You’re Bad For My Spirit

The older I have gotten, I have realized that, in dealing with the opposite sex, that it is of the utmost importance to take care of yourself first.  Not your man.  Not your woman. No one else but you. YOU.  If you allow them, people will suck the life out of you and take all of  you.  Why?  Because people are selfish as f*ck.

About two years ago, I met a guy (I’m sure I’ve referenced him here before; I just don’t feel like going back and linking previous posts) at an alumni event.  The first year passed without much incident. That second year…. We went on dates, we hung out, we laughed, things were good. Until they weren’t.  The last time he and I spoke in August, I told him that we should make a clean break, and if we see each other in the street, we say “What’s up?” and keep it moving.

Earlier this week, my phone rings.  I think it’s my eye doctor, so I answer. It’s this dude. (Huh????) He says he’s calling to find out if I’m going to a football game our alma mater is having later this month and that I crossed his mind and he thought about me.  I asked him if he remembered our last conversation, to which he replied yes.  This is then how the conversation went:

Me: If you remembered then I don’t think you would be calling me. 

Him: Why do you say that? 

Me: Because I told you that we should make a clean break.  But here you are calling me after three months.  A few weeks after our conversation, I told a friend of mine about you, and she was playing devil’s advocate.  She thought that maybe I should give you the benefit of the doubt and that I didn’t make myself clear with what I wanted while we were dealing with each other.  

Him: OK.

Me: So that there is no confusion, I don’t like talking to you.  You’re bad for my spirit.

Him: Oh, that’s cryptic. 

Me: How so?  

Him: Uhhhhh…

Me: If you don’t understand, say so so that I can explain it to you. 

Him: I don’t understand. 

Me: Then I’ll explain it to you.  I’m in my 30s. I’m passed the point in my life where I’m dating just to date.   And I’m done going back and forth with you.  Over the past two years, it’s been up and down and sometimes we’re dating and sometimes we’re not. So we just need to cut our losses and keep it moving. 

Him: Ok.

Me: So, again, so that I can make it clear, I don’t want to be your friend.  You keep popping back up in my life and I’ve got way too much going on to try to figure out what you want from me every few months.  So you have fun with whatever you’re doing tonight, tomorrow, whenever. Bye.

Today, this post is for ladies in general.  Single ladies in particular. Those single ladies that have had to deal with men that take us for granted.  Those men that feel they can play with our emotions.  Those men that are sometime-y.  Those men that are non-committal. Those men that feel like they can treat us any ol’ type of way.  And think that we are going to stay around to put up with it. Take back yourself, ladies. Take back your strength. Take back your independence. Take back your courage. And let these men know that we’re not putting up with their sh*t anymore.  We deserve better.  And these boys that think they’re men are going to continue to treat us this way if we allow it.  So demand better.  Treat yourself better.  You deserve it.  Don’t let these boys mess with your spirit; they’re not worth it.

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Let Me Re-Think This…

Photo available via Flickr

I hope you all had a great weekend!  I was able to relax and enjoy myself at home, which I haven’t been able to do in a long time!  As I stated in my birthday post, I’m using the next year to date and find ways to mingle more.  Well, I’m starting to re-think that.  (And yes, I know it’s only been a week.)

First, I did have a date this weekend.  Yes, the guy was nice enough, but there weren’t any sparks, and honestly, I’m not sure I am truly attracted to him.  Earlier last week, I was able to talk to a friend that I haven’t spoken to in awhile.  While speaking with her she let me know that she has given up on ever getting married and having children.  She has gotten a dog, who is now the love of her life, and is happy with just working and being single.  And to avoid questions from others about her relationship and motherhood status, she doesn’t attend functions (i.e. weddings and baby showers) anymore. 

Now, while I don’t think I will become as extreme as my friend, I am re-thinking this whole dating thing.  Yes, I talk about how I’d like some nice lad to come my way and sweep me off my feet, but I think I’m giving too much attention to this.  I should do as my “auntie” Madeline suggested and just focus on doing me and getting my life in order.  I think once that happens, everything that is for me will fall into place. 

Have you guys ever had to re-think something?  It’s great when we make plans and hope to do things that we think are going to enhance our life.  But I think in this situation I need to just focus on making Elle a better person holistically-then everything else will happen as it should.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Are You TRULY Happy?

I was talking to my friend Lola last night and relating how when I was younger I did the things I said I was going to do-I went to the college I said I wanted to attend, I pledged the sorority I dreamed of joining, I graduated with Honors, I became president of the organization I helped bring to my college campus, among other things.   And I didn’t have to work that hard to do them…well, not all of them.  I’m not saying that to say I’m great, but just stating once I set my mind to do something, I did it.  I had clear, concise goals, and I made them happen.  Currently, I feel like a piece of driftwood floating aimlessly in the Atlantic.  I moved to DC for a specific, career-driven purpose.  I even left my company in Florida knowing I was on the manager track to pursue my dream of coming to the nation’s capital.  Now that I’m here, it’s taken me a bit longer to realize my dream, but new dreams have been born and opportunities I never fathomed have come into my life.  And although things seem great to those on the outside looking in, things are not always what they seem. 

Although Lola tried to get me to perk up, it wasn’t happening.  I told her I was in a funk, and it should be gone by today.  But my little tirade made me think about myself and about others.  We only allow people to see what we want them to see.  Our co-workers, friends, even some of our family may not know the struggles we go through.  And if you’re like me, you don’t want people to worry about you, so you are Sally Sunshine 24/7 in hopes of not alarming anyone and going on about your business.  But if we are all honest with ourselves, are we TRULY happy?  Are we in our dream job (or doing something we enjoy), living where we want, have our finances in order, and really just happy being who we are and with life’s circumstances?  I’m clearly not trying to depress anyone (as one of my cousins said my post yesterday was depressing-I beg to differ), I just want us all to do a little soul-searching. 

Feel free to share your thoughts.  You don’t have to spill your guts 🙂 or even answer the question, but any and all feedback is welcomed!  (And if you see me out this weekend, please don’t ask me if everything’s ok.  It is!)  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

Today’s Black History Month fact:

Queen Nefertiti is the 2nd most famous queen out of Egypt.  Her likeness has been recreated over the centuries, and she is often referred to as the most beautiful woman in the world.  Read more about Queen Nefertiti here.