You’ve Got to Be Kidding…

Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker from one of my favorite movies "Something New"

I normally don’t respond to other writer’s blogs/comments/post in a negative way, because we all are entitled to our opinion, but as Katherine Jackson said to her husband, Joe, “On this, I gotta speak.”  In case you missed it, posted an article by LaShaun Williams titled “8 Reasons to Date a White Man“.  As someone who has dated a white guy before and is open to doing it again, I was interested in reading the article.   I’m sure Ms. Williams is a lovely young lady…but her reasons are crazy.

The comment that has most of my friends commenting on Facebook is, “They have no problem turning a hoe into a housewife.”  This corresponded with reason # 7-“Have the Ability to Look Beyond Your Past”.  What I gathered from this comment is that Ms. Williams is implying that ALL black women are promiscous.  Her reason started out stating white men have no problem dating the friends of exes and so forth.  I’m wondering how this turned into an attack on black women’s sexual behavior.  Reason # 1-“They Open Wide Instead of Down Low” REALLY takes the cake.  Don’t get it twisted-white men are on the down low, too.  And if they’re gay, they won’t be interested in dating ANY woman, now will they???  And white people have bad credit, too!  (Reason # 6 is Financial Planning and Stability.)  Being fiscally responsible is not determined by race or gender.  I hope she doesn’t think that we are all so small-minded to believe these stereotypes are going to be true about every white man we meet.  And as someone who is married to “a Black man—dark-skinned, 100 percent cocoa”, I wonder if she believes what she’s written about black men?  And how does her husband feel about what she’s written?

And of course, there is a rebuttal article.  Boyce Watkins, Ph.D provided a response to Ms. Williams crazy list.   In the end, he points out that his list is not geared towards good black women-just those who are bitter, nasty, judgmental, angry, and arrogant.  His list made me chuckle a little, but of course his list reached certain levels of ridiculousness as well.  

I’m not sure how serious Ms. Williams was with her list, but I can tell you I truly hope she was kidding.  Maybe it’s because I’m single, but I’m almost tired of hearing about why we should date this group of people or why we should leave this group of people alone.  I have met enough black and white men to know that being in a relationship and remaining single are not exclusive to any one race.  It’s a personal preference.  Some men want to play the field; others are always looking to be in a relationship. 

What do you guys think of the article?  Was Ms. Williams dead on with all of her reasons?  Or is she completely off her rocker?  Maybe she wrote this article just to stir up some stuff and get people all hyped, like yours truly.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.


  1. Where in her blog did she say blk women were all hoes? I missed that part. Interesting that you and some of your friends would read that into her post though.

    She was quite off the wall w/some of her comments, but many of them were grounded in truths. She just made too many generalizations.

  2. There’s nothing that we can do about stereotypes!!! If we could, there wouldn’t be such a word. Controversy makes the world go ’round! Entertainment is what draws us in and this article has plenty of drama. Insight, none-the-less, but it’s truly exaggerated in more cases than one. Thank you for sharing… it has kept my attention, for sure… lol!!!

  3. Pingback: Tweets that mention You’ve Got to Be Kidding… « Southern Girl in the City --

  4. Ok, so I’m going to have to agree with Eric. I didn’t get the sense that she was calling black women promiscuous, I got the sense that she was saying that to white men it does matter if you slept with 1 or 100 guys, they were willing to look past it…and on some levels that is true. Whites(most) have no problem dating within their social circle until they get it right…and I do agree that there is this sense of entitlement from Black men(some) who are whoring Mon-Sun, but expect to marry a virgin and nothing less…and even have the nerve to look down upon you if you don’t possess a certain level of that virginic(yes i made that word up) quality. I’ve seen it happen all too often.

    While I also agree that her post was grounded in extreme generalizations, the premise of her points were founded in truth. Regardless of the extent to which these generalizations between white and black men were made, they do exist. Now don’t get me wrong, she sounded that she really doesn’t like Black men much…her post was cold and callous and it only helped to widen the divide that already exists in the Black community. The rebuttal was funny, and I also believe truthful of some women.

    My comment on her post was simple, we have to change the conversation. Nothing comes from blaming one side or another for the deterioration of relations between Black men and women. It’s time we shift the conversation towards finding a solution that will bridge this communication and respect gap that we have for one another.

  5. My honey and I read this list together. He’s white. I’m not. I tried explaining what was meant as was able to get through all of them but number 7. And he agreed, if you’re a ho, you’re a ho. That’s that.
    But the list, I think, was describing who MOST of us educated black women wouldn’t date anyway. Homophobe? (because that, to me, is a good sign of being down low) Not gonna date you. Fiscally irresponsible? Not gonna date you. And so on and so forth.
    Of course the list is shocking. But really, sit back and think about it. Is it really that off if you think of the stereotypical “thug”?

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