The “Heavy” Girl Got Married

 

Photo courtesy of DavidsBridal.com

So maybe I’m being a little sensitive and looking too much into this. I’ll own that. And it’s ok. As people, we’re not going to always like the things we see. In order not to hurt anyone’s feelings or keep the peace, we keep mum on a lot of things. I used to be one of those people. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that’s not healthy. I should let people know when I’ve been hurt or disrespected, but not in a confrontational way. Yesterday, I read the Savvy Dating blog. I love reading her blog, and the title “The Type of Women Men Marry” caught my eye. I read it, along with the comments of her readers. In the first paragraph, the author told the story of a conversation she had with a friend. Said friend couldn’t understand why an ex recently married a “heavy” girl but was always on her to lose weight. One of the comments relating to “heavy” girls was:

He gets the “heavy girl” because her self-esteem/self worth may not be as high as everyone else. This is what I call the “investment chick”. She has all the basics that he wants but she still has room for improvements that he can help her make. His {He} gets a return on his investment after “encouraging” her to lose the weight. Not only does {she} lose the weight making her the 10 he originally wanted, but she is going to truly think he loves her because he took the time to support her getting healthy but really it’s for his personal gain.

There are SO many things wrong with this statement. First, who says that “heavy” girls have low self-esteem/self-worth? Neither of these is directly correlated with one’s size. A girl who is a size 4 can feel completely dissatisfied with herself while a girl who is a size 18 knows her worth and won’t settle for anyone who doesn’t realize it also.  Next, is a man really going to date a woman who is overweight just for the simple fact he can encourage her to lose weight and be her savior??? Uh, I don’t think so. Maybe the woman he married had something this other woman didn’t; maybe she loved herself how she was, loved this man for who he was, he saw her as a helpmate and not a hindrance, and maybe she was bringing something to the table this man liked. Lastly, just because a woman is not a size 6 doesn’t mean she’s not a “10”. I’m really surprised no one called this woman out on this comment. Men like confident women, and the woman who is a size 16 and walks into any room like she owns it is going to the get the attention rather than a woman who is a size 6 and walks in like she’s scared.  As my “auntie” Casey tells me all the time, “There’s a taste for every shape.”

I have a cousin who as long as I’ve known her has never been a small woman.  She has always been confident, been fly, been attractive, and had herself together.  She turned 40 this year and also celebrated her 19th wedding anniversary. To my knowledge, her weight has never been an issue with her husband. He loves her for who she is and what she brings to their relationship.

In my adult life, I have never been smaller than a size 12, and I’ve never had a problem with my self-esteem or self-worth. My mother taught me growing up that I was smart and pretty and that I have a lot to offer to the world, not just a man. No, I’m not always happy with my size, but who is? I know plenty of women who are a size 6, 8, or whatever (smaller than me) and they want to lose weight. If and when I decide to lose weight, it’ll be my decision. Not because I want to impress/get/keep a man. I’ve had enough men to approach me being the size I am now.

What do you guys think? Am I being too sensitive? Do you agree with this young lady’s statement about “heavy” girls? Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

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6 Comments

  1. I completely agree with what you said. In all honesty, I think her weight had nothing to do with the fact that he married her, versus the ex. I know plenty of women who go to the gym, yoga, and work out on a regular basis who are a healthy size 12-18. They are confident, intelligent, and beautiful. I wasn’t aware that size mattered. I thought that people got married for a whole lot more enduring qualities, compatibility, and the likes? Well I guess that’s just my point of view.

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  3. Good morning Elle,

    I am glad I saw this tweet from Savvy so that I could respond to this post. I too, took some personal offense at that particular part of the post but I tried to put that aside because I understood where she was coming from with the overall gist of the topic.

    As a ‘heavy’ girl who just got married in September, I can attest that yes, the big girls do get married and get married regularly. I felt like like the friend referred to in the post was jealous because the heavier girl got the dude that she used to date.

    I’m kind of over this mindset that bigger girls don’t get play, don’t get boyfriends, don’t get married and only get used for sex. Miss me with that, please. I am sure that there are some that do but there are average/thin women that get messed over on the daily as well.

    So I feel where you are coming from. Please stop by my blog when you get a chance. I just wrapped blogging my wedding and am transitioning to blogging about newlywed life and life in general.

    Have a great day! 🙂

  4. I’m so glad Melanie put me on to your blog!

    I, too, have never been smaller than a 12 (just my body’s composition *kanyeshrug*) and I think its insane what the girls said about homegirl being an investment chick. It really is disgusting to think that someone would waste their time trying so hard to change someone. I told my boo, “Sure, I could go to the gym. I could even lay off the cupcakes. But I am STILL going to be full-figured. Love it or leave it.” So now he knows. At my best, when I was dancing and active every day, I was a 16. So go figure. Literally. Go Figure! Any woman that doesn’t love herself enough, no matter what size she is opens the door to be mistreated by anyone else. I have a friend who is very small and I think she is her guy’s investment chick. It doesn’t just happen to the larger woman. The whole concept of an investment chick is disturbing though. That’s why it is so important to instill confidence in little girls. That way, when they grow up, they can dismiss any knuckleheads who aren’t in it because they love who they truly are.
    Good post. I’m keeping you on my radar!

  5. Such a great post. Love it…like you I have never been smaller than a size 12 and somedays I hate that I go home alone and when I can’t get a date, I usually call my dad. But, as far as investment chicks are concerned I also have lots of girlfriends that have investment guys too! I think its strange that they would want to raise the guy that they will ultimately one day have a child with…but whatever floats their boat. Pearsonally, I like to be treated with respect and so I guess I will stay single rather than bow down to some dude who thinks he can “fix” me….I’m not broken. I love myself just the way I am that’s all that matters. Thanks Elle for this post. It was a great read.

  6. Pingback: Becoming a Better Elle « Southern Girl in the City

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