Guy Week – How Much Do You Invest?

I started talking to an old beau again.  Which one? It doesn’t matter.  One, I don’t think it’s going anywhere since we haven’t talked in over a week.  Two, even if it did have the potential to work, I’m not sure I’m willing to invest the time and energy it would take to make this particular relationship work.  I know I’m not a perfect person, but there are a few things about him that I find undesirable.  They do not outnumber the good, but their weight is greater.  The good thing is that he admitted he had an issue.  The next thing is that he has to work on that issue.  So far, there hasn’t been any change.  And I know that because of what I see.  If I work on that issue more than him, to me, that means he really doesn’t want anything to be “fixed”.  Or I want it to be fixed more than he does.  In either case, the ending won’t be pretty.   Because it will end.

In all tense and purposes, he’s a good guy.  We enjoy each other’s company and have great dialogue.  But since there are no deep-rooted feelings (yet) I think it’s in my best interest to walk away now-before I have too much invested and it’s harder for me to let go.

When you meet someone that you are attracted to and feel there may be potential, what’s your breaking point?  What makes you go in the opposite direction?  Or do you aim to work at everything, no matter what you see?  For the most part, I’m pretty easy going and can be somewhat of a pushover.  And I have put up with A LOT from the opposite sex.  Mainly because I like to keep things copacetic and even keel, even if I’m setting myself up for failure or I’m not completely happy and/or satisfied.  But as I have matured and gotten older, I realize I’m doing a disservice to myself by being so accommodating.

So, the moral of this post is, when you meet someone, how much are you willing to put up with/ignore/work on in order to make the relationship work?  If you have to fix a few kinks here and there in order to have the perfect relationship for you, I’m totally willing to work on that.  But if there are major issues that need to be worked on/resolved/addressed, wouldn’t it be easier to just walk away, especially in the beginning before you get all wrapped up in the other person?  Maybe I’m a little too impatient or uncaring or a little of both.  At the age I am now, I believe there are some things that a man should already know when it comes to dating someone.  But there has to be something to make me want to put in the effort it’s going to take to make this thing sustainable. And it definitely can’t be a one-way street.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

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4 Comments

  1. I think one should know the answers to the questions you posed prior to dating someone consistently. You may not know upfront what someone’s issues are, but more than likely you have encountered those issues previously. If you are on the fence about what you want and what is negotiable, you should probably fall back on dating until you get some clarity. I feel like doing anything else results is frustration, heartbreak, or a host of other undesirable things.

    • I agree with what you’ve said. However, in this particular situation, I was presented with something I haven’t encountered before. And if I can be transparent, most of the men I’ve dated in the past, I really didn’t see them as long term, so I didn’t let certain things affect/bother me. I think because I really liked this guy and saw that it had the potential to go somewhere, I asked the right questions and knew what to look for.

  2. I believe that when you meet the person you’re going to marry, you know it. I don’t think you can twist and turn that person’s personality so that you can work. I agree that if it takes that much thought or convincing, then it’s not meant to be. True love is the things that drive you crazy about that person are also the things you love about that person. It’s a phenomenon, I know but trust me. Being together takes work but you have to decide what you can live with and it doesn’t take a whole lot of twisting and turning to find out. My opinion.

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