The Usher Complex

The Usher Complex is a term I created approximately 7-8 years ago.  (I should probably get it copyrighted.)  It simply describes a younger man (primarily) dating an older woman.  And yes, the term is named after the singer, whom I used to have THE biggest crush on for most of my high school career.  I came up with the term to describe a college friend of mine who I liked at the time (I’m starting to see a pattern).  I felt that he would not be interested in me because he had “The Usher Complex”; all of the women that he dated were older than us.  I actually think he’s dating an older woman now.

Anywho, this weekend, I was able to hang out with my auntie “Madeline”.  We haven’t seen each other in FOREVER, yet we meshed together like we had just seen each other last week.  We went to see “The Call” (I may do a review), then we went to a housewarming.  A former co-worker of Madeline’s, we’ll call him Ed, just bought a house and invited Madeline.  She invited me as her +1.  Now, I have to say that I met Ed about a year and a half ago.  Madeline was trying to play matchmaker (*deep sigh*, I know) and the three of us, along with 2 other co-workers, went out to happy hour.  Ed and I talked and laughed.  He didn’t show signs that he was interested in me, and we didn’t keep in touch, so he slipped my mind, although Madeline would mention him in passing every now and then.  As we were on our way, Madeline mentioned that Ed’s registration was 4 pages long.  My reponse was, “He totally has a girlfriend.”  Turns out, I was right.  Ed’s girlfriend, we’ll call her Pam, was so pleasant and nice and took it upon herself to complete his 4 page registry.  As Madeline and I were re-capping the party over dinner, we talked about Ed and Pam.  She mentioned that Ed looked a whole lot more polished than the last time she saw him.  She deduced it was because of his girlfriend.  I jokingly said, “Great, so I need to look for a fixer upper?!”  As we laughed, Madeline also made note of Pam being older than Ed.  Ed is about 33; Madeline guessed Pam was at least 40.  I thought she was off, but I’m sure she knows more than me.  So that brought about the discussion of why men date older women.  I had a theory or two, but I could not pinpoint a real reason.  I can deduce why an older man would date a much younger woman and vice versa.  But when it comes to older women/younger men, I draw a blank.  Madeline then proceeded to ask if I would ever date a younger man.  I said the youngest I could go is 25.

Do you have an idea of why younger men date older women…well besides the fact they’re looking for a sugar mama.  Madeline and I couldn’t figure it out, so I decided to come to you guys.  Since I’m not a guy, and I’ve never dated anyone significantly younger than me, I can’t come up with an answer.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!


  1. Sex, money, and the potential for less drama are the three main reasons that come to mind. Based on my personal experience, older women generally know what they want and what they don’t want right off. They generally tend to speak their mind and don’t play games. They also are “more fun” and obviously experienced in the bedroom. The ones I’ve dealt with also don’t really care much for what you do or how you spend your time, as long as you are available from time to time when they want their “needs met.” The older women I’ve dealt with just want to have a good time with someone, nothing more, nothing less. Older women also tend to have more cash flow that younger chicks many not have, so if a brother is need of some doe, older women tend to not care about supplying it. That’s just my take from my very own personal experience.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s