Reinventing Elle: Thirty and a Third

So last Sunday was the 3 month anniversary of my 30th birthday. (Don’t judge me.)  It also happened to be the day that I cut all of my hair off.  The previous Friday, at Neo-Soul Night at the Carter Barron Amphitheater, I had a discussion with my girls and decided to do the “Big Chop”.  I did it for a number of reasons.  The main reason why is because I wanted to change something about myself.  And yes, cutting my hair is drastic and irreplaceable, but it’ll grow back.  This coming from the same person who always felt like I had to have hair and that I would never look good being the size I am with short hair.  And living in DC, the fear of people thinking that I was something I wasn’t was real.  I wasn’t too concerned with what my friends thought.  I was concerned about what my family and my co-workers would think, moreso the latter since I saw them 5 days a week.  I walked into work Monday with my head so I wouldn’t have to make eye contact with anyone.  But something inside me said, “Hold your head up.  Be confident in yourself.”  I immediately snapped my head up with confidence and poise and haven’t put it down yet.

After 2 years, I finally saw my physician again this past week.  I always pride myself on going to the doctor and dentist on schedule each year.  When I found out I was losing my job last summer, I called my doctor to make an appointment before my insurance was up.  Unfortunately, the first available appointment was about 3 weeks after my job ended.  One of my first thoughts when I got hired at my new gig was, “YES!!! I have medical insurance again!”  (Don’t ask why it’s taken me 5 months to get to her.)  She told me something that I’ve known to be true but haven’t taken to seriously-I need to lose weight.  And even though I’ve only gained 4 pounds in 2 years, my health is a concern.  I have prehypertension.  So yes, while I hem and haw and work out and eat right for about a week before I go back to my old ways, that’s not an option anymore.  I need to get serious about my health. So I will find different ways to work and get exercise during the week.  I’m happy to report I walked a lot this weekend. 

There comes a time in our lives when we realize we have to re-invent ourselves.  Whether it’s to look better, to be healthier, or to do something new, we may to do something we’ve never done before to get the things that we need and/or want.  What do I want?  To be healthy and happy and enjoy life.  And it’s time to start taking things seriously, especially my health.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

What Are You Offering?

I suscribe to e-mails from Evan Marc Katz, who is a life and dating coach.  Normally, I delete this e-mails after skimming them (after questioning why I haven’t unsuscribed), but the e-mail he sent yesterday caught my eye.  It was titled, “What Does He Get Out of Dating You, Elle?” As the somewhat selfish and narcisstic Southern Belle I am, I decided to read (well skim a little harder) this particular message before I discarded it. 

Apparently Marc’s thing is helping folks when it comes to internet dating.  He assists them with writing these great bios that make people reach out to them and respond in droves.  When we think of selling ourselves, we always mention where we were educated, our beliefs, our hobbies, and the like, but we don’t mention what we will DO for our potential mate.  Things like making sure you have a hearty laugh at least once a day, taking you on a day trip to a wine vineyard, or giving you flowers just because.  And all of this got me to thinking, “Elle, why would anyone want to do date you?”  Yeah I’m cute and funny and witty, but that’s all things about me; what do I do for HIM?  So, I’ve decided to re-evaluate my dating habits and think about why someone would want to date me.  With the new guy, I can admit I think I’ve been a little selfish and self-absorbed.  So far, I don’t think he minds, but I do.  Besides being concerned with the superficialities of why Elle is a great girl, I need to think about how my potential mate will feel when he’s with me.  As Marc eluded to, a man doesn’t want a competitor; he wants a compliment.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

Is This Appropriate?

As a single woman (who hopes to one day not be single), I am always cognizant of attractive (single) men.  (Well, always may be a stretch…)  Let’s just say I pay attention to my surroundings.  So when I went out with my neighbor Saturday night and one of her friends joined us, I noticed he was cute AND ringless on the finger where it mattered.  But alas, sad to say, he was married. 

After the UFC fight was over (after midnight), my neighbor (we’ll call her Erica) asked her married, ringless friend (we’ll call him Sean) to give us a ride home.  Sean agreed, and we all trooped out to his car.  Once we were all buckled in, Sean decided he wasn’t ready to go home yet.  After driving around (and some convincing from Sean since Erica and I were sleepy), we settled at a bar on U St.  While enjoying our drinks and hanging out, Sean asked us what was the freakiest thing we had ever done. o_O Say what now???  You guys don’t need to know what exactly was said; let’s just say we engaged in dialogue that, in my opinion, should not have been had between a married man and a woman that was not his wife.  We stayed at said bar until the lights came on, and then we left.  I think I got home around 3 in the morning. 

Sad to say, this is not the first time some woman’s husband has approached me from left field.  I’ve been propositioned, hit on, flirted with, and even told that an ex-girlfriend said it was painful to be with him (you get what I’m saying).  As I commented on Facebook yesterday, men and women can be doggish.  But I always give the side eye to men who are a little too forthcoming with information and a little too flirtatious.  And, as it was also pointed out to me, I will be married some day.  And I believe Karma is a mean, ugly b—-, and she comes back with a vengeance.  Would I want my husband to have these type of conversations with another woman?  Absolutely not.  Are these types of conversations appropriate?  IMHO, no. 

Since Erica didn’t have the answer to why he didn’t wear a ring, I asked Sean.  His response was, “I don’t wear rings, so I don’t have a wedding band.  And sometimes bands attract more women that not wearing one does.  Actually, none of my boys that are married wear one.”  But to me, a band is not for other women; it’s for your wife-as a symbol of your commitment to each other.  Sean said he’s never cheated on his wife, and she must be REALLY understanding if he can stay out til 3 o’clock in the morning.

So, am I completely innocent in the events of Saturday?  Sadly, no, but after writing this  out and doing some reflection, I realize that I need to do better.  Just because I’m a flirt by nature doesn’t mean I have the right to flirt with someone else’s husband, no matter how innocent it may appear to be and if he is the instigator.  Some people may not think anything is wrong with the scenario from this weekend.  As Erica told me, we don’t know the rules of their relationship.  Sean’s wife may be fine with him being out all hours of the night….without her.  I’m not sure I could ever be that understanding.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.