What Makes a Woman “The One”?

During Relationship Week, my friend Erin posed an interesting question on the post “Why Are Educated Black Men Single?”.  She stated that she knows a number of “amazing” single men who are looking for “THE Girl”, but they haven’t found her yet.  (I’m actually wondering why she’s never introduced them to ME, but we’ll save that for a different post!)  We, meaning us ladies, always talk about how we can never find a good man.  But what about those men who want to get married, but haven’t found “THE girl”??? 

I’ll admit it; I’ve been one of those women who has complained a time or two about not meeting the man I thought was the one.  I’ve said most men play games, aren’t ready to settle down, have too much going on, and don’t meet certain criteria on my “list”. (Don’t act like you don’t have a list, ladies and gentlemen.)  I’m a lady, and I know the things that I would like, but I’m really interested in knowing what men want.   Media, society, heck EVERYBODY focuses on what women want in a man.  But today I would like to focus on the men and their wants and needs.  So, guys, let’s have it!  Must she be financially stable, not living with a parent, emotionally stable, cute/sexy/pretty, know how to cook, etc.?  What is it?  Not saying that all ladies will change if need be, but I think this will create some much needed dialogue between the sexes so that women can do some self-evaluation, look in the mirror, and take a look at the things on which we need to improve. 

So, gentlemen, I ask you, what makes a woman “The ONE”?  Do you know any women who have the potential to be “The ONE”?  Or maybe you’ve already met the woman who is “The ONE”.  How far are you willing to go to meet that special lady?  If you don’t think she’s in your current city, are you willing to move to find her?  Don’t be shy guys; now’s your time to make sure your voice is heard.  You can never say, “No one gave me an opportunity to voice my opinion”, because Elle is giving you that chance right now!! 🙂  Until next time, I’m just a Southern Girl…in the city!


  1. @kenyaoa You won’t see it b/c they don’t know. A guy will say he’s looking for XYZ but then end up with ABC. The day a dude really knows what he wants AND can be honest about it, is the day I won’t hold my breath waiting to see.

  2. In no particular order:

    1. She needs to be able to cook
    2. No more than 1 kid, preferably none
    3. Willing to let a man be chivalrous
    4. She must have a sense of humor
    5. Career and/or goal oriented
    6. She needs to have a life outside of the relationship
    7. She needs to understand that I may not be as available to do things with her on certain weekends during football season
    8. Nice breast to ass ratio
    9. I would like her to be a woman of Faith
    10. White or Asian
    11. She must be secure enough in who she is to trust me
    12. Healthy sexual appetite
    13. Honest and non-judgmental
    14. She needs to be able to communicate her feelings

    There is more, but this list is a good start. One of the items on the list is a joke.

  3. I’m a woman…and I know nothing, but I will ask my significant other…

    Men (quoting him directly) “want Claire Huxtable…a great wife, a great mother, beautiful, intelligent, a strong woman, witty, sweet, loving, caring–she is everything you want in a woman. Claire Huxtable–she gets in your ass when you need it–she makes him eat healthy–not only was she a lawyer all day–but she came home and got dang COOKED shawty. Girls don’t understand that. And she makes a man feel like a man–she never tried to outshined her man, she never tried call him out– she was on his side. She had a say so in everything about the household but she let him make the decisions. You gotta let a man be a man. She was perfect–and she had good credit–and she was a FREAK too. That’s all men want–Claire Huxtable.”

    “About her [Elle’s] comment about men not wanting to get married–the honest answer is a lot of men aren’t ready to commit and aren’t ready to get married. And on the flip side of that most women aren’t ready to get married–whether they think they are or not. It takes TIME and a tremendous amount of work to have a successful relationship.”

    “I think a lot of women have wedding bells in their heads and want the glitz and glamour of the wedding, the ring and the dress. They are ready to talk about flowers and colors, but aren’t ready to talk about the serious issues that will come up in a relationship (i.e. finances, kids, family support, holiday splitting).”

    “Marriage is the biggest decision you will make in your life–and picking the wrong person can ruin a person’s life–and every man has seen it first hand–whether its a guy at work going through a bad divorce getting his kids taken from him–or seeing what happens to your parents in a nasty divorce first hand.”

    “All the woman has to do is wait–but we (men) have to go hunt and find the perfect person. Its a very complicated decision, and a very calculated decision–you don’t make this decision off of fluff sh-t like ‘she’s fine’–you make it more on ‘we have a great time hanging out–does my family like her do my friends like her, how does she manage her money? does she want the same amount of kids?'”

    “These are questions that come up over time–that aren’t on the first, or second date. It comes after you have met their family, friends, and extended family.”

    “The consqeunces of choosing the wrong wife are so strong that it makes you apprehensive about committing. There should be no pressure–if he is not ready–he is not ready. And when he is ready–he will let you know.”

    “One last thing–Women should not let a man string them along–stand your ground, and if he is not going the places you want to go to (granted it takes time) then let him know and/or leave. And like my auntie says–‘why would he buy the cow if he gets the milk for free.'”

    “STOP PLAYING HOUSE (living together/buying houses together but not committing to each other

    Ok I’m tired of being the stenographer…

    Hope that helps Elle–I typed exactly what was spewing out of his mouth!!!! 😉


  4. What makes a woman the one? Well, I honestly do not know the answer to that question because I have yet to find her; however, I am sure when I do meet, date/court, go exclusive, and eventually marry her, I will be able to let you know. But in the meantime, I do have an opinion on what the “one” could be. The “one” will likely be everything you thought she would be. She will be the woman of your/our dreams. She will embody everything that we look for in a woman as far as values, physical characteristics, career achievement, cooking skills, loyalty, etc etc etc. The “one” in my personal opinion will be the closest thing one will find that has what they are looking for. With me, I am big on looks or being physically attracted to the woman. That is where it starts for me. If I am not physically attracted to the woman, then I won’t even make a move (in the relationship direction at least, but that is an entirely different story). Side note, I think that is a major difference between men and women as it relates to dating and relationships. Based on my experiences and conversations with various women, I have determined that women are generally willing to overlook one’s physical appearance in lue of other significant qualities, traits or characteristics. With guys I believe it to be a little different in a sense that if we do not find a woman pysically attractive, we generally won’t date her. At the end of the day, the “one” will be the closest thing a man will find to meeting “his” idea of the total package. Keeping it simple, brains and beauty is a good start, and not neccessarily in that order.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s