I can’t write about the senseless deaths that have occurred over the week (heck, the past few YEARS); my heart can’t take it. Plus, it would not be eloquent or maybe even make sense. So, I’ll leave that for others.
I also won’t write about this past season of “The Real World”. (Yes, I’m 30+ and still watch it; sue me.) If you watched it, you know there was some epic ish that went down. If you didn’t, just know that racism is alive and well in this country, if you didn’t already know.
I am going to drag someone through the mud. I probably shouldn’t because I bear responsibility (well, just a little bit) for bringing this person back into my life after he reached out to come back, but I find solace in knowing that I always stayed true to myself while he was playing games. And you can thank my cousin in my head over at Black N Bougie for her post from April that made me want to just bawl my eyes out, invite my girls over for adult beverages and junk food, and watch “Lemonade“. Who knows, I still may do that on Saturday…
This past weekend, my friends and I took out a rising college freshman for a Sister Circle brunch, to give her advice, guidance, and some anecdotes to help her along her way while she’s in college. Two of my friends that have known me for a number of years stated how I’m always positive, even in the midst of adversity. But you know, that gets tiresome. And old. I’m sick of being positive all the damn time. I want to be bitchy sometimes, too. I’m sure it’s good for the soul.
This week, hell yesterday, I decided to stop trying to work on a relationship that was never going anywhere. And when it was over, I left quietly. I didn’t make a scene. I didn’t yell. I didn’t throw anything. I just discreetly got myself together and left. He may not even realize that I’m done. And I kinda don’t care. Sometimes I wish I could be an itch with a b in front of it, but I’m always concerned with how people see me, even when they do me wrong. I tell you, respectability politics is a mug…
So, yeah, after reading Michele’s post earlier today, I got mad. Like real mad. I need to have a breakdown. I just realized that my friends and I don’t go into details when relationships are over. Or when things go bad. And I think that needs to change. I need to get out everything bad, awful, and toxic out of my system from this last thing that never was. It’s at a point where I need some support. Because I’m starting to think that something may be wrong with me. And then I need to move on.
TyAnthony had to remind me last night that I’m supposed to be working on me. (I love that he’s my voice of reason.) But I feel like I go through this cycle every two years; I discover something I want to do and intentionally make “plans” to eliminate
dating relationships things from my life. Maybe I should not focus on cutting out things but instead focus on bringing positive things in. And then maybe all the other bullsh*t won’t matter.
In any event, that’s all I have for today. I may do a post later on this past season of TRW…I’ll have to pray about that. Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.