What Are We Missing?

We always talk about the “good” woman who is single-smart, has a nice job, goes to church, and volunteers in her community.-and how we wonder why no one has snagged her up.   She works hard and plays harder, but she’s never been able to be “caught” by the right guy.  Sure, she dates, but she always seems to attract the wrong type of the guy-The Playboy, The Smooth Talker, The “I’m Just Looking for a Good Time” dude, The Control Freak (I could go on). 

We rarely talk about the “good” single guy, but he does exist.  The nice dressing, nice smelling, loves his momma, church attending, educated, and financially sound brother who hasn’t met Ms. Right-but he’s steady looking for her.  He’s met The Gold Digger, The Liability, The Leach, and The Fast Girl, but he hasn’t met The One. 

Why on earth can’t these two people find each other???

Are they not going to the same places?  Do they not roll in the same social circles?  Do they even live in the same cities?  Or…are they not looking at the right package?  Men, are you looking for a woman who is a size 4?  Maybe you’re looking for a woman who has a certain type of job.  And ladies, what’s your excuse?  Is it possible you’re looking for a man who makes a certain amount of money?  Or maybe you’re searching for a man who has a certain zip code in his address.  What ever the case is-what are we missing?

I think I’m a good woman and would make a wonderful mate and significant other.  Now, I’ve joked to my friends about going down South, finding a big ol’ country boy, and dragging him back to DC.  I don’t feel like my husband is in the DMV, and how is going to find me if I’m here and he’s somewhere else?  In all actuality, I’ve heard some of my friends say they know great men who are single and haven’t found “The One”.  So, if there are all these good men and good women in the world, why the heck haven’t we met? 

These are just some ramblings today and some things going through my head.  Feel free to share your comments, thoughts, and feelings on why good men and women can’t (or don’t) meet each other.  I’m sure you’d be helping out someone.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

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Southern Girl Show Review- Single Ladies

Last night, VH1 premiered the third season of “Basketball Wives” and its new show “Single Ladies”.  I wasn’t that excited about “Basketball Wives” (we all knew what that was going to entail), but I was excited to watch “Single Ladies”.  My final assessment of the show?  I’m still torn. 

I was excited to see the show for several reasons: For starters, two of the three leads were black.  And despite what we may think of them, Stacey Dash and LisaRaye McCoy are still gorgeous.  Second, it was an hour long show-something that has been missing from Black television for a LONG time.   I do have some gripes with the show.  And to keep this post from being too long (and to keep your attention), I’ll use bullet points.

  • The premiere was an hour too long
  • There were TOO many subplots
  • I felt like I was watching a movie instead of a tv show
  • There were too many appearances by celebrities
  • I couldn’t figure out Keisha, Val, and April’s ages
  • I also found it hard that Keisha and Val were friends with April (they seem older)
  • Is Cam’ron still relevant to rap music in 2011? 
  • Is LisaRaye believable as a video vixen?
  • A lot of the story lines sucked

I think that’s all I have for now.  All in all, I really tried to give the show a chance, but it was just too much going on.  (If you want to see my comments from last night, check out my Twitter profile.)  There were some things that I could relate to as a single woman, but other aspects were too ridiculous.  I did fall asleep during the last few minutes of th show, but I’m sure I’ll catch it sometime this week.  I may watch it again next week, but it may take a miracle to get me to like it…

If you saw it, what do you think?  Does this show have some longevity or is it doomed to be cancelled?  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

This Week in the News

Happy Friday!  First, let me thank everyone that came out to Jin last night to help me celebrate my one year blogoversary!!!  I appreciate all of you, and your support is so overwhelming!  For those of you that missed it, my big announcement was that I have officially opened my doors for business!  Elle Speaks PR and Communications was officially launched last night, and I have my first client.  I’m currently working on securing two more, so please keep me in your prayers.  Yes, I know I’m a busy bee, but my goal is to eventually work for myself. 

Some more great news to share-David Bruton, a safety for the Denver Broncos, isn’t just sitting on his tail during the NFL lockout.  He’s substitute teaching at his high school alma mater.  I think this is SO commendable!  Instead of just sitting on his keister, he’s giving back to his community.  And I’m glad that he graduated with his degree so he was able to do something constructive.  His actions definitely deserve to be recognized. 

The preview for “Dark Girls”, a documentary done by Bill Duke and D. Channsin Berry, focuses on the issues still surrounding color in the Black community.  It’s amazing to me that color is still an issue in 2011.  The women and girls featured tell their stories of feeling un-pretty or “less than” just because of their complexion.  I couldn’t watch the entire thing.  I became thoroughly disgusted when a guy said he doesn’t date dark-skinned women and his reasoning as to why he doesn’t.  I know we all have preferences in what we like, whether it’s height, education background, etc., but this guy was a complete jerk.  In any event, I’ll let you guys take a look at the clip yourselves and come to your own conclusions.

One thing that seems to be on minds and in the mouths of many is that Oprah has completed her “Farewell” season.  After being a staple on afternoon television for the last 25 years, Oprah Winfrey has completed her talk show.  Honestly, I’ve never been a huge Oprah fan.  I felt that most of her shows were not geared towards my demographic.  There were a few episodes that she did that I watched-for example, when she had the cast of “Crash”, Tyler Perry, and the 50th anniversary of the Freedom Rides.  But most of the other topics-I could do without.  This is definitely the end of an era, but I’m sure we will still Oprah on the OWN network.  I can say that watching her on “Masters Class” this past Wednesday made me want to watch “The Color Purple”. 

My girl Kim Kardashian is engaged!!!  After only dating six months, Kris Humphries, a forward for the New Jersey Nets, proposed to Kim on May 18 in her home.  Yes, while I think it’s rather quick, we all know Kim is ecstatic.  She’s wanted to be married for some time.  I wish them nothing but a lifetime of happiness.

The trial of Casey Anthony started this week.  Some shocking news has come out during the trial, such as the defense claiming little 2 year old Caylee Anthony drowned in the pool, and Casey and her dad tried to cover it up.  (Uh, who saw THAT one coming???)  I just feel really bad for this little girl who was never allowed to grow up.  If Casey is guilty, I hope she is punished to the fullest extent of the law.

Bishop Eddie Long settled with his four accusers out of court.  I’m glad this has been resolved.  I doubt that any amount of money will take away the pain and shame that these young men felt.  It will be interesting to see how Bishop Long bounces back now that this is settled, and he can move on.  It is surprising that he didn’t go to trial so he could clear his name, but just as Tulane professor Shayne Lee stated, “When you settle outside of court, it implies that there’s some guilt involved.”

Whew! It’s been a busy week!  I hope you all have a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend!  I plan to go to the beach and get some sun!  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

Why Men and Not Women?

A few months back, I asked my friends on Facebook for suggestions of blogs to read.  Someone suggested “Until I Get Married”.  I had seen the blog title before, but never really paid any attention to it.  After that suggestion, I read the latest post and was impressed.  So much so I check the site on a regular basis (still not more than “Black and Bougie”, though!)  In any event, I checked out an old post yesterday, due to someone commenting on it, and decided to read it.  The post?  “Girls You Shouldn’t Fall For: The Lesbian Edition“. 

I’ll let you all read it for yourselves, but essentially Jozen (the author) met a girl to whom he was drawn to, and they started out being friends.  But that didn’t last too long.  Despite her being a lesbian, he still tried to date her.  He wasn’t turned away by the fact that she was attracted to women and hadn’t dated a man in 10 years.  Reading his post made me recount multiple conversations I’ve had with my friends regarding men and women who are hetero, but may be involved with people who have dabbled in homosexual relationships. 

From my experience, men will date women they know are attracted to women and have been involved with women.  Women, on the other hand, will not be involved with a man who has slept with or has been attracted to men.   I believe men think it’s hot for two girls to get together and believe they will get something out of the deal (-_-), but women on the other hand…not so much.  Since I’ve moved to DC, I have met a few men who are homosexual and who are attractive.  If one of them came up to me one day and said, “Elle, I’m really attracted to you, I think you’re a wonderful woman, and I think we should go out sometime…on a date”, I would have to give him the side-eye.  My biggest worry is that he would be tempted to stray if we were to get together.  And it’s one thing to think that I have to worry about my man being attracted to another woman, but a man???  I honestly don’t think I can handle it.  And one of my friends even asked me and another one our girlfriends during a get-together if we would ever date a man that was a friend, but we knew that he had slept with men.  I can’t remember our exact answers, but I believe in the end we both said, “No.” 

So, this leads to the question why are men attracted to women who have been with other women, but women will not be with men who have been with other men?  In my personal opinion, it’s still considered taboo, in the Black community, to be a homosexual man.  Not to mention there are many men who will sleep with other men and still have sexual relationships with women.  And I also believe a woman feels like she can compete with another woman, if it comes down to it.  But to compete with another man…I wouldn’t know where to begin.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I know there are plenty of women who will still be involved in a relationship with a man who sleeps with other men; I just don’t think I’m that girl. 

In conclusion, I don’t think I have a real reason why men will date bi- or homosexual women, but women won’t do the same, at least not at the same level.  So maybe you guys can help me understand.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

I have been DYING to share this song by Prince with you all.  Unfortunately, I can’t find a full recording on the net, but I do have the lyrics.  This is a classic example of being attracted to someone who is unattainable. 

“The Dance” by Prince

Eye don’t wanna give U my love
‘Cause eye don’t wanna lose my mind
Eye don’t wanna give U my love
‘Cause if eye do it’s gonna be the last time (eww eww eww)
‘Cause Eye never want 2 feel this way again
If eye can’t be Ur lover, eye don’t wanna be Ur friend
No, eye don’t wanna be friends, no

(eww eww eww, baby)
(ewww oh, ewww oh)

Eye don’t wanna hold Ur hand, (eye don’t wanna gold Ur hand,)no
‘Cause eye would just follow U everywhere (oh oh oh, uh oh)
Eye don’t wanna see U dance (eye don’t want 2 see it, girl)
‘Cause eye don’t even really want 2 take the chance
Of fallin’ in love with U, baby
If U ever said those beautiful words 2 me
“If eye wanna be Ur fantasy”, yes…
Eye wanna dance, yes
(Let’s dance sugar)

(eww eww eww, oooh)

Eye don’t wanna give U my love

Oh baby, This must be temptation

‘Cause eye just can’t get U off my mind
Eye try and try, but when eye close my eyes
Eye see U every time, un hunh

Eye don’t wanna go 2 fast (oooh)
‘Cause if eye do eye just might stay (stay with me)
Eye’d stay with U, baby
Eye guess eye better make it last (make it last, eww eww)
The longer that eye feel this way (the longer that U feel this way)
Eye never want 2 feel this way again
If eye can’t be Ur lover eye don’t wanna be Ur friend, no
Eye don’t wanna be friends, no

Eye don’t want 2 give U my love
Eye don’t want 2 give U my love

Oh oh honey, baby, no no no

Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo
Baby, how U gonna really just stand there
And act like U don’t want this, baby?
If U do then U know, eye just don’t care
Oh baby, eye can find another just like U anywhere
Oh baby, they might not have Ur hips, girl
Or that pretty hair, Ooo Ooo Ooo
At least they won’t spend all day in the mirror
Trying 2 find something 2 wear
At least, they won’t want 2 make love like U do
On the stairs, against the pole
On the north corner of the… aww baby, baby, baby, baby
It’s just not fair, it’s just not fair, (scream)Ooo Ooo…

 

One Year Ago Today

…I wrote my very first post on this blog!  I had NO clue of what I was doing, but I just knew I wanted to write.  I didn’t have any great expectations.  I knew that I wanted to eventually parlay this into writing on a freelance basis.  I could never imagine that I would eventually meet some great people, such as Paul Carrick Brunson, Shanel Cooper-Sykes, and others who have been featured on the blog.  I never dreamed I would share some things with you guys, such as my mis-adventures in internet dating, my reaction to the death and related events of Mitrice Richardson, or share my thoughts on men and how I don’t understand anything they do (this is just one of the many posts where I ask questions).  Who would’ve thunk I would start the series of “This Week in the News”, “Relationship Week”, or “Witty Wednesday”???  Certainly not me.

I’ve grown so much in this last year.  I’m still Elle, but I have had some pretty significant experiences that have helped to shape and mold me into who I am.  The name “Evolving Elle” is very apropos for me as I’m continuing to evolve based on my experiences.  I know the things I’ve seen since I’ve been to DC I wouldn’t have seen had I lived anywhere else. 

I want to thank you-my family, my friends, my suscribers, my readers-for sticking with me through this first year.  I know the next year will be even more awesome!  If you’re in the DMV, I want to see you tonight!  I’m hosting a happy hour at Jin Lounge, located at 2017 14th St. NW (Between U and V Sts. NW).  Elle’s identity will no longer be a mystery…if you haven’t at least figured out my real name! 😉  I also have a big announcement to share with you all as well, so to make sure you’re in the know, you may want to come! 

Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

PS Be on the lookout for today’s 2nd post around 10 am.

Witty Wednesday-Finding Middle Ground

So, the last time I did some self-reflection, I stepped outside of my box.  But I think I stepped out too far. 

With the latest guy that I talked about and approached, we started off with some witty banter.  But…I think I got a little carried away.  All communication has ceased.  I’m going to let it ride because I don’t know him and he doesn’t me.  And while in the past I have always prided myself on people liking me and things ending when I want them to, at 29 years old, I’ve decided who really cares???  I mean, our contact was only through technological means, so it’s not that serious.  And I seriously doubt if we’ll ever meet in person.

With one of the gents I met in Atlanta, we’ve had a nice repertoire.  We’ve spoken on the phone, we’ve texted, and we’ve made plans to meet for drinks on Tuesday. 🙂  AND…he even told me, “He liked my persistence.”  So obvously with him I’m doing something right. 

I have a tendency to take things a little too personally.  My auntie “Madeline” decided to be a little messy (just kidding if you’re reading this!).  There is a young gentleman that we know that she has tried to make play matchmaker with him and me.  Besides the fact I don’t think he’s interested in me, I’ve decided this doesn’t need to be pursued, for many reasons.  While homeboy is nice to look at, he’s too immature.  Recently when I used to see him, I became cold, a little itchy with a “B” in front, and quiet (according to others), which is not me.  The last time we were around each other, I became more like the old Elle-friendly, chatty, and personable.  So I think things are going back to normal.

I say all of this to say…just be you.  Or I need to just be me.  It’s hard to switch up your actions to match what you think people will like or what they’re looking for.  If you just continue to be you, that’s what matters.  Someone likes me just the way I am, with a little sass, a little aggressiveness, and a little cheeky.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

I’m Hosting a Happy Hour!

Happy Tuesday!  In case we’re not connected via Facebook or Twitter you probably don’t know that I’m hosting a happy hour this Thursday!  May 26 marks the one year anniversary of my blog, and to thank you guys for your support, I’m hosting an event at Jin Lounge so I can meet all of you and thank you in person.  And honestly, it’s been a while since I’ve hung out and attended happy hour in the District, so I figure what better reason do I need to celebrate!  Doors open at 5:30, and there are happy hour specials until 8:00.  If you’ve never been to Jin, then you’ve missed out on great cocktails and amazing appetizers! 

Jin is located at 2017 14th St NW, between U and V Sts. NW, right in the middle of the U St. Corridor.  To RSVP for the event, check it out here on Facebook.  I can’t wait to meet all of you this Thursday!  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city!

P.S. I have a really big announcement (no, I’m not engaged and I’m not moving!), so you have to make sure you’re there to hear the news firsthand!