The Other Woman

Boy meets girl.  Boy likes girl.  Girl likes boy back.  There’s just one problem.  Boy is married…to someone else.  For some people, that doesn’t seem to be a deterrent.  For the rest, that’s a sure sign that some mess could happen, and they walk away.

Yesterday, on the “Doug Banks Show”, their People Poll question was something akin to, “Why do people put all the blame on the ‘other woman’ for being a homewrecker?”  This was directly related to comments that Gabrielle Union made about her relationship with Dwayne Wade, who had a very public divorce and custody battle.  Gabrielle also mentioned (earlier this year) that the reputation she had of being a homewrecker ruined her career.  Her argument is that she makes Dwayne happy and that should be what matters.

Maybe it’s the traditional, Southern, Christian girl in me, but if a man is married and is hitting on me, I run in the other direction.  If a man is unhappy in his marriage, he needs to leave it.  While the other woman is to blame, the man is, too.  And men will continue to cheat on their wives if they find a woman who will agree to be the “side chick”.  For some, being the mistress has worked out (see Alicia Keys and Angelina Jolie).  But I honestly think that nothing good can come out of being with another woman’s husband.  Even if you’re unhappy or separated, that’s not good enough.  Let me see a divorce decree then we can talk.

There are a few things that make me uneasy about being with a married man.  One, he could be messy and not cover his tracks.  That can only bring trouble to my home.  God forbid his wife find out where I live and come knocking on my door.  Two, karma is a mean, ugly itch with a “b” in front, and I don’t want some chick sleeping with my husband (when I get one) because that’s what I did.  Third, what’s going to happen when I want to take our relationship further and for him to get a divorce?  For him that’s not an option, so I’m stuck watching from the sidelines and not having the opportunity to build a meaningful relationship of my own.

I’ve had some friends mention that you can’t break what’s already broken.  If that’s true, why is the man still in his marriage?  It may be easier said than done, but get a divorce.  Who wants to be in a miserable marriage?  I can be unhappy by myself.  And if you have children, they pick up on the tension between mom and dad.

So, the jist of today’s post is simple.  If you are with someone who is married, if they truly, honestly are unhappy and they truly, honestly want to be with you, let them handle their affairs and get a divorce.  Once the dust has settled and the divorce is final, he or she can pick up the phone.  If you’re meant to be together, things will work out in your favor.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city


  1. I don’t know if you saw my tweet this morning but it was talking about this very thing. A woman called into the radio this morning and said, “What you won’t do is post on Facebook about how God sent you MY married husband.” Even the radio folks were like wow. I couldn’t even imagine being married and going on Facebook to see some other woman posting about MY husband. That’s just sick.

    Also, I posted a blog last week about one of my childhood friend’s who’s having a baby shower in a few weeks. The father of the soon-to-be child is still married. I’ve told her in the past that I don’t condone such behavior and it’s why I’ve chosen to end our friendship.

    You’d think people would want to be in a stable, monogamous relationship but I guess that would just be too easy.

    • Girl, people are messy and don’t care. And I would like to think that as we get older, we start thinking differently and behave in a more mature manner. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen for everyone. And I feel you on the baby shower. It’s unfortunate that a friendship had to end. Personally, if I were her, I’m not sure I would want to broadcast that for everyone to know. Yes, a baby is a blessing, but the fact that the father is married to someone else is crazy.

  2. I totally agree with this post. And I heard the woman on Russ Parr this morning and felt bad for her, but I felt even worse for the woman that thought her worth was not great enough to be a wife or main thing but a side boo. Yes, men that get away with it usually will never make you more than just a piece on the side. So sad how our self worth is not important anymore.

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