Internet Dating is for the Birds

I seriously doubt I'll meet him on a computer....

If you don’t know, I’m single…in a new city…looking for a nice fellow to show me around said city.  I have a few male friends who live in and are from the area, but I want to meet someone new.  So after some prodding and suggestions from my cousin and soror, I decided to try internet dating.  The end result is I’m not impressed…at all.  Now, I know some people have great luck-one of my sorors met her husband online and they have a gorgeous 7 month old baby and Essence Atkins was just on “The Mo’Nique Show” this week talking about how she’s a newlywed and met her husband online; unfortunately…yours truly was not one of those lucky people.  Some started off great then fizzled while others never left the ground.  So, below I will highlight my four internet dating stories and you can tell me if I’m crazy for not giving this another try. 

Guy #1- He sent me a message introducing himself via the dating site.  We communicated via the website, then we exchanged names, figured out we were both on Facebook, and became friends.  After about a month of sending each other messages and commenting on statuses, I finally asked him if he ever planned on meeting me in person; I mean, he never asked me for my number.  His response went something like, “I knew this was coming. (Oh, really???)  Well, I just feel like we should take our time and get to know each other” or some crazy mess like that.  Really, dude? We’ve been communicating with each other for almost 3 months.  I have enough pen pals and friends; I want someone I can date.  While conducting my annual Facebook Spring Cleaning, he kindly got deleted.

Guy #2- He sent the first message..and didn’t have a picture up.  That concerned me on so many levels.  I know not everyone looks like his or her picture, but it at least gives the other person a pretty good idea of what you look like.  But I continued to message him (we had nice dialogue), and after about the 3rd message, I asked him if he had a picture, which he promptly sent after asking for and receiving my e-mail address.  I thought he was cute, seemed like a really big dude (borderline fat), but he was 6’7″ (ya’ll know I got a thing for tall men) so I figure if he were skinny he would look crazy.  So we evolved from e-mailing to texting.  Very intelligent guy, we were connecting, and he even offered to cook for me, (if you don’t know I’m a sucker for a man that can cook!), so even though I thought it was a bit premature I rolled with it and appreciated the gesture.  After another few days, he asked me out on a date.  We decided to go see “The Hangover” at Gallery Place.  I took the Metro (parking in Chinatown is a beast) and arrived about 15 minutes before the movie started.  When he approached me, he didn’t look quite like his picture…he looked better (5 cool points for you, sir)!  He had already gotten our tickets, so we went to see the movie.  Now, while I enjoyed the movie (get the DVD if you haven’t seen it), I thought a movie wasn’t a good first date.  I mean, you don’t have an opportunity to talk to your date.  Maybe you can gauge alot by how they react to a good comedy.  And don’t worry, he was a perfect gentleman-didn’t try to get too familiar with your girl.  So, after the movie was over, he asked me if I wanted to get ice cream (ok, seriously…those are my two favorite words!), so we made our way to get some.  We sat down and talked, had an amazing conversation about our interests and even talked about what we would do in the future.  And I probably could have stayed a little longer, but since I had to go to work the next day (he was a teacher so he was on summer break), we had to call it a night.  We both had ridden the Metro, so he walked me back, waited with me for my train (what a gentleman!), and asked me to let him know when I made it back to my car.  Once I made it and was on my way home, I let him know and thanked him again for a nice evening to which he replied it was his pleasure and he couldn’t wait to go out again.  The next few days I didn’t hear from him…which I thought was odd since we spoke multiple times a day for the past few weeks.  So on day 3 after the date I took the initiative to send him a text.  He told me his grandmother has passed.  😦  I told him I was sorry to hear that, he and his family were in prayers, and to let me know if he needed anything. (That’s an awkward situation for anybody, but especially for someone you’ve only been out with once.)  He thanked me and that was the end of the conversation.  After a week of not hearing from him, I sent him an e-mail and got no response.  In short, I never heard from him again, even after sending another e-mail and making a phone call.  For the longest time I was trying to figure out what the heck happened, but after awhile I said “Forget it”. 

Guy #3- I was never attracted to him; nothing about him seemed attractive to me-his profile, his picture, nothing.  And to add insult to injury, he lived outside of the Beltway…WAY outside of the Beltway…in Baltimore. *GASP*  But I decided to not be stuck up, go outside of my box, and give the guy a chance.  Go through the same scenario-message, e-mail, text, and talk.  After scheduling dates and not keeping the original plans, we finally decided that I would stop in Baltimore for a late lunch on my way from Philadelphia one holiday weekend.  I left a little later than planned, so he asked if I would mind if he ate something.  I didn’t mind at all; I mean, I figured he would get a little snack to tide him over.  So we meet up, go this nice restaurant, sit down, and order.  I order a meal, he gets a beer. A beer????  Him: “Well, I was hungry so I had something to eat.” I’m thinking, “Why would you have a meal when you knew we were going to eat?”, but I just shut up and went with it.  Dinner was awkward, at least for me.  The conversation dragged, he was borderline nerve wrecking, and he had the nerve to try to hold my hand and be romantic.  Dude, I just met you-get real.  Fast forward to the end when the check comes.  The waitress puts it in the middle of the table where it sits…and sits…and sits.  I even look down in my purse so homeboy will take the hint to pick it up.  He didn’t get it, because when I look up the check is in the same place.  So, against my better judgement, I reach for it, and this imposter of a man “pretends” to reach for it after it’s in my hand.  So after a little back and forth about testing each other (which we ALL know he failed-he invited me, he should pick up the tab), I pay the bill, including his beer, not before trying to hand it to him after his pretend move to take it.  He tells me he’ll pay when we both eat.  He walks me back to the car, gives me a hug, and we make tentative plans to hang out the next weekend.  (If I can interject for a moment in my own story this guy was a total bust from the word “GO”.  Based on previous conversations, I feel like he’s a little sex crazed in the sense he wants to be in a relationship to “justify” him having sex.  Not to mention when we would try to make plans to either go out in DC or Baltimore, he was trying to get an invitation to stay at my house if we went out in DC.  Man, I don’t know you!!! Get real-take your butt home or get a hotel if you can’t drive 45 minutes to B-more. Ok, back to the story.)  After another 2 weeks of failed date plans (I just wanted the meal that I felt he owed me) and weak conversations, we decided that this wasn’t working and let bygones be bygones.  While I was pissed I wouldn’t get my meal (yes, I’m mad and greedy), I was all too happy to delete his number from my phone.

Guy #4- This was a little different than the others.  This guy marked me as a favorite so I decided to send him a message.   After the standard expectation of messaging and talking he was a little hestitant to meet in person.  He went out with a girl prior to me who looked nothing like her picture and actually had gained a good 100 pounds.  So I had a little sympathy for him.  But we finally agreed to meet at Starbucks.  The pluses for him is that he was attractive and is really into music in addition to we had great conversation.  Oh, the uber-plus is that he lives in close proximity to work and home.  He couldn’t stay long as he had to leave the next morning to go on a road trip with his mom, so even after talking for an hour, him saying he really needed to go, we ended up talking an additional hour.  Yes, your girl was in major like mode.  After another week or two when I felt like we should be making plans for date # 2, homeboy was still elusive.  And I noticed that I was initiating dialogue most of the time.  So I pointed it out to him one day.  His response-“Yeah, you’re right, and I’m really sorry.  I’ll do better.”  After I decided to see if he really was going to do better, two weeks had passed until I realized I hadn’t talked to him. So I sent a text.  He apparently got a new phone and didn’t know who I was. (Ok, ladies and gents, here’s where ish is about to get real sticky…) So, I told him who I was and proceeded to go to Facebook to see if we were still friends (yes, we even became Facebook friends) because I figure if he truly lost my number and wanted to keep in touch he could easily send a message via Facebook.  Imagine my surprise (NOT!) when I saw we weren’t friends anymore.   Of course I pointed it out-Me: If you didn’t want to be friends anymore all you had to do was say so.  Him:  What are you talking about?  I kindly pointed out that we were no longer friends on Facebook, and he responded that he hasn’t been on to de-friend me.  Then he proceeded to tell me I was reading too much into “this” (I had no idea what “this” was that he was referring to).  I responded with there’s nothing to read into, and we only went out once.  After a little back and forth, these are the final messages between him and me.

Me:  So is this where we say “It’s been real” and part ways?

Him:  I’m heading in that direction.

Me: Ok.

Me: It’s been real

I mean, if we’re headed in that direction, we may as well take the express train.  You’re not feeling me, and I’m beginning to not feel you, so we should just end whatever “this” is here.

So, I know this was a little lengthy, but I really felt like sharing my horror stories.  And after talking to multiple people who have tried to be encouraging, I gave internet dating another shot recently.  But to be quite honest, I’m kinda over it.  It’s an experience that I can say I’ve had, but there is nothing about my personal situation to say “Oh, let me try this again!!!”  So, in the meantime between time, I will be meeting suitors the good ol’ fashion way, in person!  Until next time, I’m just a Southern Girl…in the city.

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