Don’t Date (Or Be) This Guy

Awhile back, I ventured back into the abyss that is online dating, at the prodding of a co-worker. (Note to self: Never listen to him again!) Amidst the messages from men that I was not interested in, I received a message from an attractive gentleman who could communicate using the King’s English, was attractive, was a nice age (35), and seemed to have his stuff together.  During our messaging, I discovered we were from the same area in SC and he had just moved to Maryland from Atlanta for work.  He eventually asked me for my number, we chatted by phone, and made plans to meet at a local coffee shop.  When we met, we didn’t go get in line to get a latte, as I had imagined. No, he directed me towards a table, where we sat and chit-chatted.  (Strike 1-I found it quite odd we didn’t even get in line.  Homeboy made a beeline for an empty table.  I get it, though; some guys don’t want to invest a lot for the first meeting/date…but he definitely got a slight side eye since he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) even purchase a beverage.)

He texted me the next day and asked when he could see me again.  My response was when would you like to see me again.  His response?  “I want to feel your lips on me.  What do you think about that?”  I swear I can’t make this stuff up.  (Strike 2- Sir, seriously???  You couldn’t even buy your girl a cup of coffee, and you’re already talking about getting cozy.  Chile, boo!)  I stated “I think you’re jumping the gun and you didn’t answer my question.”  He apologized and stated that he was a straightforward guy.   After getting over that hurdle, we chatted some more, and finally made plans to go out for a drink when our schedules synced up.

I picked the place, as he is not that familiar with the area.  As we greet each other at the entrance, he tells me that he may have to step out for a few minutes because he is supposed to get a call from work.  When we walk in, he has the hostess sit us at a table instead of at the bar.  Not only that, when we are seated, I pick up the drink menu-he starts looking at the food menu. (Strike 3- All week he kept talking about going out for a drink.  So, sir, why are you looking at food???)  He orders an appetizer AND an entree.  I order a salad. We have decent dialogue, we laugh a little, but I can tell something is slightly off.  But because I have been told NUMEROUS times by those who know that I question everything and have to take the lead, I decide to relax, sit back, and let things happen. In essence, I give up control, which for a control freak like me who likes to know everything that’s going on is hard to do.

Once we have finished dinner, he asks me if I’m going to order a drink.  I’m thinking that’s a good sign and he wants to hang out and talk some more;  he’s totally interested.  As I decide what I want, he picks up his phone and informs me that work is calling, and he has to step out.  He tells me to order, and he’ll order his drink when he gets back.  I order and check my phone for missed calls and e-mails.  A few minutes after he walks out, he sends me a text that reads, “Thanks for dinner.  Work called like I said so I have to leave but the next meet is on me.”  O_O Say what now???  Really?  REALLY?!?!?  I quickly call my waiter back, cancel my drink, and ask for the check.

I know you’re probably wondering what I did when I left. I did what any red-blooded American woman would do.  I went to the nearest cupcake shop, picked up dessert, and drove my tail home.  I did not text him.  I did not call him.  I wanted to scream, cuss him out, send him a nasty message, and call him everything but a child of God.  For a number of reasons.  But, the most important thing that ran through my head-what type of b*tch-a$$ man sends a text message and doesn’t come back inside?  And I feel some type of way about saying that…but it’s how I felt at the moment.  After much speculation, I (along with some other cohorts) decided that it was his plan all along to be dirty and conniving, most likely because he’s a man who’s been scorned by women in the past.  And I just happened to be the unfortunate soul who received his little move of vengeance.  I won’t put his government here, but I will share that his initials are RD and he works for a railroad company…

Now, some of you may be giving me a major side eye for putting ol’ dude on blast.  Well, I’ll tell you why I am.  First, I’m a blogger-more importantly, a storyteller. And this is a story that needed to be told and shared with the masses. Secondly, I don’t want another woman to fall for the same trick I did.  So if this helps at least one woman out, my mission has been accomplished.  Last, I’m sharing this because of a quote I read that was posted by A Belle in Brooklyn.  It states, “You own everything that happened to you.  Tell your stories.  If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”

The great thing about this situation is that even though it happened last week, I’m definitely not bitter or upset or angry.  I find it somewhat comical.  Yes, I was thoroughly pissed when it happened, but hey, what’s done is done.  Oh, I know you’re probably wondering if RD called or texted me since then.  No, he has not.  (As the old people say, “He ain’t all the way crazy”.)  I don’t expect to hear from him again, which is probably in his best interest.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

P.S. – Now do you see why I am on my dating hiatus again?

P.S. Redux – If you don’t see what was wrong in these series of events… I have no words for you…

P.S. x 3 – The “strikes” indicate moments where he got a side-eye in my head or when I should have stopped or questioned what was going on.  But in my effort to be more relaxed, I stayed mute.

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Don’t Stop Living

So, I am at this place again where I’m not interested in dating.  This place is not new to me; heck it’s not new to you all.  If I can be frank, I had a HORRIBLE date last week.  (Don’t worry, you’ll hear all about it before the week is out because this guy needs to be outed.) As I sit here and ponder the current state of my life (instead of being productive), my mind goes back to my time living in Florida.  I was younger, more carefree (well, not really), and definitely a girl about town.  I was social, active, and rarely spent time at home.  I was super active with church, my sorority, and other organizations of which I was a part.   There were guys I was interested in and vice versa, even though some of them weren’t the best catches, at least for me, and a little shady, but I thank God for allowing them to cross my path.  Because if I had never met them, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today.  But having a boyfriend/being in a relationship wasn’t really that important.

I think the reason why I enjoyed my time in Florida was because I was just living life.  I had an amazing group of friends, people who cared about me, and a beach that was 20 minutes away…but I digress.  Recently, I think that I have gotten so caught up with wanting a companion that I’ve forgotten to live life. (It could also be contributed to the fact that most of the women around me have or are getting rings on that special finger and are adding the title of “Mommy” to their resume.)  Yeah, I am active with my sorority, the other organizations of which I belong, hang out my friends, and do other stuff, but I’m not living.  I’m just doing and being-and sometimes that’s not enough.  And the fact I’m officially in my 30’s now and not in my mid-20’s could be contributed to the way that I feel.

But when I was in the Sunshine State, I was super involved with church-attended service each Sunday, volunteered with the Youth and Young Adult Ministries, and performed with the Step Team.  I can’t tell you the last time I went to church in DC.  And that bothers me.  If I can be honest, I think that’s my problem.  Actually, I KNOW that’s my problem.  Somehow, I’ve lost my connection with God.  And in the midst of finding a church home in my “new” city, I’ve given up.  Sure I still pray and bless my food at each meal, but I don’t worship with others.  I don’t even watch Joel Osteen on Sunday mornings if I don’t make it to the house of the Lord anymore.

In short, I think I’ve solved my own dilemma.  I know what needs to be done.  I need to pray about this season in my life.  And ask that God give me the clarity needed to make it through this temporary space.  And to enjoy life.  And to LIVE life, not just go through the motions.  The question is will I do what needs to be done?  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Two Weeks Until the Rest of My Life

Cast

“This isn’t a Gospel play.”  Those words were spoken by Harold Fisher, radio news host and author, when speaking of his novel turned stage play “Two Weeks Until the Rest of My Life”.  “You can probably bring a 16 year old, but definitely not a child younger than that.  This is an adult themed play that deals with adult themed situations.”

This weekend, “Two Weeks Until the Rest of My Life” makes its stage debut in Washington, DC at THEARC Theater.  On Saturday and Sunday, fans of the book will be able to see the love story they only read about play out on the stage.  When asked, Harold stated he never dreamed of turning his first novel into a play.  “I went to Buffalo (New York) to sit in with a book club that had just read the book.  After the meeting, I was contacted by an old colleague (Paulette Harris) that suggested it should be a stage play.  I had never thought of doing that.”  A few months later, Harold was notified a script had been written.  After all of the legalities were worked out, the play was set to debut in Buffalo, NY at the Paul Robeson Theater during Mother’s Day weekend of this year!  The success of the show encouraged producers to bring the play to our nation’s capital.

If you have not read the book, it is primarily set in steamy New Orleans and follows the relationship of older woman Denise and younger man Tyriq.  The story challenges everything we think that love and relationships should be.  Simply put, it addresses the choices that have to sometimes be made between career and real love.  While most of the story is the same as the book, some things had to be cut and the ending is different.  I have to admit, when I read the novel, I thought it was too young to read it! 🙂 There were definitely some intimate moments between the main characters.  Even though, when I first read the book, I was a few years younger than Denise, I could relate to her with a few different aspects.  Honestly, I think every woman can.

When asked what he wants play goers to receive from his story, he stated “Women should explore whatever options they can to find a mate.  I’m not saying they should be careless, but you just don’t know what may be out there.  Sometimes, there may be something that is unexpected.  You will find love in an unusual place.  You’re looking in the places you’ve always looked, and it’s never there.  When you live life, you will walk right into it.  You’ll find love or companionship in an unexpected place.  You just have to be ready in your heart and your head or you’ll miss it.  Love is where you find it, but not always where you’re looking for it.”  Harold stated the entire story is made up, so nothing was based on his life.  He dreamed the entire story, including characters, places, and events.  He “filled in the blanks, enchanced the story, and added texture and color.”

For those of you that have not read the book, copies will be on sale after each performance on Saturday and Sunday.  Guests will be able to meet the cast (and Harold) as well.  Harold even stated the casting that was done was great, and the original cast from Buffalo will be performing the play this weekend!

“Two Weeks Until the Rest of My Life” performances will be Saturday, July 20 at 2 pm and 7 pm (this show is sold out!) and Sunday, July 21 at 1 pm at THEARC Theater, located at 1901 Mississippi Ave SE in Washington, DC.   Tickets can be purchased online here and at THEARC’s box office.

I am so glad my friend let me switch the tables on him and conduct the interview for a change. 🙂  I hope those of you in the DC area will be able to make it out this weekend!  And make sure to look for Elle in the crowd!   Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

Urbane DC Hosts Trunks Up for DST’s 100 Years of Excellence

As most of you know, if you’re an avid reader, I am a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., and we will be celebrating our centennial during our 51st National Convention this weekend into mid-week next week!  Really, we’ve been celebrating since January, but this week is going to be EPIC!  So, to make sure you don’t miss out on any events, I’ve decided to share with you a few of the amazing parties going on.  And of course yours truly will be in attendance! 🙂

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Urbāne DC Puts ‘Trunks Up’ for DST’s 100 Years of Excellence
Urbane Lifestyle & Entertainment Group is hosting Trunks Up, a Saturday Day Party.  The celebration will take palce at Eden Rooftop and Lounge (1716 I Street NW) on Saturday, July 13 from 4-8 pm.

Keeping the centennial theme, Trunks Up has 50 influential men from around the country and 50 ladies of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority (from over 40 chapters) as host committee members for the event.  Music will be provided by Roc Nation/Popular Girts & Biscuits’ DJ Square Biz and South-N-The-City’s/BET Award-winning DJ Commish.

Friends and guests are asked to RSVP for the event at trunksup100.com for complimentary admission until 5 pm.  To ensure entry a great experience, guests can purchase advance tickets and bottle service as well.

Eden Rooftop & Lounge is located at 1716 I Street NW, Washington, DC.  Valet parking will be available.

About Urbane DC:

The Urbane Group, LLC (doing business as Urbane Lifestyle & Entertainment Group) is a lifestyle marketing and entertainment company. The Urbane Group was founded in 2008 and now operates in four major US cities: Washington, D.C.; Chicago, IL; St. Louis, MO; and Houston, TX. For more information, visit us on the [web] or [Facebook].

About Eden:

Located in the heart of DC, Eden encompasses the District’s culture of refinement, beauty, intimate service, and green spirit.  The elegant outdoor rooftop provides a nightlife entertainment experience unparelled to anything seen before in the city.  For more infomration, visit Eden on the [web] or [Facebook].

 

There’s A Lot Going On…

If you follow me on Twitter or you’re a fan of my Facebook page, you saw that I was a panelist on HuffPost Live last night discussing “The Single Person’s Gift Registry”.  (They contacted me because of this post, FYI) I had the great pleasure of discussing single gals, gift registries, weddings, and other happenings with Nancy Redd, our awesome host, and Christeena and Wendy.  If you were not able to tune in, I implore you to go watch our show here.  You’ll laugh, you’ll nod your head, you’ll agree, you’ll share with your friends, AND, most importantly, you’ll see my real name. 😉 I know that the show is 90% geared towards people that will never get married, but I do not claim that I am in that boat.  I want to get married one day and have children (you guys know that!), but in this space and in this moment, I just happen to be single.  It won’t be that way forever…(from my lips-well computer-to God’s ears)

Also, as was mentioned in the clip and my eluding it to it before, I am the current Ms. District of Columbia Exquisite 2013, and next month, I compete for the title of Ms. Exquisite International 2013.  I’m excited, but slightly nervous as I have not participated in a pageant since my senior year of high school.  So, I know you’re probably wondering why I’m giving you guys all of the nitty-gritty details.  Well, I need your help.  No, you may not know me personally, but I’ve shared some pretty deep things with you, like my dating history, my thoughts on myself, and my relationships with other important people in my life.  Where you come in is that I have a fundraising goal that I am trying to meet.  You can check out my webpage here and my fundraising page here.  And connect with me on Facebook and Twitter! If you have a business you would like to promote, you like my writing, you think my posts are funny, you can relate to my platform, I urge you donate to my campaign.  I would be FOREVER grateful!!!  (Trust me!)

So, that’s what’s new in my world.  There are some other things going on with the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. Centennial this that I think you all should attend! 🙂  If you are in DC and looking for some things to do, I implore you to check out my “What’s Happening” page.  And of course, if you have ANY questions regarding the pageant and making a donation or really anything in general, feel free to contact me.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

Racism Still Exists

I don’t expect today’s post to be long, but I saw something last night that didn’t sit well with me.  Anyone that knows me know I LOVE “Big Brother”!  My favorite summer guilty pleasure premiered about two weeks ago, and what I missed during its regular airing, I caught up on On Demand.  During last night’s episode, I saw something that didn’t sit well with me.

The current Head of Household (for those of you that don’t watch, this person won this week’s competition and nominates two houseguests for eviction, along with getting their own private room with personalized items), Aaryn, is a 22 year old college student from Texas.  I’m not sure who mentioned it first, but numerous houseguests commented on Aaryn’s derogatory comments and behavior.  Next, clips were shown where Aaryn made disbaraging comments regarding Asians and Asian-Americans.  (Let it be noted that one of the houseguests, Helen, is Asian-American.)  And clips were shown were she and another houseguest, GinaMarie referred to another houseguest, Candice-an African-American woman-as a “darkie”.  Various houseguests, including Howard (an African-American man) and Amanda (a Caucasian woman) stated that they noticed and overheard Aaryn making comments they deemed as racist. I’m not sure why Amanda did not approach her, but Howard stated he didn’t say anything because: 1) the comments were not directed towards him and 2) he felt himself getting upset and wasn’t sure he could contain his anger.

I applaud CBS for showing these clips of Aaryn making her comments.  As one houseguest was overheard saying-“Doesn’t she realize she’s on national television???”  Maybe she didn’t care.  But her comments show that racism is alive and well in this country.  And she obviously learned this from somewhere, since she’s only 22 years old.

So the next time someone tells you racism is a thing of the past in America, kindly correct them.  Because Aaryn proved last night that it is not.  Until next time I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Successful. Sexy. Searching.

Last night, BET premiered its much anticipated movie/series “Being Mary Jane”, which stars Gabrielle Union.  If I may be transparent with you guys, I was kinda excited about this movie, especially after seeing more of the previews during the BET Awards on Sunday.  And I am very happy to say that BET did not disappoint.  For those of you that are not familiar, “Being Mary Jane” tells the story of one single, successful, and beautiful woman, Mary Jane Paul.  She’s a television news anchor who is winning in her professional life, but has to deal with troubled family members and a troubled love life.  And even though the movie started out saying this story was only about one woman, it actually wasn’t; it WAS a story about all of us.  As I sat on my couch engrosssed in what was happening, I would check Facebook during commercials to gauge others reactions, and I saw that my friends were saying the same thing I was thinking-it was like looking in a mirror.

Some of us, and by that I mean Black women, are educated and successful and attractive and just have a lot going for us in general.  But we may come from a family that is ok with the status quo.  Or we may come from a family that is alwasy asking us for money.  Or we may be single and looking for love.

I can honestly say watching the first hour of this movie (minus sleeping with the married man), I thought someone had had a hidden camera in my life over the last few years and decided to make a movie about it.  When Mary Jane was talking to her niece and Niecy stated that, “You have it all together” little does she know Mary Jane cries.  There are times when I want to scream and throw tantrums and break things when I’m alone, but I can’t show that side to the public.  Why?  Because there’s so much pressure to be perfect and happy and appear that you have everything the way you want it to be.  I could also related when Mary Jane was satisfying her shoe fanaticism and her confidant/the Shoe Salegirl had the nerve to piggyback on Mary Jane and talk about her family.  MJ quickly shut that down; it’s ok for me to talk about my family, but you are off limits.  I actually went through that not even an hour before the show came on.  And most importantly, when Mary Jane walked to her male BFF’s house, I thought, “That is so me and TyAnthony!  It would be AWESOME if he lived next door to me!!!”  But then I saw her BFF had a BF and quickly deduced that he would be my other male BFF, who I don’t mention a lot here, but he’s been in my heart since we met our freshman year at FAMU.  Lastly, I was SO proud of Mary Jane when she left ol’ boy sitting in the restaurant.  I know what it’s like to be so enraptured with a man that you can’t get him out of your system, so I appreciated her calling it what it was, because as women, we don’t do that too often.  But darn him for coming to her house!!!

I was so enamored with this movie until the last 60 seconds.  I was TOTALLY thrown and disgusted when she saved his sperm, because it was totally coming from left field.  And I was equally thrown when they started rolling the credits.  I was thinking, “I know this movie is not ending like this…SERIOUSLY!?!?!”  But I am happy to say that “Being Mary Jane” will be a series on BET!  AND it looks like it’s actually going to be pretty darn good.  Some may say, “She’s not perfect. She’s flawed and has all of these issues.”  But who is?  Aren’t we all flawed?  For once, I see someone that I can relate to.  But where are her girlfriends??? Well, I guess there is Kara, but she needs more.

All in all, kudos to the cast for an AMAZING job.  And to the writers.  I can honestly say I saw a bit of myself and my friends in Mary Jane.  And I think they got it wrong.  It’s not just the story of one single Black woman; it belongs to all of us.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

P. S. Don’t worry if you missed it.  An encore presentation will air tonight at 9 pm!