I promise I am NOT trying to write a relationship blog, but it seems as if I get the most traffic/feedback when I talk about relationships, so here I is!!! (As I have joined the “31 Day Branding Your Blog Challenge,” I’ve decided to try this thing out.) Now, guys, I’m not saying that all women are this way, this is just the thoughts of a 20-something year old woman who has evolved in the past year. So here goes:
1. Women don’t really know what they want– We make these lists, conjure up this fantastic man with all these qualities, and when he’s staring us right in the face, we don’t want him. “Something’s just not right” we may say or “He’s too nice” or “He’s too much of a mama’s boy” or something! I’ve realized I need to be open to all possibilities (within reason) and just be happy doing me. I’m sure when the right guy comes along, I’ll know, and I bet he won’t have any qualities I’ve put on my list, except being a Christian; that’s non-negotiable.
2. All of your attached friends will try to hook you up– As the saying goes, “Misery loves company”, I think the same is true for love. Within the past month, two friends, one a newlywed and the other in a new relationship, have made suggestions on how to meet a guy or hinted that they know someone who’s a great catch. I know their hearts are in the right place, and as my “play” auntie said, “Most women who are in relationships want their friends to be happy and in relationships, too.” So, I’ll enjoy the attention, and if it’s meant to be, hopefully a nice young lad will come my way.
3. The grass is not always greener on the other side- A few years back, I stated to a friend that had been married for a few years and had one child that, “I want what you guys have. You seem to have everything together.” As she kindly pointed out to me, things are not always as they appear to be. It’s so easy to be on the outside looking in because you only see what people want you to see. You don’t know the work, time, hours, frustrations, etc. that go into making a relationship work. And as she told me a few weeks ago, “Enjoy your being single, because before you know it, you will have a husband and some children, and your time won’t be your own.” Yeah, I never really thought about that. I enjoy coming and going as I please and not having to tell anyone my plans-I just go. That will ALL change once I get a man.
4. Guys appreciate the little things, too– On a date a few weeks ago, the guy opened the door for me as we were leaving the movies. As he walked around the car, I opened the door for him. He was genuinely surprised and stated that NONE of the girls he dated had done that before. Needless to say, I think I made a favorable impression on him. Guys like it when we do nice things for them, ladies, so I strongly suggest just as your man does nice little things for you that you do the little things for him; he will be greatly appreciative!
5. Sometimes, I’m a little backwards– So, let me explain. When I see a guy that I think is attractive, I won’t approach him, I won’t talk to him, and I won’t let on that I think he’s cute. I may try to catch his eye and smile, but that’s the extent of it. If I meet a man that I’m not remotely attracted to, I become this cute, bubbly, friendly, flirty girl. I know-backwards. But I think subconsciously, I become this girl because I feel like I have nothing to lose; I’m not trying to impress him, so it’s easy for me to be open and friendly. As my friends have pointed out to me, I can approach a guy I think is cute. Even if he’s not feeling me, no love lost as I will probably never see him again. Not sure if I totally believe that as DC is hella small, and I’ve seen a couple of men a time or two around the city. But we’ll see if I can grow in this sense…
So, ladies, what have you learned being single and navigating in this crazy dating world? There are more things I’ve learned, but I had to keep this list to a minimum. Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.
P.S. This Cameo video may not exactly go with the post, but I like it and it’s about being single, so there!
Southern Girl in the City 
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Interesting list! I’m single, too, and disagree with #1. I think the more we know ourselves and learn to treat ourselves, the easier it is to discern what we want. I’m still working on this.
Your 5th item is hilarious.
Thanks for commenting! I agree with your statement of knowing what we want once we get to know ourselves. But I think there are a lot of women, some I have come into contact with, who find something wrong with the good man that they have. I really like it’s a case of thinking the grass is greener. And I’m glad you liked the last item! 🙂
#3 is so true! It’s so easy to “wish” your life away. I wish I had a boyfriend. I wish I had a husband. I wish I had a home and a family. Then you realize that after each step is made, you always “wish” for the next thing to come along. It’s hard to just be happy and enjoy every moment. :::as I wish for the kids to be in school so I can have some time to myself:::
Hana, you are so right! We must enjoy the moment we’re in now, because we’ll be wishing to be back in the moment once it’s over! Once I stopped “wishing” my life away and started enjoying where I was, I realized I had a pretty good life.
I love the post…keep them coming. I really think you should listen to some of the things your friends have said…”wink, wink!”
I definitely agree with #1. Men are always confused by women, and I think this is a main cause. Not to mention that when we do decide we want something, we expect them to just know, without our having to tell them. Its absurd!
One thing I’ve discovered as someone in a happy, permanent relationship is that you’ve got to discover what kind of relationship you want to have. Are you extroverted and super social? You need a guy who is OK with that; either he loves to go out with you all the time or that you have a relationship where you don’t need to spend all your time together. If you’re introverted, you need to take into account the same thing: do you need a guy that wants to stay home all the time? Are you OK with a clubber while you watch Weeds by yourself or with girlfriends? Basically, the more in advance you consider possible issues and discuss them honestly, the fewer problems you create for your relationship in the future!
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Great points! You want to make sure that whomever you end up with has similar interests as you. And if they don’t, are you ok with you all doing separate social activities? Or are you willing to invite your significant other along when you do things or go out with him/her if they invite you out?
OMG! Girl you hit the nail on the head with this list!
One thing that I have learned about being single is that this state of my life is something that *I* cannot control, meaning that I have to trust that God knows what’s best for me.
Now, lemme take off my angel halo.
I am sooooo tired of being single!!! I am tired of getting cute and going out only to have the greasiest guys try to holla. I wonder if the guy that is supposed to be mine has the same feelings and frustrations that I do because he’s trying to find ME!?
Oh, get out of my head!!! The only thing that gives me comfort in this crazy dating world is that I hope “the one” for me is getting the same kinda crazy I’m getting! But just be patient and enjoy being single, because when Mr. Right comes along you’re gonna wish you were single again! 🙂
i absolutely agree with this list. i also think that the longer the list, the less clear we really are about what we want…lists are often made up of things we think we want in a man or what we were told to want…at least when i used a list that’s that it was about.
great post!
-elledub
Thanks so much! I realized that after I got rid of my list and just started dating, I began to have fun. And my experiences have taught me what I want and don’t want, what I will and won’t compromise on. I feel that as long as I’m learning and growing, then it’s not in vain.
I found your blog through Rosetta Thurman’s challenge. Can I just say that I squealed with glee at the Cameo video! That was one of my girlfriend’s theme song and she played it in her car every time we went partying.
So what did I learn as a single lady? I agree, dump the list! Some things are dealbreakers, but trying to find some ideal person to meet all of those unreasonable qualifications will never pan out. You’ll end up miserable! Also, have fun. If you are out and about, don’t have “finding a man” as the main item on the agenda. Nothing looks more desperate and leads to more heartache at the end of the night.
Oh, Adrianne, you are so right!!! I used to be the girl who dressed up to go out hoping that a man would come my way. Once I gave that up and started dressing up and looking good for ME, I began to have fun. And when they see the light-hearted, pretty girl who’s having fun, that’s the girl they want to get to know, not the stuffy stank girl holding her drink standing against the wall. She’s a downer!
Hey honey i am participating in 31bnb too! I just want to say # 4 is totally right! You have to put in just as much as yoiu want to get out of a relationship!
aww #2–Love DOES love company! 🙂 MUAH!