The Other Woman

Boy meets girl.  Boy likes girl.  Girl likes boy back.  There’s just one problem.  Boy is married…to someone else.  For some people, that doesn’t seem to be a deterrent.  For the rest, that’s a sure sign that some mess could happen, and they walk away.

Yesterday, on the “Doug Banks Show”, their People Poll question was something akin to, “Why do people put all the blame on the ‘other woman’ for being a homewrecker?”  This was directly related to comments that Gabrielle Union made about her relationship with Dwayne Wade, who had a very public divorce and custody battle.  Gabrielle also mentioned (earlier this year) that the reputation she had of being a homewrecker ruined her career.  Her argument is that she makes Dwayne happy and that should be what matters.

Maybe it’s the traditional, Southern, Christian girl in me, but if a man is married and is hitting on me, I run in the other direction.  If a man is unhappy in his marriage, he needs to leave it.  While the other woman is to blame, the man is, too.  And men will continue to cheat on their wives if they find a woman who will agree to be the “side chick”.  For some, being the mistress has worked out (see Alicia Keys and Angelina Jolie).  But I honestly think that nothing good can come out of being with another woman’s husband.  Even if you’re unhappy or separated, that’s not good enough.  Let me see a divorce decree then we can talk.

There are a few things that make me uneasy about being with a married man.  One, he could be messy and not cover his tracks.  That can only bring trouble to my home.  God forbid his wife find out where I live and come knocking on my door.  Two, karma is a mean, ugly itch with a “b” in front, and I don’t want some chick sleeping with my husband (when I get one) because that’s what I did.  Third, what’s going to happen when I want to take our relationship further and for him to get a divorce?  For him that’s not an option, so I’m stuck watching from the sidelines and not having the opportunity to build a meaningful relationship of my own.

I’ve had some friends mention that you can’t break what’s already broken.  If that’s true, why is the man still in his marriage?  It may be easier said than done, but get a divorce.  Who wants to be in a miserable marriage?  I can be unhappy by myself.  And if you have children, they pick up on the tension between mom and dad.

So, the jist of today’s post is simple.  If you are with someone who is married, if they truly, honestly are unhappy and they truly, honestly want to be with you, let them handle their affairs and get a divorce.  Once the dust has settled and the divorce is final, he or she can pick up the phone.  If you’re meant to be together, things will work out in your favor.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city

My Adventures During ALC 2012

Every September, the Congressional Black Congress hosts their Annual Legislative Conference.  For the people that are geeked about all of the receptions with free food and open bar, they refer to it as “CBC”.  The number one question you may hear from your homeboy/girl for the preceding week is, “What are you going to do for CBC?”  These 6-7 days are full of Black people converging around the city hosting various seminars and workshops about how to improve the status of African-Americans.  But once the work is done, they party…in large numbers.

If you know me personally, you know I hate crowds.  (Which is why I was too through when I went to the H Street Festival two weekends ago.) That, along with the fact I’ve either had a part time job or no idea where to go, I’ve never attended any CBC week events.  But I did receive an invitation to attend a reception hosted by Uptown Magazine on Thursday night.  I was happy when I walked up and saw a fellow FAMUan.  So we talked, drank, ate, chatted, and were merry.  I was even more ecstatic when I saw more people that I knew, including from work and school.  Turned out coming to kick wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

Once that reception died down, I travelled with my fellow FAMUans to a party hosted on New York Ave, also complete with free food, open bar, and more FAMUans.  Needless to say, I had a blast, but was sad because I knew I had to get up and go to work the next day.

Friday, after trying to recover my late night out, saw me going out to Ozio to hang out with my girls, some I hadn’t seen in forever.  A great time was had by all, despite the fact the waitress jipped me for my calamari and I GROSSLY overpaid.  But whatever, I had fun and didn’t leave until 3 in the morning.

All in all, I wondered why I had never gone out for CBC before; I’ve been missing out.  But I did realize that I can’t make a habit of going out and kicking it til the wee hours of the morning.  I’m not 22 anymore.  That’s why I was home on Saturday night, knocked out at 6:30.

I’m sure CBC will see me next year.  Maybe one of these days, I’ll be able to attend something during the day.  But if I continue to work 30 miles outside of the city, that’s not too likely to happen.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

So I’m going through some old posts. As you can tell, I didn’t post any progression pics, and it’s because I wasn’t progressing. But Southern Mom and I have a friendly competition going on AND I now have a workout buddy who’s keeping me accountable. Most importantly, I’m running in a half-marathon next year with my cousins, so I need to get my act together!

Southern Girl in the City

I’ve been away from social media and the gossip of the internet for awhile.  I’m also behind on my favorite blog. (I caught up a little bit last night!)  As I logged on to Facebook to wish Southern Mom a “Happy Birthday!”, I saw a link for Demetria Lucas’ (aka A Belle in Brooklyn) column on Essence.com “Real Talk”.  Today’s topic discusses Boris Kodjoe and #FatExcuses.

Demetria goes on to discuss how Boris came under fire this weekend for his tweet saying he had nightmares about 300 pound women in thongs eating fried chicken grinding on him.  He went on to site statistics about Black women and how a large population of us are obese.  Of course, people got offended, but you can’t shoot the messenger.  The truth hurts.  And I should know; everytime my mom talks to me about getting more active, I balk.  I look at myself in the…

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This Week in the News

I know…SHOCKER!!! When was the last time I did a “TWITN” post??? It’s been a minute.

First, I want to ask that we pray or have a moment of silence for all of the people that lost their lives in the attacks in Libya and Egypt earlier this week.  Hate is such a terrible thing, and I wish leaders would make a real effort to try to eradicate it.

Next, I want to go on record as saying that you people who think O.J. Simpson is Khloe Kardashian’s dad need a hobby… Seriously people???  Yes, Khloe looks a little different from her siblings, but that’s what happens when you have four children with the same parents.  Have you guys ever heard of biology and recessive traits??? If not, look it up, because I refuse to go into detail about genetics work.  I will say I know plenty of families with more than 4 children and not all of the children look alike.  Some are shorter, some have ligther skin, some are a little thicker than most.  It happens….

For those of you that watch “Big Brother”, I know you’re probably salivating at the mouth to find out if Dan will win again.  He is such a sneaky little snake this season!  He has played an awesome game, and if he can convince the jury of that, he has a pretty good shot at walking away with the prize.

Now, while my Jaguars had WAY better stats in Sunday’s game than Minnesota, they weren’t able to pull out a win.  I do hope (and pray) that they get their first W of the season at home…against Houston.  I know it may be a long shot, but Jacksonville is looking MUCH better than they did last year.

Next week, I’ll be focusing on Voter Education.  While I don’t care who you vote for (actually, I do!), I believe that we should ALL be well versed in the rules governing our voting rights.  So be on the lookout!  Enjoy your weekend, and until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

It’s Complicated

If you follow Paul Carrick Brunson, you know the title of today’s post is the title of his new book AND his live tour, which is coming to a city near you!

Last Thursday, Paul brought “It’s Complicated LIVE!” to our nation’s capital, and yours truly was able to attend.  The first hour consisted of mixing and mingling with other attendees.  You were able catch up with old friends and possibly make some new ones.  The discussion portion of the evening was hosted by J.J. Smith, and music was provided by Rob Murat.  Paul hosted an evening of laughs, surprises, and astonishing moments.  He also touched on various themes in his book, which included knowing your non-starters, the laws of attraction, and don’t be afraid to love again.  As in true Paul fashion, he had two gentlemen present that were single and looking for relationships.  In an attempt to narrow down the women, Paul showed the audience a list of non-starters and a list of priorities and asked each of us to pick 3-5 from each list.  Through the process of elimination, “Joe” was introduced to LaTonya, a woman that he shared his values, non-starters, and attraction.   Next up, three women were selected to meet Sterling.  These women were chosen because they believed their flirt game to be a 10.  It was very interesting to see the confidence and poise these women possessed.  Each one had a different method and were defintely brave to have their best game on display for a roomful of people.

My main take-aways from the event were to always be confident, being open to love again, and to expand your circle.  It’s ok for a woman to approach a man.  While I’ve heard that numerous times in the past, that’s not something I suscribe to on a regular basis.  Am I confident?  Absolutely.  But will I be the aggressor and approach a man?  Not often.  But kudos to the ladies that do.  One thing that I think resonated with the crowd was Paul stating you will love again.  We shouldn’t let past break-ups and heartaches affect our ability to not be interested in relationships anymore.   And while every man or woman you meet may not be the love of your life, they may know the person who is.  IMHO, we shouldn’t always be on the prowl when we go out.  Set out to have a great time.  That’s what people are attracted to-whether they want to date you or just be your friend.

The great thing about Paul is that he’s warm and personable, even when he’s on stage talking to over 150 people.  And he never forgets a face.  After first meeting almost two years ago (and having that be the last time we saw one another), we were able to have great dialogue after the main event as if we talked on a regular basis.  I honestly believe that anyone who attends “It’s Complicated LIVE!” can get a lot out of the discussion.

To see when Paul will be in your city, visit his site here.  And another great thing about attending the event, is that with your ticket purchase, you get a copy of his book, which will be released on October 11!  And to my DMV folks that weren’t able to attend last week, don’t worry.  “It’s Complicated LIVE!” will be in Baltimore on September 25.  Yes, it’s a little hike from the District, but you will be so glad that you went.  And to my Chicago and Atlanta readers, Paul is hitting your cities this week!

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl… in the city!