So…You Have a Girlfriend?

First, I must say that this post is for all of you men who try to holla at ladies knowing full well that you have a girlfriend/fiancee waiting on you at home.  Don’t think you’re so slick that the new women you meet and talk to won’t find out, because we will.

So I had an experience yesterday that made me think of past issues I had and inspired this post.  One of my “aunties” and another woman decided to play “matchmaker” with a certain young man and myself.  This young man and I work in the same location and really don’t have reason to interact with each other, but we would find ways to strike up a conversation and even planned to do things after work.   Now, the first red flag (ladies, ALWAYS pay attention to the red flag) was this guy lied…alot.  For example, said auntie planned for the three of us to go out to a Happy Hour in the city after work one day.  Young guy said he had to get a haircut and some other nonsense, so he would meet us later.  Needless to say, he didn’t show up and didn’t return a call that was made to him.   And after this first time he didn’t follow through, his number got deleted from my phone.  (Guys, I don’t know how it works with other women, but with me, once you’ve been deleted from my phone that means I’m done…and there’s no turning back.)  Since that time, he did the whole song-and-dance, you know, make plans, don’t follow through, and then apologize immensely.  Lucky for me, I didn’t trust him at his word anymore (I trusted his behavior), so I never really held credence to what he told me.  On yesterday, Matchmaker Auntie told me she found out he had a girlfriend.  Why was I not surprised?  That explains so much. 

When I was in Florida, I met two different guys who had girlfriends when we met.  Guy 1 and I met through a mutual friend’s party and talked on the phone 2 hours the night we met (mind you we left the birthday party after 1 AM).   He always called me first, let me know his schedule, and was very attentive.  Even though we didn’t go out that often, he made me feel like he was genuinely interested in me.  I, in my youth and being naive, made the mistake of befriending a co-worker and sharing my experiences with her; ladies, you know how it is-excited about the possibility of a new romance.  Turns out she had heard ol’ boy’s name before and did some investigating of her own.  I get  a cryptic call from him one night, and it turns out that everything I told my co-worker she went around and shared with her friend…who happens to be friends with HIS girlfriend.  Yep, that’s right-he had a girlfriend.  So of course by the time he gets questioned by his girl, things are blown WAY out of proportion.  He proceeds to tell me something to the effect of, “We’re just friends, so I don’t feel like I have to justify myself to her, but she’s in this sensitive place right now, so I’m going to respect her wishes and not talk to you anymore.  But if I see you out I will speak.”  No need to worry about that, player.  After that conversation was finished, his number got deleted.  (I told ya’ll I don’t play.)  I believe he sent me a text that Christmas, but he got no response from me.

Guy 2 and I rolled in the same circle…I’m not really sure how we initially met, but there was some attraction and flirtation.  We never hung out one-on-one, but we would see each other out a lot, he would always approach me, and we had great dialogue.  I knew something wasn’t right because we never went out, and thanks to my “big brother”, I found out after about 3 weeks that this guy had a girlfriend. (Sigh…again????) But I never said anything to ol’ boy, and of course he never said anything to me.  After a few months, I was going to church one Sunday, and who do I see walking up the sidewalk in my direction?  Guy 2 AND the girlfriend.  (Yes, we knew we both attended the same church, but we never saw each other.)  Ladies, you know how dudes get the “Oh Sh*t” face when something crazy happens?? Yeah, that’s the look he had once he realized it was me.  When we passed each other, I said, “Good morning” to  both of them.  Wouldn’t you know it NEITHER one of them spoke??? Now isn’t that just rude??? (Him, I could understand…slightly, but her???)  So I keep walking thinking, “Wow…”  A few seconds later I hear my name.  Seems like he had a change of heart and decided to speak.  He walked to me, left his girlfriend where she was, and had a brief conversation with me.  Didn’t bother to introduce his girlfriend, didn’t look at her and say “Honey, come meet Elle”, nothing.  I figured they were both rude and probably made for each other.  About a year later they got married, and as far as I know they are still in marital bliss.

Men, we ladies will ALWAYS find out when you already have a girlfriend, well those ladies that pay attention to context clues.  I don’t know why you guys feel the need to omit stuff.  If it’s so that you won’t hurt our feelings, trust, we’re big girls and can handle it.  Or maybe you think you can find something you think is better.  I’m not sure what it is, but I hope some of you can enlighten me, because I, and probably some other ladies, would really like to know.  Honesty is the best policy.  I mean, wouldn’t you want a woman to tell you if she had a man?  Until next time, I’m just a Southern girl…in the city.


  1. I don’t know why men try to be slick, they know they’re going to get caught. I also attract two types, the ones who have girlfriends/fiancees/wives but still try to cheat anyway and those who could careless less about settling down. I don’t know why it’s like that but I’m so over it.

    Most most recent experience was a few months ago. I met this guy and we talked/texted like every day for about a week. We finally ended up going out on a date and everything was going fine. During the conversation, he mentioned that he had children so I asked him if he was married when he had the kids (I don’t do the whole baby mama drama) and he quickly said he had been. Since his response seemed kind of off I decided to ask him how long he’d been divorced. Come to find out he was still married but said he was “separated”. In my book if you’re not divorced you’re married, that’s all. After that I was like check please. He continued to call and try to contact me but I had to tell him it doesn’t work like that with me.

    I refuse to date some woman’s husband/fiance/boyfriend. Sadly, there are those who do and don’t care.

  2. My biggest problem with guys, that is if I seem to ever meet one of some substance, they turn out to be taken YES you were right that we woman do find out these things. It just seems that the guys I tend to find omit one small fact “that they are gay” ya – seems that I attract Mr. “nice” guy if you know what I mean. None the less, it makes me wonder why all these gay guys like talking to me. Do I emit some sort of vibe? I don’t really know.

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