He Hasn’t Called…Yet (An Update)

A hard head makes a soft behind…

After speaking with a good friend of mine, who has gotten married and had a baby within the last two years, I decided to follow-up on Jonathan.  Hey, following up with a potential suitor worked out great for her.  Anywho…

On Saturday, I called my groom-to-be friend-let’s call him Brad.  After getting the pleasantries out of the way, I asked Brad what was up with his friend Jonathan.   Brad had read last week’s post but had NO clue I was talking about his brunch.  (SMH, men…) Well, Brad said Jonathan was a good guy, and it was ironic that I called him because he and Jonathan had plans later that night.  So he had no problem asking Jonathan what he thought about me.  During our discussion, Brad mentioned we were ALL feeling happy during the brunch (there were unlimited mimosas, and our waitress may have been a little heavy handed) and that might be attributed to why Jonathan asked for my number-because we were all feeling a little friendly.  Possibly Jonathan hasn’t had a chance to call me due to a busy schedule. Or maybe he didn’t think of me in an “I’m interested” way but maybe in an “Elle is cool people” way.  I told Brad NOT to embarass me, which he assured me he would not do.  We even discussed doing a follow-up post, regardless of Jonathan’s response.  So I’m sure you all are wondering what happened…

Turns out, Jonathan is not interested in Elle; he got my number just to increase his contacts/make connections in DC, so is the reason Brad told me.  And I believe him.  Because if Jonathan WERE interested, he would have called a LONG time ago.  Oh, and he still hasn’t reached out.  But I’m ok with that.  Honestly, as I said to Brad during our conversation, my life is about to get so crazy now that I probably won’t have the time to seriously date anyone.

If, and that’s a BIG if, Jonathan calls, I’ll chat with him.  Besides, every girl needs someone that she can call on to be a Go To Guy.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!


It’s Good for the Gander

Based on conversations I’ve had with my dad recently, I think I already know the answer.  Not because we’ve discussed this topic in particular but because we’ve discussed other things, and I believe those topics have given me the answer.  I’m one smart cookie.  🙂

We live in a patriarchal society.  Since the beginning of time, women have been thought of as the weaker, lesser gender.  Some women (and men) have been brought up and raised to believe that men are stronger, smarter, wiser, and just all around the better gender.  During the Feminist Movement until today, women have had to prove that we are just as good as, if not better than, men.  We have to prove we’re tougher, smarter, wiser.  But when it comes to relationships and dating, things get a little tricky.  In our professional careers, we have to be strong and tenacious.  In our personal lives, we have to be demure and ladylike.  But, we also have to show we don’t NEED a man.  That we can take care of ourselves.  What happens when we want companionship and someone to come home to and someone to encourage us?  It’s not always easy out in these streets for a single girl.  There may come a time where we have to weigh our options…see what’s out there.  So we may date two or three lads at once.  And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

“Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you!”

I don’t remember what commercial that was from, but I do remember there was a guy and a girl having various competitions over…stuff.  Men have been known to date and pursue multiple women at the same time.  And women were taught to just sit back and wait until the man decided if he wanted you or not.  Well, as I have gotten older, I have decided that there is nothing wrong with a woman keeping her options open.  Meaning, if she wants to date multiple men at the same time, she should have at it!  Now, she should NOT have sex with all these people.  That’s way too much going on.  But, if she’s single, she should enjoy her single life-until one of her suitors decides he wants to be with her exclusively and have a relationship.  And that’s if she wants to be with him exclusively.  Now, IMHO, I don’t think she should volunteer this information to all of the men that she’s dating.  But if he asks her if she’s seeing anyone else, she should be honest.  A few years back, a guy that I had just started seeing, like on the first date, asked me if I was seeing anyone else.  I told him “yes”.  Then he proceeded to ask questions and wanted to know about ol’ boy.  I had to shut that down.  You’re getting to know ME-not the other dude I’m dating.

It also seems as if this phenomenon is a little…shall we say not accepted, when it comes to Black men.  I don’t like to generalize, but I’m sure if I took a poll-and they were honest-Black men would say they would not appreciate it or like it if the woman they were dating was seeing someone else, even if he were dating other women. 

But putting race aside, why is women dating multiple men not looked upon favorably?  Scroll back to the top of this post… Yep, that’s right.  We live in a patriarchal society.  Meaning everything is headed by, led by, and is about MEN!  What benefits the man-what makes the man feel comfortable-what is “better” for the man.  Well, in 2014 and this world of equality, I say if men can date multiple women until he finds The One, then women can, too.  What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

I Don’t Want to Be Here Forever

A few months ago, I found this AMAZING blog.  It was well-written, funny, and engaging.  And I could totally relate to the author.  She was a single woman with no children.  She has a job she loves.  She lives in a major city.  She is enjoying living her life.

But she also has a plethora of friends, some of whom are married.  And at times she hangs out with those friends.  And their married friends.  In one post, she mentioned that she has had friendships come to an end due to the girlfriend/wife not feeling comfortable with her friendship with the boyfriend/husband.  Although nothing ever happened between them and there is no attraction between the two.  (Think TyAnthony and me.) And even with the friends of friends-sometimes the wives think she may want their husbands.  I mean, she IS a single woman, which means she’s probably always looking.  Even if she’s with a group of married people. (I hope you noted my sarcasm.)

But, there are some instances where she and a friend make jokes about “sharing” said friend’s husband, specifically when it comes to home improvement.  She’s like me-she’s not that handy.  And when things need to get done around the house, said friend has no problem offering her husband to come help.  The girls hang out and catch up while the husband fixes whatever needs fixing.  They laugh and joke about sharing the husband. Then the couple leaves, and she does whatever single women in large cities do.

While reading her blog, I was thinking, “OMG!!!  She’s writing my life!” (Of course with a number of exceptions.)  I was totally going to immerse myself in her blog and read every word she had ever written.  But then I realized she’s 50+.  And is not married.  And doesn’t have any children.  While I can totally relate to her now, I don’t want to be her in 20 years.  She apparently has no plans to get married or have children.  And I think that’s amazing that she chose that life.  But that’s not the life I want.  So just know I won’t be in this place forever. And whatever place you’re currently in, it’s just a pit stop on your journey through life.  Stay faithful and true and know your (our) time is coming. 🙂 Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

I Now Know Why

… I said I wasn’t going to date for awhile.  Unfortunately, I went back on my word and went on a date last night.  Yes, I believe I told someone that I wouldn’t go out on another date until there was another election (think mid-term)… Well, DC has a special election tomorrow, so does that count???

Anywho, not only did I go on a date, but it was with someone that I met online… I swear I’m a complete glutton for punishment.  As I told TyAnthony a few weeks ago, I got bored just working on me.  So I decided to do something about my boredom.  I put myself back on the dating scene.  I totally should not have done that.

My date last night was AWFUL!  Dude had NO personality.  I spent more time talking to the bartender and watching the Lakers/Spurs game than talking to my date.  And can someone PLEASE tell me what part of the game it is to invite a girl back to your place to “watch movies” on the first date???  -_-  I’m not the one.  Now, he did preface that statement by asking me what I was doing after our date was over.  But that’s really no excuse.

And not only was he a dud, but the restaurant was whack.  I’m glad that I was kind of still full from brunch and wasn’t really hungry, because I was not impressed with the food.  I even sent the first appetizer back, and I NEVER send food back.

Anywho, long story short, I’m going to continue to do what I was supposed to be doing in 2013-being focused on my reign as Ms. DC Exquisite, getting my business in order, and working on Elle, both professionally and personally.  And although there is another dude lurking in the shadows, I’m most likely going to keep him at a distance.  There is no country for Southern girls who encounter whack men.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Is This Appropriate?

As a single woman (who hopes to one day not be single), I am always cognizant of attractive (single) men.  (Well, always may be a stretch…)  Let’s just say I pay attention to my surroundings.  So when I went out with my neighbor Saturday night and one of her friends joined us, I noticed he was cute AND ringless on the finger where it mattered.  But alas, sad to say, he was married. 

After the UFC fight was over (after midnight), my neighbor (we’ll call her Erica) asked her married, ringless friend (we’ll call him Sean) to give us a ride home.  Sean agreed, and we all trooped out to his car.  Once we were all buckled in, Sean decided he wasn’t ready to go home yet.  After driving around (and some convincing from Sean since Erica and I were sleepy), we settled at a bar on U St.  While enjoying our drinks and hanging out, Sean asked us what was the freakiest thing we had ever done. o_O Say what now???  You guys don’t need to know what exactly was said; let’s just say we engaged in dialogue that, in my opinion, should not have been had between a married man and a woman that was not his wife.  We stayed at said bar until the lights came on, and then we left.  I think I got home around 3 in the morning. 

Sad to say, this is not the first time some woman’s husband has approached me from left field.  I’ve been propositioned, hit on, flirted with, and even told that an ex-girlfriend said it was painful to be with him (you get what I’m saying).  As I commented on Facebook yesterday, men and women can be doggish.  But I always give the side eye to men who are a little too forthcoming with information and a little too flirtatious.  And, as it was also pointed out to me, I will be married some day.  And I believe Karma is a mean, ugly b—-, and she comes back with a vengeance.  Would I want my husband to have these type of conversations with another woman?  Absolutely not.  Are these types of conversations appropriate?  IMHO, no. 

Since Erica didn’t have the answer to why he didn’t wear a ring, I asked Sean.  His response was, “I don’t wear rings, so I don’t have a wedding band.  And sometimes bands attract more women that not wearing one does.  Actually, none of my boys that are married wear one.”  But to me, a band is not for other women; it’s for your wife-as a symbol of your commitment to each other.  Sean said he’s never cheated on his wife, and she must be REALLY understanding if he can stay out til 3 o’clock in the morning.

So, am I completely innocent in the events of Saturday?  Sadly, no, but after writing this  out and doing some reflection, I realize that I need to do better.  Just because I’m a flirt by nature doesn’t mean I have the right to flirt with someone else’s husband, no matter how innocent it may appear to be and if he is the instigator.  Some people may not think anything is wrong with the scenario from this weekend.  As Erica told me, we don’t know the rules of their relationship.  Sean’s wife may be fine with him being out all hours of the night….without her.  I’m not sure I could ever be that understanding.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.