mean that we couldn’t be friendly and cordial, which I told him.  We have great dialogue, which was never a problem for us.  Then, of course, our conversation turned to “us”.  I asked why he didn’t want to date me anymore; he said I never told you that.  I said you didn’t have to-your actions showed it.  So after some hemming and hawing, we decided we would try this dating thing again.  I had my reservations-I was DEEPLY skeptical-but he sounded sincere and like he had heard all of my concerns and was ready to make some changes.  He’s a movie buff, I wanted to see “Safe House”, so I suggested we go together.  He was given the responsibility of picking the theater and the time (since he’s always groaning he’s not a planner-I thought he would do ok with some direction).  The day of our date arrives.  I get a text message (A TEXT MESSAGE) from him as I’m calling him that says “Hey let’s reschedule”.  SO many thoughts are running through my head at this point-what the heck happened in 12 hours for you to want to reschedule-why couldn’t you pick up the phone-are you not answering the phone because you know I’ll cuss you out-and so forth.  After about 15 minutes, I texted him back and said “Let’s not”.  Honestly, I almost ignored it, but I wanted to let him know that I was done, like utterly and completely done.  And after not hearing a response back from him, 8 hours later I deleted our text message converations and his number from my phone.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, and he sends me an e-mail, asking for my opinion on some loafers…This is when I got angry.  So you think everything is water under the bridge and we’re cool again?  You obviously want me to yell and scream or otherwise you would have not sent me an e-mail (and E-MAIL of all things) asking for opinion about some shoes.  He may think nothing’s wrong and that I’m the bad guy.  But if he does, then he was never listening to me in the first place.  I did the mature thing and deleted his e-mail without responding.  (I know, how grown-up of me!)

So, I say all this to say, why do we re-visit past relationships?  For some, it works out, and they live happily ever after.  Unfortunately for Elle, I don’t think that’s a possibility.  I was at least willing to be The Boy’s friend, but if you can’t answer a phone call and send a text message instead…I can’t respect you as a person, and you’re not someone I would want to have in my life.  I’m glad I saw this 3 months in instead of 3 years; I’d probably be devastated!  If you have a story of going back with a happy ending, please share.  Or if you’re like me and opposed to it, I’ll take that, too.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Am I Wrong to Want a Valentine?

Yes, today is Wednesday.  No, there is no “Way Back Wednesday” post.  Why?  Because I have something I need to get off my chest that just can’t wait. 

As someone who says I’m happy being single, for the most part I’m telling the truth.  But every now and then, something creeps into my spirit and makes me a little sad that Southern Boy hasn’t come my way (or someone comparable to Southern Boy).  And then there’s Valentine’s Day, or as I sometimes call it “Valentomb’s” Day, taken from my girl Coral from the “Real World: Back to New York”.  

I don’t think I’m wrong in wanting a Valentine.  He doesn’t even have to be the boo.  But it would be nice to have a guy call me up, invite me to dinner, and we have a grand ol’ time.   I don’t need roses (though they would be nice) and I don’t need to be picked up (I prefer driving), but it would be swell to enjoy a meal with someone of the opposite sex who enjoys my company.  Actually, I’d even settle for dessert.  I’ve been on this kick to get a Valentine since February 1, not whole-heartedly of course.  I honestly thought someone would come across my tweet, put some feelers out there, and come back and say, “Hey, Elle! I have a great guy who said he’d be your Valentine!”  Yeah, that didn’t happen…

But you know what?  It’s ok, because I’ll be my OWN Valentine.  If my other single (or having boyfriends in different cities) linesisters in the DMV don’t want to do dinner on Monday, then I’ll take my own self out and be my own Valentine.  Or I could crawl up on my couch, pop some popcorn, and watch “Love Jones”, “Love and Basketball”, and “The Best Man”…which the more I think about it is not a bad idea…

What do you guys think?  Is there still time to catch a Valentine?  Should I embrace my inner Carmen and go after what I want?  Or should I just leave well enough alone and enjoy a night of ginger ale, Pop Secret, and Black love stories?  Until next time, I’m just a (Valentomb-less) Southern girl…in the city.

Today’s Black History Month Fact is about Elizabeth Key Grinstead.

In 1662, Elizabeth Key Grinstead was the first woman of African descent in the United States to sue for her freedom and that of her infant son and win.  Based on the fact her father was a white Englishman (her mother was a Black slave) and she was baptized as a Christian, her common-law husband and attorney William Grinstead argued that she should be set free.  The House of Burgesses had no choice but to grant Elizabeth her freedom.