KeKe, That Ain’t Cool

I’ve found another reality show to watch.  (I know, I know, deep sigh.)  Last week, TVOne premiered its new show “R&B Divas”, featuring 5 songtresses from the ’90s led by Faith Evans.  Unlike most shows that are now on and feature women of African descent, these women aren’t fighting each other.  They all get along, serve as a support system for each other, AND they actually have a talent.  I know…SHOCKER!!!  While everything seems to be peachy keen, there is one lady that bothers me,  KeKe Wyatt.

Some of you may know KeKe as the woman who stabbed her husband about 10 years ago, forgetting that she’s the woman with the dynamic voice singing with Avant on “My First Love”.  If you’ve watched this show, you know that KeKe is now re-married to pastor-in-training Micheal and is expecting her sixth child.  You also know that wherever KeKe is, Michael is sure to follow.  The turmoil that happened in her previous marriage has affected KeKe’s current relationship, and she went into detail last night.  Her first husband, while he was always gone and out of the house, lied to and cheated on her.  So to combat that, she forces Michael to go wherever she goes and to not have friends of his own.  And amid her claims of abuse from her first husband (she stabbed him in self-defense), KeKe exhibits abusive behavior towards her husband.  On last night’s episode, while at the fashion show for Nicci Gilbert’s fashion line, KeKe smacks Michael in the face after he says something with which she doesn’t agree.

Now, there are SO many things that need addressing, so I’ll attempt to be brief.  I feel that I have the right to use them as an example for a number of reasons.  One, they put themselves on national television to be viewed by millions of people.  Two, sometimes people need to see something in living color to fully comprehend what may be going on in their own lives. Now, I’ve talked about abuse before and it being something that Black people don’t talk about.  KeKe is abusive towards her husband.  Yep, I said it.  She’s emotionally abusive.  He’s not allowed (I hate using that word for grown people) to have friends, and he’s not allowed to go anywhere without her.  KeKe went off on last night’s episode when a woman came into the studio and stood “too close” to her husband.  And we’ve seen her be physically abusive towards him with the slap in the face.  Some of you may think that’s no big deal, but isn’t that how physical brutality starts-with something small until it escalates?

KeKe’s insecurities have lead her to act this way.  The truly sad thing is that they are teaching this behavior to their children.  KeKe definitely should have sought therapy after her first marriage so she wouldn’t bring these feelings of doubt, fear, and control to her current relationship.  And I’m sure Michael loves her, that’s why he allows himself to be treated this way.  But when he completes his theological degree, what church is going to hire him as pastor?  I made mention on Facebook last night that I would not want to be a member of his church because he follows his wife, not the Lord.

Yes, the other women make suggestions about KeKe hanging out with them without Michael, but she’s not having it.  They either have to have them both, or she won’t come around.  With KeKe keeping a leash on Michael, the very thing that she is trying to avoid could happen.  He could leave her.

I hope this show serves as a mirror for KeKe, and she can see how unhealthy this type of controlling relationship is.  And I hope she can change her ways.  And would you believe she’s only 30???  (Yeah, I think that’s totally wrong).  To any one reading this that is in this type of relationship, I implore you to make strides to get out and seek help.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

What We Won’t Talk About-Abuse

Today’s topic will deal with various types of abuse-mental, physical, sexual, and emotional are a few types.  Most abuse comes at the hands of people we know (parents, extended family, siblings, family friends, spouses, etc.).  Predators come in all ages, races, genders, and types.  Back in the day, as a culture, black people didn’t talk about abuse.  If Lillie Mae was getting touched by Uncle Bo, no one discussed it-parents just kept their kids from that family member.  And it was nothing if a woman was getting hit by her husband.  They would patch her up and take her and the kids in, but when that man came to get them, they went back home.  Another issue is when children are getting mistreated, no one knows what to do or how to handle it. 

Let’s think about Mo’Nique.  While promoting the film, “Precious“, the actress shared her own story of sexual abuse at the hands of her brother.   When Mo’Nique told her mother, her response was akin to, “I didn’t know what to do; you were both my children”.  On the flip side, I know of a young lady who was approached by a family member at 6 years old.  She was able to run away before anything happened and brave enough to tell her mother. 

Another form that no one really discusses is emotional abuse.  This can come in many different ways.  I know of a woman who was emotionally abused by her father.  If she did something he didn’t like, he was quick to call her “stupid” and yell and do anything else he felt was necessary to belittle her and lower her self-esteem.  He wanted her to grow up dependent on him and not able to think on her own.  Luckily for this young lady she shared what was happening in her home and was able to leave that situation. 

The sad thing regarding abuse is that the abuser was most likely abused as a child, and the abuser preys on those who appear weaker than he or she.  With children, it’s very important that parents teach them what’s appropriate and inappropriate behavior, such as touching, speech, etc.  If a child feels uncomfortable with ANYONE, they should go tell an adult they trust immediately.  And if that adult doesn’t believe them, they need to go tell someone else until someone believes their story.  When it comes to adults, men and women need to realize their worth and know that they do not deserve to be mistreated in anyway. 

I’m glad that people like Don Lemon, Mo’Nique, Oprah and other celebrities are coming out and sharing their stories of abuse.  Their situations are very unfortunate, but hopefully their willingness to open up about their abuse will prompt others to share their stories.  And if we believe a person is in an abusive situation, we MUST do our part to encourage him or her to tell the proper authorities so the abuser can be stopped.  Until next time, I”m just a Southern girl…in the city.