It’s a Lot Going On…

I can’t write about the senseless deaths that have occurred over the week (heck, the past few YEARS); my heart can’t take it.  Plus, it would not be eloquent or maybe even make sense.  So, I’ll leave that for others.

I also won’t write about this past season of “The Real World”.  (Yes, I’m 30+ and still watch it; sue me.)  If you watched it, you know there was some epic ish that went down.  If you didn’t, just know that racism is alive and well in this country, if you didn’t already know.

I am going to drag someone through the mud.  I probably shouldn’t because I bear responsibility (well, just a little bit) for bringing this person back into my life after he reached out to come back, but I find solace in knowing that I always stayed true to myself while he was playing games. And you can thank my cousin in my head over at Black N Bougie for her post from April that made me want to just bawl my eyes out, invite my girls over for adult beverages and junk food, and watch “Lemonade“.  Who knows, I still may do that on Saturday…

This past weekend, my friends and I took out a rising college freshman for a Sister Circle brunch, to give her advice, guidance, and some anecdotes to help her along her way while she’s in college.  Two of my friends that have known me for a number of years stated how I’m always positive, even in the midst of adversity.  But you know, that gets tiresome.  And old.  I’m sick of being positive all the damn time.  I want to be bitchy sometimes, too.  I’m sure it’s good for the soul.

This week, hell yesterday, I decided to stop trying to work on a relationship that was never going anywhere.  And when it was over, I left quietly.  I didn’t make a scene.  I didn’t yell.  I didn’t throw anything.  I just discreetly got myself together and left.  He may not even realize that I’m done.  And I kinda don’t care.  Sometimes I wish I could be an itch with a b in front of it, but I’m always concerned with how people see me, even when they do me wrong.  I tell you, respectability politics is a mug…

So, yeah, after reading Michele’s post earlier today, I got mad.  Like real mad.  I need to have a breakdown.  I just realized that my friends and I don’t go into details when relationships are over. Or when things go bad. And I think that needs to change.  I need to get out everything bad, awful, and toxic out of my system from this last thing that never was. It’s at a point where I need some support.  Because I’m starting to think that something may be wrong with me. And then I need to move on.

TyAnthony had to remind me last night that I’m supposed to be working on me.  (I love that he’s my voice of reason.)  But I feel like I go through this cycle every two years; I discover something I want to do and intentionally make “plans” to eliminate dating relationships things  from my life.  Maybe I should not focus on cutting out things but instead focus on bringing positive things in.  And then maybe all the other bullsh*t won’t matter.

In any event, that’s all I have for today.  I may do a post later on this past season of TRW…I’ll have to pray about that.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

 

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Fifty-Seven

Southern Mom was born in 1957.  In 2014, I kept telling her that it was her “Golden Year” because she was TURNING 57, and she was BORN in 1957.  Little did I know that less than two months after her birthday, she’d be gone. Whenever I see the number 57, on an interstate exit in particular, I always think of her.

Doug Banks, my FAVORITE radio DJ of all-time, passed away a few weeks ago at the age of 57.

Yesterday, we lost my boo, the ultimate performer, the greatest musician, an icon. How old was he?  Fifty-seven.  Prince Rogers Nelson is the ultimate instrumentalist.  I say “is” because it’s still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he is gone.

I have loved Prince for as long as I can remember.  One of my first memories of Prince is “Purple Rain”.  As young as 8 or 9 (probably younger) every time I would go to my uncle’s house, I would ask him if I could borrow his “Purple Rain” VHS tape.  I would watch that movie multiple times a week before I took it back to his house.  It got to the point that one day he just told me he would get me my own copy.

For my 10th birthday, I got the tape of “Diamonds and Pearls”.   I was SO happy to get that doggone tape.  One day, I took it to daycare so we could dance to it.  And my BFF lost it.  I went SLAM OFF on her.  I was so upset!  I had it less than a week, and she LOST IT!  Thankfully, it was recovered, but I learned then not to let anyone mess with/hold/borrow my stuff.

One of my bucket list items was to see Prince perform live.  Despite the circumstances, I was BEYOND thrilled to see him perform in Baltimore last year.  My linesister B and I had floor seats!!!!  It was one of the greatest experiences of my life.  And while I missed his DC show, I didn’t worry too much when he announced he was going on tour again in 2016, because I just KNEW I would get to see him perform again.  Alas, that is not to happen in this lifetime.

It’s still surreal to me.  I just can’t believe that he’s gone.  I feel like there’s so much more he has to do.  There’s so much more the fans have to see and hear and do.

Prince was unapologetic about who he was.  He was about the music.  He was about living your truth.  He wasn’t the biggest man or the tallest man or the most masculine man, but he could have any woman (ANY WOMAN) he wanted.  Even guys respected Prince because he was a bad-ass.  As my friends on Facebook have said, “he was the original Mr. Steal Your Girl”.

While I am upset that I won’t get to see him this summer, I will remember how his music made me feel.  How I still dance and sing to the “Purple Rain” soundtrack (heck, really any Prince album).  How amazing it was to see him on stage last year.  And how he changed the music industry.  Prayers to his family, friends, loved ones, and fans.

Prince Rogers Nelson, you were one-of-a-kind, ahead of your time, and you will be forever in my heart.

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

So, I May Have Been a B*tch

….but I don’t really think so.  Let me give a little background.

(Oh, first, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  I hope you all had a great holiday season!  Ok, back to this post.)

I met a guy in late 2014. After going back and forth multiple times with nothing ever panning out, he reaches out to me a year after we met.  Homeboy has done a COMPLETE 180-texts every day, calls me at night (like 6 pm-after-work-night, not 11 pm-booty-call-time-night), is real anxious to take me out.  Then he disappears.  And re-appears.  And disappears.  And re-appears.  Most recently, he invited me over this weekend and cooked for me.  I REALLY wanted to say “No” (he’s inconsistent, plus, I told myself I’m not dating in 2016), but homeboy said steak.  I mean, it’s not like it was chicken; it was a freakin’ steak!  So after church, I moseyed on over and we broke bread. And watched movies.  Until I had to go.  (Previous plans and always keep them wanting more.)

Before I left, we made plans to go to the movies this week.  He was supposed to call and let me know what time he was picking me up.  We talked about chivalry and how it wasn’t dead and how he was going to do better (in the being a gentleman department).  After pushing our movie date back by a day after I texted and asked what time I need to be ready, I called him last night on my way home to find out what time he was coming to pick me up.  He said he was still in “work mode” and hadn’t really thought about it.  I said, cool, but when you figure it out, call me, ask me out, and let me know what time I need to be ready.  Now, this is where the b*tch part comes in.

I could have EASILY done some things around the house and waited for homeboy to call me.  But noooooooo…..I find look for a link that gives tips on being chivalrous and send it to him.  (Now say it with me, “Oh, Elle”.)  I thought it might be comical, and I even prefaced it by saying, “Since we were discussing this earlier this week…” so it wouldn’t seem (as) harsh.   Can you believe homeboy then sent a message saying he was too STRESSED to go out, but that he appreciated me and that he was going to work on him???  So my text may have been a little itchy with a “b” in front of it.  And it doesn’t help that Southern Cousin AND Southern Dad have said that I may be too hard on guys.  But shoot, if a little text message about chivalry stresses you out, you probably don’t need to go out with me (or anybody else) anyway.

While I was a little shocked at first, you know, I’m actually kinda glad he bailed.  I definitely dodged a bullet.  What bullet?  It doesn’t matter.  Homeboy wasn’t stable/consistent anyway and most certainly is not the type of man that I need in my life.  Hasta luego….or not.

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

 

I Should Have Said Yes

As an only child, I’m used to doing things for myself.  And I HATE asking for help.  For anything.  Well, basic stuff.  You know, stuff like bringing in my groceries, cleaning the house, and re-arranging my work space, I got it covered (I do need a maid, though).  But for heavy lifting, moving, shoveling snow, I’m real quick to figure out who I can ask to help.

Last week at work, I had to stay late for a meeting.  After I had my students straighten things up and pack my bags with the leftovers, another (male) adult asked if he could carry the bag for me.  It wasn’t heavy, so I said, “Thanks, but I got it!”  Thirty seconds later, heck probably 10 seconds later, I realized I should have said, “Yes”.  No, the bag was easy to carry, and we were just going down the one flight of steps.  But I should have let that man carry that light bag down one flight of steps.  For a number of reasons.

One, men like to feel needed.  And in that moment, though he had just met me, I needed him.  And he needed to feel needed.  Two, I should have allowed him to be a gentleman.  It was the right thing for him to over to carry my bag for me.  And although he may have been asking to be nice, not really expecting to carry the bag, I should have let him.  Because I would have been sending the message, you ask me to carry something/do something for me, I’m going to let you.  Three, I’m so quick to tell people “no” without really hearing what they are saying to me.  I should have listened to his question, processed it, then provided an appropriate answer.  In my haste to get out of dodge, I wasn’t really focusing on the nice gentleman in the suit who was offering his assistance.  In my defense, I was finishing an 11 hour work day and I was sick.

So, at the end of the day, the lesson learned is: everyone wants to feel needed, especially men.  And the other lesson: when someone offers to do something nice for you, allow them to, especially a man. 🙂  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

It’s Just Me…K.B.

So today we have a guest blogger….well writer.  She’s one of my FAVORITE people and will be sharing periodic posts with you all!  So, without further adieu, let me introduce K.B.!!!

Please think of me as Elle’s arch nemesis. No, I’m just kidding. I’m actually Elle’s “Half” and no, we are not twins. You will see where the “half/double” language comes in at a later time. Elle blessed me to be able to embark upon a new season in my life and using her blog to do so. I’ve been instructed, with love, to introduce myself. Here goes…

Much like Elle, I also hale from the South, and now living in the City of Brotherly Love (aka Kiladelphia but that’s another story). I ended up in the city by picking it on the map with the desire for 4 seasons, no family or friends there, and saying “Hey, you only live once!” (Side Bar: I have a little problem with being 33 years old and saying YOLO but maybe I will conform one day). I attended one of the greatest universities in the world, Florida A&M University, located in Tallahassee, FL as a 2nd generation Rattler, where I had the pleasure of meeting Elle well over 10 years ago. I am a clinical pharmacist, and I specialize in the area of psychiatry but I promise not to talk medications as I try to keep that to my day life only…unless you have a dying question you need more clarification on. I must give the standard “no suing” talk and say the views and thoughts I express via this channel are not the thoughts of my employer, before we go any further. It’s all love.

I essentially came from a home of educators and grew up with a passion for reading and following behind my older sister, all of whom I love so much. I’ve always been an avid reader and a member of the coolest book club in my city where we cook or eat at restaurants that are themed around the book we are reading, and wine is a must at every gathering! So I love wine, vegetarian dishes (I’m not a full time vegetarian), stopped eating pork once I moved to the city, and have a very large depiction of a slave ship and the map of the triangular trade tattooed on my back but we will get into those interesting discussions at a later date as well. I wrote my first published medical article in February 2015, which I am completely excited about.

While our stories in life may be different, I’m sure we will all have some commonalities to share. Life gives us lessons in different ways. I believe in voicing those opinions while remaining respectful. I think healthy dialogue brings about change and growth. If you stay in one space, you can cut your blessings that may be waiting for you. I hope you take this journey as I guest write for Elle, as I may challenge some of the things she says and use the platform to say what is on my mind about a host of other topics affecting the world today. I hope to bring you some discussion on the current happenings and drop a little history lesson here and there on the things I find the most interesting. A great example would be how people told you at some point you would sound like your mother or father and sure enough, you start to see their little ways creep up on you like reciting the famous “Don’t rush growing up. Enjoy it while you can”, as you speak to your young child who is 4 years old and “can’t wait to turn 5!” We gain all of these experiences and share them amongst our circles but being able to share to the masses has to be empowering and also a blessing for someone. I welcome you to take this journey with me as I may stumble along the way, but I’m sure I will jump back in the game. Until next time…it’s just K.B. Peace.

Justice for Jordan

When the jury in the first trial against Michael Dunn came back as deadlocked regarding the charge of 1st degree murder I was saddened and upset.  I believed that the Duval County Prosecutor’s Office would not retry Dunn.  He was found guilty of the other 4 charges, including the attempted murder of the other occupants of the car, and was looking at a sentence of 60 years in prison.  But the prosecutor’s office didn’t think that was good enough.  They decided to go to trial again on the sole count of 1st degree murder.

I am happy to say that the jury came back today with a decision of guilty.  I have to admit when I saw the make-up of the jury-7 white men, 3 white women, 1 black man, and 1 black woman-had me scared that Jordan would not get justice and his death would have been in vain.  In a country that has a long history with race relations, something that a lot of people sweep under the rug or choose to ignore, and in a city with which I am very familiar, I wasn’t sure how this was going to work out.  But I am extremely happy that Michael Dunn was found guilty.

This verdict is much more than a man being found guilty of murder.  This verdict shows that you can’t shoot and kill someone because you feel disrespected.  Because a child doesn’t respond to you the way you would like.  Because someone was playing music you didn’t like.  And, most importantly, this verdict shows that the lives of Black boys matter.

Jordan, you did not die in vain.  Your life matters.  And the man that took it away will spend the rest of his life in prison.

I Haven’t Blogged in Forever

I haven’t blogged on a consistent basis in a long time.  Many factors are to blame.  I lost my last surviving grandparent in April, which hit me much harder than I expected, and for the better part of the summer I was chilling.  I haven’t dated since “The Potential” got stationed to Hawaii, and that has definitely been by choice; I needed a break.  And my life has been somewhat boring….well what I consider boring.  I’ve purposely been laying low trying to get myself in order.   Most important, and what I consider to be exciting and fantastic, is that I have a new job.  And it’s in education.  And it’s in DC.  Although it’s still new, I love going to work everyday.  Seriously.  My commute is SUPER short (well, compared to where I’ve been going for the past two years), and I can finally do stuff in the city after work.  I was pumped at first because I was able to metro and walk and get a little exercise.  But then it dawned on me that when it gets cold and starts to snow, I’m going to have to walk in that…and that’s when I decided to drive.  I may metro next week since it’s the Congressional Black Caucus’ Annual Legislative Conference…we’ll see.

Oh, I’m super excited that “Scandal” is coming back in 5 days…but I’m super sad Harrison won’t be there (Darn you, Columbus Short!!!!).  I have been keeping my eye on this Ray Rice situation.  Now, while I do not condone domestic violence in anyway, Ray was honest with the NFL in February when reports first came out about him hitting his then fiancee’ Janay.  And the league decided to suspend him for the first two games of the season.  Now since there’s a tape, they changed their tune.  As a friend on Facebook pointed out, it’s double jeopardy, like getting charged twice for the same crime.  I truly hope Ray and Janay were/are getting the help they need.  I’m not going to even touch Adrian Peterson and all these other NFL players that are coming out of the woodworks for being charged with domestic violence disputes. And no one wants to talk about Judge Mark Fuller who was arrested last month on a battery charge for assaulting his wife.  Well, some people do.  Three U.S. Senators are asking him to resign because he violated the trust the people of Atlanta put in him.  (Bravo to you guys!) I mean, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right?

Back to me-now that I feel like things are falling into place for me, I’m starting to take stock in my life and work on the areas that need improvement and updates. I’m purging my house (it’s a slow process, but I’m getting there; I have WAY too much stuff), and I’m rejoining a few organizations that I left by the wayside for a few years.  While I didn’t become a complete hermit, it’ll be good to enter the land of the living again and to start embracing the Social Butterfly I naturally am. 🙂  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!