That’s right, I’m rushing 2014 to end. And we haven’t even had Thanksgiving yet.
This year was a rough year for me. Starting with losing my job in March (I was looking to leave anyway). Three weeks later, I lost my grandmother (my mom’s mom). High notes? I spent 2 weeks at home and celebrated my birthday and my aunt’s wedding. Super high note? I got a job. A job I LOVE! Still love it. It’s absolutely amazing, and I am able to use all of my skill sets. Then, the bottom fell out.
My mom died.
That’s the first time I typed it. And explicitly shared it on social media. Sure, I’ve posted pictures of her and me. I’ve shared when I’ve had crappy days. But I never stated on Facebook, Twitter, or any other forum that Southern Mom is gone. It only took me 6 weeks to share it. And I feel some type of way about sharing it. Like if I didn’t say it aloud or share it with proverbial strangers that means it wasn’t real. To go from talking to someone everyday for 32 years, and then to not being able to talk to them unexpectedly, it’s just…I can’t describe it.
The great thing is that since Southern Mom retired last year, she and I were able to pretty much keep true to our word of seeing each other at least once a quarter. Last summer, we went on a family vacation with our extended family. Then she came to DC when I competed in the Exquisite International Pageant in August. I spent all of my Christmas vacation with her. I spent two weeks in April with her. She came to DC for Mother’s Day, and I went back and spent a few days with her in SC. The last time I saw her was in September when I went home for my linesister’s wedding. When she dropped me off at the airport, we actually sat and talked and spent quality, quiet time together. She said she would make my favorite cake (key lime) when I came home for Christmas. (My cousin and I made it when I was home.)
Less than a month later she was gone. Suddenly and unexpectedly.
Some days are great. I can smile when I talk about her. Not choke up. Still keep a sunny disposition and happy demeanor. Other days, I cry. I can barely get dressed, and I want to stay home. I can’t talk about her, because my eyes start to water and my throat tightens up.
I’m sure these roller coaster of days will last until God decides I’ve served my purpose on this earth and calls me home. Until then, I plan to make sure I make my mother proud and ensure she has left behind a positive legacy.
So, yeah, even though great things happened this year, the ultimately worse thing happened, too. I’m super ready to see January 1. Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.
Very heartfelt, poignant, honest. Thank you for sharing such deep feelings with us.
🙂 It wasn’t easy, but I was at a point where I was ready to share.
LaT, I’m glad that you feel comfortable enough to say the words on this day. My prayer for you is that you continue to make Southern mom proud and absorb the love of those in your life. Love you!
Thanks, Dee. 🙂
Ism, Its funny because no one really knows or understands until it happens to them. But always find the blessing in it all. To know and cherish someone so much that the thought of them makes you cry is actually a true blessing. Its a relationship that most people wish they had with a parent. A similar thing happened to my dad and my brother when he passed. He was freed from work and got to spend the last 2-3 years alone with my dad. True dad/son time. I always wonder what life would have been like if my brother would have still been in the NAVY during that time. Trust God’s timing in life always! Days won’t get better but you have to trust God for PEACE during the good days and STRENGTH during the bad days. I love you! Very nicely written!
Thanks, Ism. And that’s what I find solace in-the time that she and I were able to spend together over the last year. I know that if she had not retired or if I had not lost my job that we would not have been able to have all of that time together. We don’t always understand God’s ways, but everything happens for a reason.
I’m sending you a big hug right now because I know I don’t have the words to make it better. I am glad that you and your mom had that time. Heartfelt post. Love you.
Thank you! Love you, too. 🙂
You’ve definitely made her proud… You are honestly one of the best people I’ve ever met and I can only imagine how she must look down at you with so much pride and joy in her heart.