The Other Woman

Boy meets girl.  Boy likes girl.  Girl likes boy back.  There’s just one problem.  Boy is married…to someone else.  For some people, that doesn’t seem to be a deterrent.  For the rest, that’s a sure sign that some mess could happen, and they walk away.

Yesterday, on the “Doug Banks Show”, their People Poll question was something akin to, “Why do people put all the blame on the ‘other woman’ for being a homewrecker?”  This was directly related to comments that Gabrielle Union made about her relationship with Dwayne Wade, who had a very public divorce and custody battle.  Gabrielle also mentioned (earlier this year) that the reputation she had of being a homewrecker ruined her career.  Her argument is that she makes Dwayne happy and that should be what matters.

Maybe it’s the traditional, Southern, Christian girl in me, but if a man is married and is hitting on me, I run in the other direction.  If a man is unhappy in his marriage, he needs to leave it.  While the other woman is to blame, the man is, too.  And men will continue to cheat on their wives if they find a woman who will agree to be the “side chick”.  For some, being the mistress has worked out (see Alicia Keys and Angelina Jolie).  But I honestly think that nothing good can come out of being with another woman’s husband.  Even if you’re unhappy or separated, that’s not good enough.  Let me see a divorce decree then we can talk.

There are a few things that make me uneasy about being with a married man.  One, he could be messy and not cover his tracks.  That can only bring trouble to my home.  God forbid his wife find out where I live and come knocking on my door.  Two, karma is a mean, ugly itch with a “b” in front, and I don’t want some chick sleeping with my husband (when I get one) because that’s what I did.  Third, what’s going to happen when I want to take our relationship further and for him to get a divorce?  For him that’s not an option, so I’m stuck watching from the sidelines and not having the opportunity to build a meaningful relationship of my own.

I’ve had some friends mention that you can’t break what’s already broken.  If that’s true, why is the man still in his marriage?  It may be easier said than done, but get a divorce.  Who wants to be in a miserable marriage?  I can be unhappy by myself.  And if you have children, they pick up on the tension between mom and dad.

So, the jist of today’s post is simple.  If you are with someone who is married, if they truly, honestly are unhappy and they truly, honestly want to be with you, let them handle their affairs and get a divorce.  Once the dust has settled and the divorce is final, he or she can pick up the phone.  If you’re meant to be together, things will work out in your favor.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city