I Guess This IS Real Life

If you weren’t aware, I’m originally from South Carolina, born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of days… (Sorry, I got a little carried away.)  I loved growing up in South Carolina.  Even though it’s not the Deep South, it’s still the South, and you encounter a few folks that remind you it’s still the South, but for the most part, I had no issues growing up.  Unfortunately, just like there are people from EVERY state that do crazy things, I’m not too happy of some of the activities from people in my home state.  I love SC fiercely, but sometimes things happen that I just don’t understand and make me lower my Palmetto Flag just a little.  I’ve already discussed the representative that shouted at President Obama during his first State of the Union address, yet I’ve never mentioned former governor Mark Sanford.

Mark Sanford was governor from 2003-2011.  He was married and has 4 boys.  In June 2009, after telling his staff he was going camping, the governor disappeared.  Like he wasn’t answering phone calls from staff and didn’t call his boys on Father’s Day disappeared.  NO ONE could get in touch with him.  He was missing for a total of 6 days.  I distinctly remember telling my co-workers, former military men, that he was with a woman.  They looked at me like I was crazy.  A few days later, it came out the governor was in Argentina with his mistress.  It also came out that Sanford used state funds to visit the other woman.  The fallout included the governor stepping down from his presidential role of the Republican Governors Association, but he had no desire to step down from his gubernatorial post.  His wife left him and their divorce was final the next year.  He is currently engaged to his former mistress.  And he was just (re-)elected to the US House of Representatives in a special election earlier this week.

I say all of this to say I might be wrong.  If you remember my post from last week, I stated that the latest episode of “Scandal” was not real life.  Apparently you can have an affair for years, lie about your whereabouts for a week, admit to using state funds to pay for your adulteress excursions, divorce your wife, run for re-election, and win.  So maybe mistresses and adulterers stay winning after all.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

The Other Woman

Boy meets girl.  Boy likes girl.  Girl likes boy back.  There’s just one problem.  Boy is married…to someone else.  For some people, that doesn’t seem to be a deterrent.  For the rest, that’s a sure sign that some mess could happen, and they walk away.

Yesterday, on the “Doug Banks Show”, their People Poll question was something akin to, “Why do people put all the blame on the ‘other woman’ for being a homewrecker?”  This was directly related to comments that Gabrielle Union made about her relationship with Dwayne Wade, who had a very public divorce and custody battle.  Gabrielle also mentioned (earlier this year) that the reputation she had of being a homewrecker ruined her career.  Her argument is that she makes Dwayne happy and that should be what matters.

Maybe it’s the traditional, Southern, Christian girl in me, but if a man is married and is hitting on me, I run in the other direction.  If a man is unhappy in his marriage, he needs to leave it.  While the other woman is to blame, the man is, too.  And men will continue to cheat on their wives if they find a woman who will agree to be the “side chick”.  For some, being the mistress has worked out (see Alicia Keys and Angelina Jolie).  But I honestly think that nothing good can come out of being with another woman’s husband.  Even if you’re unhappy or separated, that’s not good enough.  Let me see a divorce decree then we can talk.

There are a few things that make me uneasy about being with a married man.  One, he could be messy and not cover his tracks.  That can only bring trouble to my home.  God forbid his wife find out where I live and come knocking on my door.  Two, karma is a mean, ugly itch with a “b” in front, and I don’t want some chick sleeping with my husband (when I get one) because that’s what I did.  Third, what’s going to happen when I want to take our relationship further and for him to get a divorce?  For him that’s not an option, so I’m stuck watching from the sidelines and not having the opportunity to build a meaningful relationship of my own.

I’ve had some friends mention that you can’t break what’s already broken.  If that’s true, why is the man still in his marriage?  It may be easier said than done, but get a divorce.  Who wants to be in a miserable marriage?  I can be unhappy by myself.  And if you have children, they pick up on the tension between mom and dad.

So, the jist of today’s post is simple.  If you are with someone who is married, if they truly, honestly are unhappy and they truly, honestly want to be with you, let them handle their affairs and get a divorce.  Once the dust has settled and the divorce is final, he or she can pick up the phone.  If you’re meant to be together, things will work out in your favor.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city