Based on conversations I’ve had with my dad recently, I think I already know the answer. Not because we’ve discussed this topic in particular but because we’ve discussed other things, and I believe those topics have given me the answer. I’m one smart cookie. 🙂
We live in a patriarchal society. Since the beginning of time, women have been thought of as the weaker, lesser gender. Some women (and men) have been brought up and raised to believe that men are stronger, smarter, wiser, and just all around the better gender. During the Feminist Movement until today, women have had to prove that we are just as good as, if not better than, men. We have to prove we’re tougher, smarter, wiser. But when it comes to relationships and dating, things get a little tricky. In our professional careers, we have to be strong and tenacious. In our personal lives, we have to be demure and ladylike. But, we also have to show we don’t NEED a man. That we can take care of ourselves. What happens when we want companionship and someone to come home to and someone to encourage us? It’s not always easy out in these streets for a single girl. There may come a time where we have to weigh our options…see what’s out there. So we may date two or three lads at once. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.
“Anything you can do, I can do better! I can do anything better than you!”
I don’t remember what commercial that was from, but I do remember there was a guy and a girl having various competitions over…stuff. Men have been known to date and pursue multiple women at the same time. And women were taught to just sit back and wait until the man decided if he wanted you or not. Well, as I have gotten older, I have decided that there is nothing wrong with a woman keeping her options open. Meaning, if she wants to date multiple men at the same time, she should have at it! Now, she should NOT have sex with all these people. That’s way too much going on. But, if she’s single, she should enjoy her single life-until one of her suitors decides he wants to be with her exclusively and have a relationship. And that’s if she wants to be with him exclusively. Now, IMHO, I don’t think she should volunteer this information to all of the men that she’s dating. But if he asks her if she’s seeing anyone else, she should be honest. A few years back, a guy that I had just started seeing, like on the first date, asked me if I was seeing anyone else. I told him “yes”. Then he proceeded to ask questions and wanted to know about ol’ boy. I had to shut that down. You’re getting to know ME-not the other dude I’m dating.
It also seems as if this phenomenon is a little…shall we say not accepted, when it comes to Black men. I don’t like to generalize, but I’m sure if I took a poll-and they were honest-Black men would say they would not appreciate it or like it if the woman they were dating was seeing someone else, even if he were dating other women.
But putting race aside, why is women dating multiple men not looked upon favorably? Scroll back to the top of this post… Yep, that’s right. We live in a patriarchal society. Meaning everything is headed by, led by, and is about MEN! What benefits the man-what makes the man feel comfortable-what is “better” for the man. Well, in 2014 and this world of equality, I say if men can date multiple women until he finds The One, then women can, too. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!
Very well said Dear Girl
Thank you! 🙂
I wish society would stop stigmatizing women for “playing the field”
JB, you should have seen the dissertation that my cousin shared on Facebook. But I guess the good thing is that doesn’t think women OR men should date multiple people at the same time. That I can get with. But this part of society that thinks women should sit back and wait while they knit and bake cookies is for the birds!