Know When to Cut the Strings

I am a social person.  I love people.  I love being around people (once I get to know them :)).  I value my friendships.

Over the course of my 30+ years on this earth, I have met a lot of people-classmates, church friends, bandmates, sorors, co-workers, and people I volunteer with.  I totally understand there are folks who are in your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime.  Social media has allowed us to re-connect with people from yesteryear and keep up with what they are doing now…or what they want to you to see/think they are doing now.  We text, call, video chat and the like to keep in touch with those we care about.  But what happens when you reach out-you text, you call, you initiate the video chat-but the person doesn’t reach back?

I recently had two different discussions with friends about when to end friendships with people.  Ending a friendship is an EXTREMELY hard thing to do, especially if it is someone you have known for years.  Sometimes life gets in the way.  People move, get married, have children, and have to deal with issues that come along with living for a few years.   But, what happens when you reach out, make plans, invite friends to hang out, they confirm their attendance, and then…they don’t show up?  What happens when you are the one to always pick up the phone to make the call but no one calls you?  There’s a difference between being busy and being ignored.

Since my birthday last month, I have decided to cut the strings with a number of people.  With most, though they have not been close to me recently, social media has allowed us to reconnect.  Dialogue was had, memories were shared, plans-some tentative, most confirmed-were made, and yet…they have been no shows in one way or another.   So as to only expend energy to those that expend energy to me, I’ve decided to not make any effort to attempt a relationship.

At the end of the day, we all must come to a point when we realize that some relationships have come to an end.  And that is perfectly ok.  Not all people are meant to be in our lives forever.  You’ve got to learn when to just let things go.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

 

What’s Really Important

Everyone has become obsessed with Donald Sterling and his racist remarks (which is nothing new) and the elevator fight seen ’round the world with Solange and Jay-Z.  But in the grand scheme of things, these things don’t really matter.  Sterling being a racist is nothing new, based on a housing discrimination suit brought against him.  And the perfect façade the Carters have built has crumpled slightly – boo hoo.

I have talked about missing girls before on my blog before, specifically Mitrice Richardson.  I have failed to talk about the 234 missing girls in Nigeria, who have reportedly been kidnapped by terrorist group Boko Haram; the group has threatened that the girls will be sold as wives, if they have not been already.   And I have loved seeing the world, specifically Americans, come together to help rescue these children.  Unfortunately, we do not do the same with girls in our own country.

According to The Covering House, human trafficking generates $9.5 million each year in the United States, and the average age of children forced into prostitution is 13-14 years old.  The top areas in this country for human trafficking include Las Vegas, Charlotte, Chicago, Houston, and Washington, DC.   Unfortunately, there are not enough resources for underage victims to receive help and assistance if they are able to leave these situations.

Let’s not forget Relisha Rudd, the 8 year old girl who was last seen on March 1.   She was reportedly with Kahlil Tatum, a custodian that worked at the homeless shelter where Relisha lived with her mother and three younger brothers.  Police believe Tatum killed his wife and then killed himself.   Unfortunately, authorities are not close at all to finding Relisha.  They are still looking for her and treating it as a recovery mission.

While I applaud all of us for bringing attention to these girls in Nigeria, let’s not forget that there are girls, and boys, in our own backyard who may be victims of kidnapping and/or human trafficking.  To help end human trafficking in the US, you can contact the National Human Trafficking Resource Center to find out about organizations in your city, learn the red flags of human trafficking, meet with your local or state government officials, organize a fundraiser, among other activities.

The only way to end it is if we stand up and are united.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

On The Come Up

Earlier last week, my friend…we’ll call her Miss Chi-Town and I were having a discussion about men and women and babies.  Specifically, we were talking about men that get women pregnant on purpose.   Because we live in a “man’s world”, every bad thing that happens is the fault of women.  And I have heard ad nauseum about women who get pregnant on purpose to trap a man.  But what about men that get women pregnant on purpose?

Let’s be honest.  I live in a city where people are educated and have pretty good jobs, or they are on their way to getting a pretty good job.   But, just as there are women doing well, there are men that are looking for a come up, which essentially means they would like to find a woman to take care of them.  Or least lay up in her house for a while.  And what seems to be a surefire way to make that happen is to have a baby.

After reading this article about Omarion, where he got his girlfriend pregnant on purpose, it really just brought this to life for me even more.

If  can be transparent for a minute, I recently met a guy who seemed like he’s cool.  He’s in his late 20’s, divorced, and is a dad.  But, he seems as is if he has no real ambition.  He works at a bar, where we met, 3 days a week.  When I asked him what he does when he’s not working, his response was, “Chill”.  -_- Say what now?  You all may be thinking I’m jumping the gun a little and should give this dude the benefit of the doubt but…I don’t think so.  And I’ll tell you why.  A few weekends ago, homeboy (let’s call him A.J.) asked if I had any plans.  I told him I was free until around 6 pm.  He stated he and his homeboy wanted to watch the Wizards game.  I asked where they were trying to go, thinking he wanted to meet and hang out with me.  He said, “We wanted to come to your place.”  SAY WHAT NOW?  Now, A.J. and I had yet to go out (due to my going home for a few weeks), and we’ve only talked on the phone.  Not to mention I’m not letting two strangers know where I live.  Not mention I care about my safety.  I told him, “Yeah…I don’t let just anyone come to the Batcave.”

Needless to say, A.J. and I never did have that first date…and we may not ever have it.

I totally think men use women for come-uppance ALL the time.  I think it was shown on “Being Mary Jane” with Avery and Andre, and I have read stories about this happening in real life.   So, to all of you in this crazy dating world, good luck to you!  And be wary of people looking to use you to advance themselves but not offering to bring anything to the table.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!