Internet Dating is for the Birds

I seriously doubt I'll meet him on a computer....

If you don’t know, I’m single…in a new city…looking for a nice fellow to show me around said city.  I have a few male friends who live in and are from the area, but I want to meet someone new.  So after some prodding and suggestions from my cousin and soror, I decided to try internet dating.  The end result is I’m not impressed…at all.  Now, I know some people have great luck-one of my sorors met her husband online and they have a gorgeous 7 month old baby and Essence Atkins was just on “The Mo’Nique Show” this week talking about how she’s a newlywed and met her husband online; unfortunately…yours truly was not one of those lucky people.  Some started off great then fizzled while others never left the ground.  So, below I will highlight my four internet dating stories and you can tell me if I’m crazy for not giving this another try. 

Guy #1- He sent me a message introducing himself via the dating site.  We communicated via the website, then we exchanged names, figured out we were both on Facebook, and became friends.  After about a month of sending each other messages and commenting on statuses, I finally asked him if he ever planned on meeting me in person; I mean, he never asked me for my number.  His response went something like, “I knew this was coming. (Oh, really???)  Well, I just feel like we should take our time and get to know each other” or some crazy mess like that.  Really, dude? We’ve been communicating with each other for almost 3 months.  I have enough pen pals and friends; I want someone I can date.  While conducting my annual Facebook Spring Cleaning, he kindly got deleted.

Guy #2- He sent the first message..and didn’t have a picture up.  That concerned me on so many levels.  I know not everyone looks like his or her picture, but it at least gives the other person a pretty good idea of what you look like.  But I continued to message him (we had nice dialogue), and after about the 3rd message, I asked him if he had a picture, which he promptly sent after asking for and receiving my e-mail address.  I thought he was cute, seemed like a really big dude (borderline fat), but he was 6’7″ (ya’ll know I got a thing for tall men) so I figure if he were skinny he would look crazy.  So we evolved from e-mailing to texting.  Very intelligent guy, we were connecting, and he even offered to cook for me, (if you don’t know I’m a sucker for a man that can cook!), so even though I thought it was a bit premature I rolled with it and appreciated the gesture.  After another few days, he asked me out on a date.  We decided to go see “The Hangover” at Gallery Place.  I took the Metro (parking in Chinatown is a beast) and arrived about 15 minutes before the movie started.  When he approached me, he didn’t look quite like his picture…he looked better (5 cool points for you, sir)!  He had already gotten our tickets, so we went to see the movie.  Now, while I enjoyed the movie (get the DVD if you haven’t seen it), I thought a movie wasn’t a good first date.  I mean, you don’t have an opportunity to talk to your date.  Maybe you can gauge alot by how they react to a good comedy.  And don’t worry, he was a perfect gentleman-didn’t try to get too familiar with your girl.  So, after the movie was over, he asked me if I wanted to get ice cream (ok, seriously…those are my two favorite words!), so we made our way to get some.  We sat down and talked, had an amazing conversation about our interests and even talked about what we would do in the future.  And I probably could have stayed a little longer, but since I had to go to work the next day (he was a teacher so he was on summer break), we had to call it a night.  We both had ridden the Metro, so he walked me back, waited with me for my train (what a gentleman!), and asked me to let him know when I made it back to my car.  Once I made it and was on my way home, I let him know and thanked him again for a nice evening to which he replied it was his pleasure and he couldn’t wait to go out again.  The next few days I didn’t hear from him…which I thought was odd since we spoke multiple times a day for the past few weeks.  So on day 3 after the date I took the initiative to send him a text.  He told me his grandmother has passed.  😦  I told him I was sorry to hear that, he and his family were in prayers, and to let me know if he needed anything. (That’s an awkward situation for anybody, but especially for someone you’ve only been out with once.)  He thanked me and that was the end of the conversation.  After a week of not hearing from him, I sent him an e-mail and got no response.  In short, I never heard from him again, even after sending another e-mail and making a phone call.  For the longest time I was trying to figure out what the heck happened, but after awhile I said “Forget it”. 

Guy #3- I was never attracted to him; nothing about him seemed attractive to me-his profile, his picture, nothing.  And to add insult to injury, he lived outside of the Beltway…WAY outside of the Beltway…in Baltimore. *GASP*  But I decided to not be stuck up, go outside of my box, and give the guy a chance.  Go through the same scenario-message, e-mail, text, and talk.  After scheduling dates and not keeping the original plans, we finally decided that I would stop in Baltimore for a late lunch on my way from Philadelphia one holiday weekend.  I left a little later than planned, so he asked if I would mind if he ate something.  I didn’t mind at all; I mean, I figured he would get a little snack to tide him over.  So we meet up, go this nice restaurant, sit down, and order.  I order a meal, he gets a beer. A beer????  Him: “Well, I was hungry so I had something to eat.” I’m thinking, “Why would you have a meal when you knew we were going to eat?”, but I just shut up and went with it.  Dinner was awkward, at least for me.  The conversation dragged, he was borderline nerve wrecking, and he had the nerve to try to hold my hand and be romantic.  Dude, I just met you-get real.  Fast forward to the end when the check comes.  The waitress puts it in the middle of the table where it sits…and sits…and sits.  I even look down in my purse so homeboy will take the hint to pick it up.  He didn’t get it, because when I look up the check is in the same place.  So, against my better judgement, I reach for it, and this imposter of a man “pretends” to reach for it after it’s in my hand.  So after a little back and forth about testing each other (which we ALL know he failed-he invited me, he should pick up the tab), I pay the bill, including his beer, not before trying to hand it to him after his pretend move to take it.  He tells me he’ll pay when we both eat.  He walks me back to the car, gives me a hug, and we make tentative plans to hang out the next weekend.  (If I can interject for a moment in my own story this guy was a total bust from the word “GO”.  Based on previous conversations, I feel like he’s a little sex crazed in the sense he wants to be in a relationship to “justify” him having sex.  Not to mention when we would try to make plans to either go out in DC or Baltimore, he was trying to get an invitation to stay at my house if we went out in DC.  Man, I don’t know you!!! Get real-take your butt home or get a hotel if you can’t drive 45 minutes to B-more. Ok, back to the story.)  After another 2 weeks of failed date plans (I just wanted the meal that I felt he owed me) and weak conversations, we decided that this wasn’t working and let bygones be bygones.  While I was pissed I wouldn’t get my meal (yes, I’m mad and greedy), I was all too happy to delete his number from my phone.

Guy #4- This was a little different than the others.  This guy marked me as a favorite so I decided to send him a message.   After the standard expectation of messaging and talking he was a little hestitant to meet in person.  He went out with a girl prior to me who looked nothing like her picture and actually had gained a good 100 pounds.  So I had a little sympathy for him.  But we finally agreed to meet at Starbucks.  The pluses for him is that he was attractive and is really into music in addition to we had great conversation.  Oh, the uber-plus is that he lives in close proximity to work and home.  He couldn’t stay long as he had to leave the next morning to go on a road trip with his mom, so even after talking for an hour, him saying he really needed to go, we ended up talking an additional hour.  Yes, your girl was in major like mode.  After another week or two when I felt like we should be making plans for date # 2, homeboy was still elusive.  And I noticed that I was initiating dialogue most of the time.  So I pointed it out to him one day.  His response-“Yeah, you’re right, and I’m really sorry.  I’ll do better.”  After I decided to see if he really was going to do better, two weeks had passed until I realized I hadn’t talked to him. So I sent a text.  He apparently got a new phone and didn’t know who I was. (Ok, ladies and gents, here’s where ish is about to get real sticky…) So, I told him who I was and proceeded to go to Facebook to see if we were still friends (yes, we even became Facebook friends) because I figure if he truly lost my number and wanted to keep in touch he could easily send a message via Facebook.  Imagine my surprise (NOT!) when I saw we weren’t friends anymore.   Of course I pointed it out-Me: If you didn’t want to be friends anymore all you had to do was say so.  Him:  What are you talking about?  I kindly pointed out that we were no longer friends on Facebook, and he responded that he hasn’t been on to de-friend me.  Then he proceeded to tell me I was reading too much into “this” (I had no idea what “this” was that he was referring to).  I responded with there’s nothing to read into, and we only went out once.  After a little back and forth, these are the final messages between him and me.

Me:  So is this where we say “It’s been real” and part ways?

Him:  I’m heading in that direction.

Me: Ok.

Me: It’s been real

I mean, if we’re headed in that direction, we may as well take the express train.  You’re not feeling me, and I’m beginning to not feel you, so we should just end whatever “this” is here.

So, I know this was a little lengthy, but I really felt like sharing my horror stories.  And after talking to multiple people who have tried to be encouraging, I gave internet dating another shot recently.  But to be quite honest, I’m kinda over it.  It’s an experience that I can say I’ve had, but there is nothing about my personal situation to say “Oh, let me try this again!!!”  So, in the meantime between time, I will be meeting suitors the good ol’ fashion way, in person!  Until next time, I’m just a Southern Girl…in the city.

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4 Comments

  1. Wow girl! You are living a double of my life. I just gotta say it. Your dates (especially #1 and #3) sound like the same old repeats I end up with. These guys must attend the same “dating etiquette” school. Let me, if I may, share one more with you. We’ll call him Guy #5 for the heck of it. This was my most recent encounter.

    Guy #5: After a long break from internet dating (I’m talking about at least a year) and after a bit of urging from a good friend – I decided to give internet dating another try. I logged onto one of my old accounts and fix up my profile. Yes I even added current photos. When low and behold I get an email from a guy who said we went to the same high school and were in the same graduating class. Lets just say my attention was peaked at that point. After a few “HOURS” yes hours…we decided to meet at a local coffee shop to chat. I only knew his first name (on internet dating site) because he refused to tell me his last name…he just kept saying “you’ll know me when you see me”. Now I just want to add that I knew a good 90% of my graduating class and it was killing me that I could not figure out who this guy was. He would not show a pic on his profile and wouldn’t tell me his last name. I called my friend (the one that urged me to give internet dating a shot) and let her know what I was doing. We had an agreement that she would make the “call” to my cell phone 20 minutes into the meeting. She told me if it is going well that when I answer to say “Can I call you back later” and if it isn’t going so well then I was to pretend her car broke down and she needed a ride home. Am I ever glad we had this arrangement.

    I walked into the coffee shop at 7pm (our planned meeting time) and he was not there – I new this because he told me that I would know him when I saw him and I didn’t know a soul in the room. So I casually sat at the table nearest the door and waited. 10 minutes later, he walks in. Oh my god if it was not the same guy that for all 4 years of high school, followed me and my friends around campus and constantly tried to get me or even one of my friends to date him. He walked up to me and smiled and offered a hug, to which at that point asks me if I am surprised? Ummm words could not express my surprise. Not only was he the same guy as in high school he managed to gain at least 50 lbs. Now you would think that a guy meeting a gal that he had been wanting to impress would have (1) been on time and (2) maybe would have taken a shower and wore some clothes that actually fit. Instead the guy shows up in blue jeans that are at least a size too small with holes in the knees and a t-shirt that is also too small and does not cover the protruding belly lapping over the top of his pants. When he sat down he turned the chair backwards and strattled it while leaning his chin on the back of the chair and proceeds to stare at me. His words exactly “You have not changed a bit, your still so beautiful”. Ok can we say awkward. So then he proceeds to tell me what he had been doing with his life since high school and plops a stun gun on the table. Apparently that was the large heavy contraption that was weighting his pants down. I asked what the stun gun was for and he said that he uses it in his line of work. I could not help but ask what it is he does for a living. He tells me that he is a repo man and reposesses cars for a living. I asked if he had just gotten off work and he said no that he always carries his stun gun with him that you just never know when you might need it. OK honest to god I was scared at this point and everything in my system was screaming “leave now” when thank goodness my cell phone rings. I answer and it is my friend and just as we had agreed I pretended her car broke down. After we hung up I told him I had to go help my friend that her car broke down and I need to give her a ride and he said well I’ll come with, I have the tow truck. I stuttered and stammered at that point because now my lie was not going to work. I told him that would not be necessary that her husband could fix it when he gets off work. So with that said the guy walks me to my car and asks if he could give me a hug one last time “because it was so nice to reconnect”. I agreed to a hug if it got me out of there any quicker and just as we embrace he slaps a huge kiss on me. Not a peck on the cheek either, we are talking a tonsilectomy here. I push him away and he says “oh guess the kiss was over the top. I just saw the opportunity and didn’t want it to go to waste”. I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot at probably 60 mph and look in my rear view to see he is following me. Oh lord my worst nightmare has come true. I call my friend and tell her what is going on and she says just drive around, don’t stop and maybe he will get tired of following you. I do this for 30 minutes and the creep is still behind me. Suddenly I get a text. Its from him…”are you lost?” Now I am in no way, shape or form able to text and drive at the same time but by some means I managed to write back and say “no”. Then he texts and says “where you going?” at a stop light I was able to reply with “stop following me” he says “just want to make sure everything is ok with your friend”. I wrote back and said “I lied” he replied and said, “I know”. Finally when the light turned green, I turned right and he went straight. That was the last time I talked to him. Talk about freaky!

    Sorry this was so long. I wanted to add the extra commentary so you knew more of the story. Needless to say, I am still single and not sure if I will ever consider internet dating again.

    Thanks for proving to me that there are other people in the world that have the same problems as me. I wish you all the best.

    Signed,
    Stephanie

    • Thanks for sharing, Stephanie! That’s sounds REALLY spooky…like something out of a horror/suspense movie. I’m glad he didn’t use the stun gun, and his attire sounds atrocious! And that kiss…I don’t think I even need to comment. But it was very ballsy of him to follow you, even after you told him you didn’t need his assistance. Really the whole thing is creepy, so I’m glad you were able to get away unharmed.

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