Why Are Educated Black Men Single?

Educated, single brother, that wants to get married, where art thou?

He’s intelligent, attractive, a Christian, has a job (with benefits), is well-travelled, well-rounded, has a killer smile, and knows how to treat a woman.  But he’s single.  Some would think something’s wrong with him, while others would think he just hasn’t met that special lady.  At one point in time, I had my own theory, which I will share you, but after talking with a really good friend of mine I was able to see just how off the mark I was.

While most may speculate and have numerous reasons why Black men are single, I think it boils down to one main thing-he’s trying to build some wealth, live comfortably, and prepare himself to ready for a family.  That’s at least what I told one of my best guy friends; we’ll call him TyAnthony.  He quickly told me I was mistaken.  He told me the reason most guys are single is because they are too busy seeing how many women they can meet and date.  They’re not concerned with settling down; in fact, it’s the farthest thing from their minds.  I have to admit that I was shocked to find out that TyAnthony, 2 of his close friends, and another friend of mine, that I just happened to run into at Happy Hour last night are all ready to meet that special lady and be committed to her…and only her.  These men are in their late 20’s and have at least a bachelors degree.  None of them have any children and at least one is a homeowner.  After living in DC for a little over a year, I do wonder how many men in the District fall into the category that they ARE looking for that special lady but have been unable to find her.  I keep running into men that are out to play games and expect you to wait around for them. 

So ladies and gents, it’s time for you to sound off.  Men, why are you single (if you are single)?  If it’s so you can do what you want without having to “answer” to a woman I want you to say that.  Ladies, what do you think?  What have your experiences been like?  I really want to hear what you all have to say, no holds barred, maybe a little censorship, completely honest.  Oh, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this post was inspired by the article “Are Educated Brothers Opting out of Relationships” on Clutch Magazine last week.  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.

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11 Comments

  1. I can’t speak for most brothas but as for me and my house the reason why most educated men are single in my opinion is that they can’t find the one woman that we want to settle down with. Sadly it has been 7 yrs since I broke off my engagement and I have only been on two dates since then. Sure I want to settle down and be with that special someone but for most men its just easier to take care of yourself, have fun while being single, and try to build up some wealth in the process as stated in the article. Believe u me when that right lady come around most brothers will go head over heals for her and do everything I his power to keep her but first ladies must learn to go into hiding before a good man can Find her. And that’s all this single educated Black brotha has to say.

  2. I know a ton of amazing guys that want to settle down and be married, but just haven’t found the right girl yet. So–maybe you should pose the question, what makes a girl “THE girl”? I ask my husband that question all the time when listening to frustrated girlfriends and he always says 3 words… “you just know”.

  3. Pingback: What Makes a Woman “The One”? « Southern Girl in the City

  4. Hi, like your blog. I as well am from DC, moved to Atlanta 10years ago. One of the worst decisions I made. With the ratio of men to women in Atlanta it makes dating very difficult. As you mention men are not trying to settle down here, just in it for the fun. If I could move I would, but I will make that transition when the time is right.

    BlackButterfly

    • Thanks, Black Butterfly, for finding the blog, the compliment, and your comment! I’m the complete opposite of you; I moved to DC almost 3 years ago from the South and have come across men who don’t want anything serious. I think these men are everyone, not just concentrated in one part of the country. But I do know that there are men who want relationships, marriage, and children. My sorors and friends have married them. I have learned to be patient and to wait on what the Lord has for me. We’ll get ours in due time. 🙂

  5. Women looking for the so called “right partner” often have no concept of what it takes to keep a man that is secure both financially and emotionally. So most men of this nature realize early on to avoid the headaches and heartaches with immature divas and wait on that lady that can offer the same level of respect for a partner that they offer.

    The saint will help him achieve higher goals without offending his self-made ordered existence, or her need for growth. Women are always secretly seeking a better way of balancing their lives Most men haven’t had the Ward Cleaver dad. Some no real dad to speak of. Yet these same men are great dads and husbands. They miraculously embody an honorable code of manhood with a soft spoken regard for their hard work.

    That special lady cannot be an ordinary one in any sense of the imagination. This rare diamond will not be impressed by the size of your paycheck or your fabulous rear end. Those assets are common among most women today, regardless of race. It’s really up to the woman interested in this gem to make her mark on undeniable It should be an unforgettable positive experience each time they connect.Love isn’t true if it’s not a two lane highway.No one dreads real fun.What’s wrong with a little piece of heaven in a hateful world.Seek and ye shall find, but first know what you are looking for. A real man won;t let it get away it’s all he ever needed and wanted!.

  6. Although I have a Bachelors Degree in General Studies, I had to struggle to get it. Then, I had to settle for an Operator’s job. I earned a Post-Baccalaureate Certificate after being fired from that job-(good riddance!) but remained unemployable for years. When I did get a job in my field, it lasted a hair shy of a year before I was restructured out of a job. Realistically, with my background, it would have been a SIN to have,or to father children!

  7. Speaking as an African American man with a degree. I think that your original opinion was on point. We want to be comfortable because due to the struggle that a lot of us had to go through just to be able to graduate from a University we feel that we deserve it. We also want this as well as a bit of financial worth because well to be frank, who wouldn’t. If you are honestly thinking about having a family wouldn’t it be most logical to have some money set aside for when your own child goes to college. Especially being that we personally know what struggles may have to be endured along that path. Also we want a woman who will allow us to be head of the household. Unfortunately the way that the African American society is currently set up a lot of women don’t know how to setup aside and let the man be v in charge. This being due to the unfortunately high prison rate for African American men thereby leaving the women with no choice but to lead the household. Which basically means if you don’t see it, it is very hard for you to produce out. I hope this gives you a better perspective.

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