Earlier this week, the Style Network premiered the new show “Sperm Donor”, which follows a man who donated sperm, one of the women who chose his sperm, and two young girls who have the same biological father. While I’m very happy that the two sisters found each other, this post is going to focus more on the donor we know of, Ben, the mother of two of his children, Sharon, and my own thoughts about sperm donation.
While in law school, Ben donated sperm for some extra cash. He is now engaged and has discovered he has 74 (yes, the number is correct) children. Understandably, his fiancee was concerned. The mother of 2 of his children has come forward, and she’s concerned that more will be reaching out. He thinks she’s worried for nothing; but he did tell her on their 3rd date that he was a sperm donor and has “children” in the world. Now Sharon’s dilemma is a little more difficult. She has to explain to her oldest, her daughter, that Ben and Mommy were never together and that he’s engaged to another woman. As most children do, Sharon’s daughter has concocted this fantasy that Mommy and “Daddy” will be reunited, get married, and live happily ever after. But what’s a 7 year old to think? I have to admit, there were times growing up when I wanted Southern Mom and Southern Dad to get back together. It wasn’t until I was 10 or 11 that I realized that wasn’t going to happen. Sharon was able to get through to her daughter to make her realize that Ben wasn’t going to marry her. They had a great meeting and have decided to keep in touch.
To my VERY close friends, I have mentioned that if I am not married or in a serious relationship by the time I’m 40 (up from the close age of 35), I will get artificially inseminated. The show “Sperm Donor” has brought my worst fea rs to life. What happens if I go to a sperm bank, pick a man that is “highly desirable”, and find out 50 other women picked his sperm, too? And I don’t know too much about the whole sperm donation thing, but I thought that everything was supposed to be anonymous? But I guess with this new sperm donor website, where you can find a man based on his donor number, nothing is a mystery anymore.
So, my thoughts on the show and sperm donation in general? I definitely think that sperm donation is a great thing for women who want their own children or for couples who cannot conceive naturally. However, I definitely think there should be a limit on how many children a man “fathers”. And I thought the whole point of using an anonymous sperm donor was to say “anonymous”… I have to admit I was afraid of the whole picking a random dude based on a list of things. I’m kinda re-thinking this whole sperm donor thing. Hopefully, I won’t have to make this decision, because I know it can be a hard one. If you saw the show, what did you think? Or what are your thoughts on sperm donation in general? Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!
Southern Girl in the City 
So, I just watched the episode and may first thought is, I could NOT marry him. That’s way too much baggage. Watching him meet and interact with two of his children almost made me cry, but he can’t do that with 70 . I’m all for sperm donation and I love that it is an option for women & couples who may need it, but there should be a cap on how many times a man’s sperm can be used….and 70 is not the number. I’m just in shock right now.
I saw the end of this show and while I used to think when I was at a certain age I would just have a kid – I have since realized it is selfish to bring a child into a single parent household on purpose. And it is a lot of work…think about and the single young moms you know. As well, when I see all these black men and women who have so many underlying issues because of being raised in a single parent household – we must rethink purposely bringing another statistic into this world because it is what we want and not what is best for the child.
Here is my thought…Ben and the doctors and the recipients of Ben are wrong for bringing this man into the lives of these children. The laws should make sure that donor information is TOTALLY blind. A name should never be added. And in cases where a medical update is needed, it should only be referred to by donor number.
There is a moral and ethical implementation here that breaks the rules. And everyone involved is going to pay in a way. Ben for his selfishness in revealing himself, has now put himself into a light where I think he should be legally responsible for his children. If they are going to start trying to treat him as a father and he is going to start trying to act like a father…He should be held to the same consequence of a father. The parents of these children are being selfish in that they may now have to deal with kids who may start demanding they want to talk to Ben or be with Ben when things aren’t going their way at home. The registry is wrong in that it is causing undue stress in the lives of all these people who are now interacting in ways that the program was not designed for.
While I think the fiancee would be petty to leave Ben…I personally could not blame her if she did. He is treating the whole thing like it is no big deal. While I think his intent was not selfishly done…He is a fool not to see the ramifications of his actions and what all he is now going to bring into the marriage. What’s to say one of these women don’t start to ask for more interactions as a parents to one of his children? What if she shows that he is behaving like a parent and thus decides to pursue child support from him? Could a court be so cold as to ignore the moral and ethical basis of making him take the responsibilities of a parent?